The Thing Underneath the Thing, that Drives Everything ~ Denisha Workizer Ep. 144

Today, we’re diving back into a powerful concept that could change the way you see yourself and your story—your Primal Question. 

Our last episode featured the creator of the primal question framework, Mike Foster. Today, we will continue talking about our primal question also known as our highest emotional need. 

It really is the thing underneath the thing that drives everything! 

What if the behaviors you can’t explain, the emotions that catch you off guard, and even the lies you struggle to shake… all trace back to one core question you've been asking since childhood?

In this episode, I’ll share how discovering my own Primal Question—“Do I have purpose?”—brought deep clarity, healing, and freedom. And how you can uncover yours too.

Here are two FREE Ebooks for you!
1. Shame Off You: 10 steps to shattering shame in your life, HERE.
2. ABC's: CLICK HERE for a FREE E-book to help you combat lies and replace them with God's truth. For more encouragement, check out some of our offerings at www.reclaimedstory.com

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Transcript

Transcript is auto-generated. 

[00:00:00] Welcome to Living the Reclaim Life podcast. I'm Denisha. We're glad you're [00:00:05] here for conversations that revive hope, inspire healing, and encourage you [00:00:10] to live a vibrant life with Christ. So grab a cup of coffee as we chat with [00:00:15] today's guest. Today I'm sitting in my office, and [00:00:20] here's a little secret. My jewelry always gives away my mood.[00:00:25]

At Reclaim Story, we've created a jewelry line that tells a [00:00:30] story. Each piece is intentional and powerful. This [00:00:35] morning, as I was getting ready for a really big meeting, the kind of meeting that [00:00:40] makes you feel like a little fish swimming in a really big pond, I stood [00:00:45] in front of my jewelry box and I was feeling nervous.

Honestly, I [00:00:50] felt insignificant, but then I saw it. My rose gold [00:00:55] necklace with the word significant on it, and I knew that that was the one [00:01:00] for today that matched my mood. See, even when I feel [00:01:05] small, God reminds me of what he's doing in and through me and that it [00:01:10] is significant. That one word on my necklace gave me the [00:01:15] confidence to walk into that meeting with my head held high, [00:01:20] and it also reminded me.

My primal question, my primal [00:01:25] question is, do I have purpose? And that question was [00:01:30] imprinted on me early in life, shaped by experiences, both [00:01:35] spoken and unspoken messages and moments that left me wondering if I [00:01:40] truly mattered. Now as an adult, I still find myself [00:01:45] asking it though, not out loud, right? I'm not weird.

I don't walk up to people in Target and go, do I [00:01:50] have purpose? Right? But I seek a yes to that question from the [00:01:55] people closest to me, from my work and even from society. I might not [00:02:00] say it directly, but I am watching and I am listening, and I'm looking for [00:02:05]confirmation. When the answer feels like a no, you don't have purpose, or [00:02:10] maybe I go into what Mike Foster calls the scramble.[00:02:15]

For me, that scramble looks like overworking, striving [00:02:20] for perfection, saying yes to too many things, trying to prove that I [00:02:25] do have purpose, but I'll be honest, that striving, that overworking, [00:02:30] it always leads to stress, exhaustion, and burnout for me. [00:02:35] I wonder if that sounds familiar to you. For years, I felt this pattern, but [00:02:40] I didn't have words for it until I read Mike Foster's book, the Seven Primal [00:02:45] Questions.

Guys, if you haven't grabbed it yet, grab it on Amazon. It is so worth the [00:02:50] read if this content of the last episode with Mike and this one, [00:02:55] if it makes you curious to dive in a little bit more, I highly recommend grabbing the book. [00:03:00] Mike Foster is one of my personal heroes in the growth and healing [00:03:05] space.

So if you caught episode 1 43, you know why? And if you [00:03:10] didn't, go back and listen. It is powerful. In his book, Mike breaks down [00:03:15] these primal questions, and these questions are rooted in decades of [00:03:20] research from Mike, over 6,000 hours of interviews and over 22 [00:03:25] group labs. And what he found out is this. We [00:03:30] all have a question that we are silently asking one that has shaped us [00:03:35] in childhood and still drives us today.

So what are those [00:03:40] seven primal questions? They are number one, am I safe? [00:03:45]Number two, am I secure? Number three, am I [00:03:50] loved? Number 4:00 AM I wanted number [00:03:55] five. Am I successful? Six, am I enough? [00:04:00] And number seven, do I have purpose? Now as I [00:04:05] read those, you might relate to several, but one stands out [00:04:10] and it's our apex question.

It's the one that hits the deepest in our hearts [00:04:15] understanding mine. Do I have Purpose was a game changer for me. [00:04:20] It was so much of a game changer in my life that I became a certified primal question [00:04:25] coach and trainer because I wanted others to find the same clarity and freedom that [00:04:30] I had found. And when asking Mike about what is his mission in [00:04:35] life, I love this.

He says, I wanna help people embrace everything they [00:04:40] are to see their strengths and gifts, but also the blocks and beliefs [00:04:45] that hold them back. Guys, that's what our primal question does. It uncovers [00:04:50] your hidden programming, your core emotional need and your God-given [00:04:55] superpower. So if we think about it, how many times have you asked, [00:05:00] why do I keep doing this?

Why does that thing always [00:05:05] trigger me? Why do I keep falling into the same patterns? [00:05:10] There are so many times that I feel like Paul in Romans seven [00:05:15] 15. He says, I do not understand what I do for [00:05:20] what I want to do. I do not do, but what I hate I do. [00:05:25]Does that sound familiar? It sure does to me. What if those [00:05:30] unwanted behaviors, that relational tension, those harmful habits, [00:05:35] irrational fears, all trace back to an unmet emotional [00:05:40] need?

And that is what our primal question helps us understand. [00:05:45] As Mike said in the last episode, it's the root we wanna get to of archery, [00:05:50] not just the branches. We can trim the branches and [00:05:55] that looks more like, stop doing this. Don't do this. But why do we do [00:06:00] the things that we're trying to trim out of our lives?

Those answers are [00:06:05] in the roots, and that's what the primal question helps us get to. [00:06:10]When we live disconnected from that understanding, it's like moving through [00:06:15] life in a fog. But when we gain clarity, that is where [00:06:20] transformation begins. Here's another powerful concept that Mike [00:06:25] introduces. The renter versus owner mindset.

Let me [00:06:30] explain. The renter mindset says someone else will fix this. [00:06:35] I need permission to change. If only someone else would do their part, I'd be [00:06:40] Okay. So how does this play out? Let's say you're renting a [00:06:45] house or an apartment, and let's say your dishwasher goes out. [00:06:50] Hopefully your landlord will come in and repair your dishwasher, right?

He'll take care of that [00:06:55] dishwasher. He'll replace it. He'll get the plumber to come in and do whatever he needs to do. [00:07:00] So you go to your landlord and they'll handle whatever the problem is. [00:07:05] A lot of us approach our lives that way as a [00:07:10] renter mindset, we think we need permission or that someone else is going [00:07:15] to take care of us, or if someone else just did something, then [00:07:20] I would be okay.

My life would be so much better if someone else and [00:07:25] friends. That is a really powerless mindset. What we want to [00:07:30] embrace is the owner mindset. The owner mindset says, [00:07:35] this is my life, my story. I take responsibility. I [00:07:40] may not control everything, but I am in charge of how I respond. In [00:07:45] other words, if our dishwasher breaks, we don't need permission from anyone [00:07:50] to fix it.

We can go on YouTube, we can look up how to [00:07:55] fix it. We can call a plumber. We can get it fixed ourselves. Friends, you don't [00:08:00] need anybody's permission to follow your dreams. You are [00:08:05] responsible for you, and you get to make decisions that impact [00:08:10] your life. And along with that gift, it also means that we [00:08:15] will also own all the consequences, the pros and the cons, all of the [00:08:20] upside, but also all of the downside of the choices that we make.[00:08:25]

If I order the wrong part and I start the dishwasher and it floods my kitchen, [00:08:30] I have to own that. As much as I have to own the dishwasher. Working [00:08:35] and providing the service that it's supposed to do, that is [00:08:40] self-leadership, and I love that there's so much strength in that [00:08:45] to be an owner of your life instead of a renter.

So I'm [00:08:50] curious. Are there any places in your life where you feel like a [00:08:55] renter? Are there any places in your life that the thought of taking ownership [00:09:00] sounds scary? Well, I wanna tell you a beautiful truth, [00:09:05] that you're not doing it alone. You're not making decisions alone. You're not [00:09:10] having the consequences, the pros and the cons all by yourself because [00:09:15] you walk in partnership with the Holy Spirit.

John 1516 [00:09:20] says, you didn't choose me. I chose you. I [00:09:25] appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit. Friend, you're [00:09:30] not here by accident. You've been chosen to live a life of [00:09:35] purpose and fruitfulness, and why does all of this matter? [00:09:40] See, once we identify our primal question, we'll begin to see how [00:09:45] it's narrated our inner story.

You'll begin to understand [00:09:50] why you think the way you do respond, how you do and feel what you [00:09:55] feel. This clarity for me has radically improved my [00:10:00] relationships. It has equipped me to lead myself well, and it has helped me [00:10:05] to co-author a new story with God when, where my past doesn't [00:10:10] define me. What would it look like for you to radically improve your [00:10:15] relationships?

To be equipped to lead yourself well, to help [00:10:20] you co-author a new story with God, one where your past doesn't define you. [00:10:25] When we understand our primal question, we begin to live [00:10:30] from a yes and not for a yes. So instead of [00:10:35] asking, do I have purpose? It becomes, I have purpose [00:10:40] instead of living for the world to tell me and give me a yes to my question.

I [00:10:45] can self lead myself and say, I have purpose and I can lead from [00:10:50] that truth instead of for that truth. So instead of [00:10:55] asking, am I safe? You are safe, how would that [00:11:00] change your life from living from that instead of living for that? Yes. [00:11:05] Am I secure? Am I loved? Am I wanted, am I [00:11:10] successful? Am I enough? Do I have purpose?

Friends, [00:11:15] let's flip that, and instead of living for that, yes, let's live from the truth that [00:11:20] it is a yes. All through scripture, Jesus answers our questions [00:11:25] with a resounding yes. So let's begin living from that truth and [00:11:30] not for that truth. This will greatly impact our lives. That [00:11:35] truth, that you have purpose, that you are enough, that you are wanted, you are loved, you are [00:11:40] secure.

That truth is your primal gift and you get to own [00:11:45] that. As Mike shared in the last episode, you take your question and you place it [00:11:50] over everyone else in your life. So those of us whose primal question is [00:11:55] am I loved the people around you, you are so good at making them [00:12:00] feel loved. If your question is, am I wanted?

You are [00:12:05] a ER of people. You bring people together. You don't leave a coworker [00:12:10]sitting out of a lunch date. You make sure that people are included. You have a superpower of [00:12:15]helping everyone to feel like they are wanted. Whichever primal question yours [00:12:20] is, that is your superpower that you bring to the world.

And as [00:12:25] you answer your primal question with a yes. The very thing that you have always [00:12:30] wanted a yes to is now yours to give away. Now if [00:12:35] you're wondering what is my primal question, we would love to help. [00:12:40] If you email us at podcast@reclaimstory.com, we'll [00:12:45] send you a link to the free primal question assessment.

We'll send you A [00:12:50] PDF that breaks down each question, and it may even help you in relationships. [00:12:55] Let's say you take the assessment, find out your primal question, and then maybe your best [00:13:00] friend or your spouse takes the primal question assessment, and then you can look and begin to [00:13:05] compare on that PDF, and hopefully it'll give you powerful insights.[00:13:10]

We are also gonna send you powerful scriptures that show how Jesus answers every one of those [00:13:15] primal questions. With that resounding yes, and we pray that [00:13:20] this may just be the clarity that you're looking for. Well, we are so [00:13:25] glad that you joined us today. Thank you. Our heart is to help you [00:13:30] find healing from the pain of your past, so your story becomes your strength.[00:13:35]

And the Primal question framework is a great tool to help us understand [00:13:40] ourselves, our past, and our future, so our story can become our strength. [00:13:45] That is exactly what happened in Selena's life. Be sure to join us [00:13:50] on April 21st for our next episode as she shares how the Lord brought her [00:13:55] from being trafficked to walking in true freedom.

Her story [00:14:00] is powerful, and now God is using her to bring hope and healing to others [00:14:05] who are coming out of trafficking. You won't wanna mess this inspiring episode. We'll see [00:14:10] you then. Thanks for listening. I pray you found hope in today's [00:14:15] conversation and maybe. Even feel a little less alone in your story.

Stay connected [00:14:20] with us on Facebook and Instagram at Reclaimed Story. Wanna learn [00:14:25] more about living a reclaimed life and how you can be a part of our growing community of Reclaimers? [00:14:30] Check out our website@reclaimedstory.com. All of those links [00:14:35] and more will be in the show notes. And if you enjoy this inspirational podcast, be [00:14:40] sure to subscribe, rate and review.

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