Forgiveness In Real Life ~ Maurice Martin Ep. 138

How do you forgive when the pain still lingers? When apologies never came? When the memories refuse to fade? Forgiveness isn’t easy, and living it out in real life can often feel impossible.

In a recent powerful conversation with our friend Maurice F. Martin on a live webinar, he tackled these difficult questions, exploring practical ways to release others and find true freedom for ourselves. 

Maurice's teaching was so transformative that we knew it had to be shared with a broader audience. We’re excited to bring you this episode that offers a profound, unique perspective on forgiveness and practical steps to experience freedom for yourself. 

As the holidays approach, it’s time to think about finding meaningful gifts for those we love. This Christmas, why not shop with purpose? By choosing from our exclusive collection of over 70 pieces of inspirational jewelry, you’re not only giving a beautiful, high-quality gift but also supporting a women’s ministry that changes lives.

Our pieces are crafted from solid stainless steel, designed for durability and affordability to make your shopping easy. Plus, we offer free U.S. shipping and include a personalized, handwritten note with every order.

Let us be your Amazon this Christmas! Visit reclaimedstory.com, and as a thank-you to our podcast listeners, use the code 10off4me for 10% off your order!

He is not a stranger to Reclaimed Story, you may have heard him on previous episodes, Maurice F. Martin is the inspiring Hope Rising Podcast host, two-time bestselling author, transformational coach, and keynote speaker. Maurice is on a mission to guide people into walking into the fullness of their God-given purpose. Let's talk about forgiveness in real life.

Connect with Maurice on social media @mauricefmartin
You can purchase Maurice's book, Your But is Too Big  HERE
Check out more of Maurice's programs HERE
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Transcript

Transcript is auto-generated

[00:00:00] Denisha: How do you forgive when the pain still lingers, when [00:00:05] apologies never come, when the memories refuse to fade. [00:00:10] Forgiveness isn't easy and living it out in real life can often [00:00:15] feel impossible. In a recent powerful conversation [00:00:20] with our friend Maurice F. Martin on a live webinar, He tackled these [00:00:25] difficult questions, exploring practical ways to release others and find [00:00:30] true freedom for ourselves.

Maurice's teaching on this webinar was [00:00:35] so transformative that we knew it had to be shared with a broader audience. So [00:00:40] we're excited to bring you this episode that offers a profound, unique perspective on [00:00:45] forgiveness and practical steps to experience freedom for yourself. [00:00:50] As the holidays approach, it's time to think about finding those meaningful gifts for the [00:00:55] people we love.

This Christmas, why not shop with purpose? By [00:01:00] choosing from our exclusive collection of over 70 pieces of inspirational jewelry, [00:01:05] you're not only giving a beautiful, high quality gift, but you're also supporting a [00:01:10] women's ministry that changes lives. Our pieces are crafted from [00:01:15] solid stainless steel, designed for durability and affordability to make your [00:01:20]shopping easy.

We offer free us shipping and include a personal [00:01:25] handwritten note with every order. So this Christmas visit [00:01:30] reclaim story. com and as a thank you to our podcast listeners, use the code [00:01:35] 10 off for me. That's the number 10, the word off [00:01:40] the number for me or 10 percent off your order. He is not a [00:01:45] stranger to reclaim story.

You may have heard him on previous episodes. Maurice F [00:01:50] Martin is the inspiring hope rising podcast host, two time bestselling [00:01:55] author, transformational coach, and keynote speaker. Maurice is on a [00:02:00] mission to guide people into walking into the fullness of their God given [00:02:05] purpose. So today let's talk about forgiveness.

[00:02:10] Welcome to Living the Reclaim Life podcast. I'm Denisha. We're glad [00:02:15] you're here for conversations that revive hope, inspire healing, and encourage [00:02:20] you to live a vibrant life with Christ. So grab a cup of coffee as we chat with [00:02:25] today's guest. 

[00:02:26] Maurice: Well, Denisha, I just thank you. I think you [00:02:30] just for your consistency, first and foremost, that it is a beautiful thing when you get [00:02:35] a chance to, you know, do podcasts and interviews and all these things, and you meet a lot of different types of [00:02:40] people.

You don't always get a chance to meet somebody that you feel like actually starts to [00:02:45] change your life in little ways. And some of our conversations that we've had, some of our [00:02:50]encouragement that we've had in within emails and things to one another has really been something that has [00:02:55] meant a lot to me.

So I just wanted to say in front of everyone, whether they're listening afterwards or, or [00:03:00] live, thank you for all that you do. And so I am just [00:03:05] excited. To join you all today. This is an important conversation. I said on social media [00:03:10] in a post that this is one of the most critical conversations we can have [00:03:15] because forgiveness is something that everyone needs to do [00:03:20] and needs to have as an active part of their life.

You must forgive and [00:03:25] forgive often. And yet forgiveness is something that a, we don't talk about a [00:03:30] lot and be most of us really don't know how to actually do. And then do again [00:03:35] and then do again and then do again. And so today we get a chance to talk about that. [00:03:40] Let's be so vulnerable and so real that we all have the opportunity [00:03:45] to grow.

And so as I wrap this little intro, here's how I'll put it. I am not [00:03:50] necessarily the greatest person in the world when it comes to trying to make you comfortable. My goal is [00:03:55] actually not to make you comfortable. So Danesha is fantastic at making you feel [00:04:00] comfortable. My goal is not for you to be comfortable.

My goal is for you to be [00:04:05] safe. So you are safe enough in this conversation to be uncomfortable. [00:04:10] When you're uncomfortable, you're right at the place you need to be to grow, or to [00:04:15] grapple, or to wrestle with a thing. When you're uncomfortable is where you're right where [00:04:20] you need to be in order to transform.

So it might get a little uncomfortable, [00:04:25] embrace that feeling, and let's make sure everybody grows. So here's how I want to start this [00:04:30] thing. If it's okay, I just want to start with a prayer. Is that okay? So I want to give [00:04:35] you all permission to come on muted and the easiest thing for us to do [00:04:40] is Why don't we start with what people often call the Lord's Prayer?

Some people call it [00:04:45] the ideal prayer, the model prayer, right? The Lord's Prayer. Are we cool with just praying [00:04:50] together? Here we go. Our Father, who art in heaven, [00:04:55]

[00:04:55] Denisha: Hall, be thy name. Be thy. 

[00:04:57] Maurice: Thy kingdom come. Kingdom [00:05:00] thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. [00:05:05] Give us to this day our daily bread as we forgive our [00:05:10] trespasses, as we forgive those trespassed against us.[00:05:15]

Lead us not into temptation, tempation. Deliver us from evil, [00:05:20] for thine is the kingdom, the power, and the [00:05:25] glory 

[00:05:25] Denisha: forever, 

[00:05:27] Maurice: amen. So [00:05:30] Jesus is doing a teaching, and he's teaching about all of these ins and [00:05:35] outs of what to do and what not to do when it comes to being the [00:05:40] right kind of person who's after the heart of God.

And [00:05:45] he says, There's some ways not to pray. Don't just pray in a [00:05:50] way that just draws people's attention But you're not really speaking from the heart and you're really not [00:05:55]trying to get across anything to heaven But instead when you pray pray like this [00:06:00] and he begins by saying our father who art in heaven Hallowed [00:06:05] be thy name he begins by saying When I pray, I'm praying [00:06:10] to a father, someone who loves me and cares about me, who is in [00:06:15] heaven, and he is holy.

He is everything that I'm [00:06:20] not. He is the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end. The [00:06:25] prayer starts off by an acknowledgement that God is God, and it's also who [00:06:30] God is. to me. He then says, thy kingdom [00:06:35] come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. He says, not [00:06:40] only is God amazing, but God is a king [00:06:45] who has a kingdom.

And this kingdom, the ultimate goal [00:06:50] is that whatever the kingdom of heaven wants to happen, we want to bring that [00:06:55] to earth. The will of God, the purpose of God, [00:07:00] the instruction of God, that the key is that whatever God [00:07:05] wants to happen, we pray. Every day that God's [00:07:10] will hits the earth. And now the prayer starts to get perfect.

So [00:07:15] it says that kingdom come by will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this [00:07:20] day. Our daily bread. So God, we want your will. So [00:07:25] while you're taking care of the earth while you're doing the things that we want you to do and [00:07:30] that you want to get across on the earth. Could you please make sure that we [00:07:35] get exactly what it is that we need.

Amen. In our lives. [00:07:40] And we know that there's a scripture that says, man does not live on bread alone, but on every worth that is [00:07:45] uttered from the mouth of God. So this is not just about making sure that you get consumption of [00:07:50] food, but also spiritual food. It's please make sure I get everything [00:07:55] I need. And then forgive us are some versions say debts.

[00:08:00] Some versions say trespasses as we forgive those who trespassed against us. [00:08:05] So Jesus says, when you pray, pray this way, [00:08:10] he starts off the prayer by talking about God, who [00:08:15] God is, how majestic and mighty God is the will of God hitting the [00:08:20] earth. Then he says, please give us what we need. And please [00:08:25] forgive us.

This is the only time in that prayer where [00:08:30] he then talks about the expectation of how we should interact with the [00:08:35] world. He does not say in that model prayer, [00:08:40] please help us to love, even though we know we're supposed to love. [00:08:45] He doesn't say, give us peace or give us patience for the people that we interact [00:08:50] with, even though we know those things are necessary.

He says, when you pray. [00:08:55] Make sure you take the time to pray [00:09:00] that you may be able to forgive people. Forgiveness is so [00:09:05] important that God tells you, Jesus tells you, pray about it [00:09:10] whenever you pray. That tells me it must be [00:09:15] something that requires more than me to execute. [00:09:20] That prayer must be so powerful, but also [00:09:25] so complicated that I need to call on God and [00:09:30] say, please forgive me for whatever I have done today [00:09:35] as you strengthen me.

to forgive others. I [00:09:40] wanted to start this conversation that way, because forgiveness is something we [00:09:45] don't always talk about as believers. And yet forgiveness [00:09:50] is as critical is anything you will ever read about in the Bible. [00:09:55] And we spend a lot of time saying, I'm so thankful that Jesus died for me, that my [00:10:00] sins are forgiven.

But it is very clear that it's not just about [00:10:05] Me accepting the forgiveness of God, but about me [00:10:10] walking in the forgiveness of God, which is supposed to be extended to other people. [00:10:15] I come in contact with Maurice. Why is that an important thing for us to talk about? [00:10:20] Because freedom comes from forgiveness [00:10:25] and forgiveness.

leads to freedom. And [00:10:30] if I say yes to the forgiveness of God, but never learn [00:10:35] how to extend the forgiveness of God, I end up [00:10:40] not fully embracing the freedom that God [00:10:45] intends. I'm going to say that one more time food for thought something for you to [00:10:50]think about. If freedom [00:10:55] is something that I get from forgiveness.

Yes. [00:11:00] Salvation is what we call it. God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten [00:11:05] son. If freedom, salvation, [00:11:10] life as we understand it, new life and new beginnings, [00:11:15] if all of these things come for forgiveness, and yet we find [00:11:20] ourselves bound on the inside, We'll never fully find [00:11:25] ourselves fully free.

So today this is a conversation about [00:11:30] freedom. How do you get free from the things that hold you back in your mind [00:11:35] and in your heart? How do we get the freedom of forgiveness? And we're going to [00:11:40] talk about it. We're going to talk about why it's tough and why it's necessary and all these things. And I'm going to [00:11:45] give you more scriptures that back up what I'm talking about right now.

But that's where I want to start [00:11:50] this journey and start this conversation. When you pray, [00:11:55] pray this way, Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be [00:12:00] thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth [00:12:05] as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our [00:12:10] trespasses as we forgive those who have trespassed against us.

And [00:12:15] lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil [00:12:20] for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. [00:12:25] Amen. The only mention of how we interact and show up with the [00:12:30] world in that prayer has to do with forgiving people of their [00:12:35] debts and their trespasses and interactions. How does that make you all [00:12:40] feel at the start of this conversation.

When you hear those words, [00:12:45] does that help you understand how important forgiveness actually is to God. [00:12:50] It is an emotional messy journey to navigate. It was for God to, [00:12:55]I'm pretty sure that Jesus was was up on a cross, he [00:13:00] had been beaten spit on, he was [00:13:05] asphyxiating People were laughing at him and jeering him, calling him [00:13:10] names.

And yet he said, father, forgive them for they know not what they do. [00:13:15] There's a story of Stephen, the first, one of the first disciples, and he is being [00:13:20] stoned. And as the messiness, the pain of that [00:13:25] moment hits almost the exact same prayer, forgive them Lord, [00:13:30] or they know not what they do that forgiveness is often messy, [00:13:35] even when it's God forgiving that sometimes we do the wrong thing [00:13:40] on purpose and then we have to go back and ask for forgiveness.

That whether the forgiveness is [00:13:45] coming to us or being extended to someone else, it is absolutely a messy thing. [00:13:50] I wanted to start this conversation that way because I wanted to put us in the [00:13:55] mindset of forgiveness is a very practical thing that needs to take place [00:14:00] in our lives. But ultimately, it's the most spiritual thing, one of the most spiritual [00:14:05] things we'll have to do in our lives.

That when I say forgive, you're [00:14:10] like, well, I know I need to practically forgive, but what does that even mean? And [00:14:15] ultimately forgiveness is emotional. It's spiritual. [00:14:20] It's a mind, body, soul experience because you feel pain and [00:14:25] hurt and heartache and heartbreak in every part of your being. And [00:14:30] when I forgive, it's one of the hardest things to do, yet it is [00:14:35]one of the things that is most necessary for us.[00:14:40]

I want to talk a little bit as we really get into this conversation about why is [00:14:45] forgiveness so important. Forgiveness is a journey. [00:14:50] Not a moment. I make that statement before we even break [00:14:55] into anything else, because when we talk about forgiveness, we need to [00:15:00]identify that we are not talking about a magical, mythical moment.

That's just going to [00:15:05] bam, wallah, abracasam, abracazoo. That's not what we're talking about when [00:15:10] we're talking about forgiveness. Forgiveness is something that is a [00:15:15] journey. It is a set of moments and [00:15:20] experiences and decisions. Forgiveness is [00:15:25] a series of interactions. Forgiveness is a set of choices.[00:15:30]

Forgiveness is this process of letting go [00:15:35] of the grasp, the hold, the grapple that a moment [00:15:40] has on you. I often say to people, I want you to picture this [00:15:45] for just a moment. I want you to imagine that there is a [00:15:50] prison cell, and inside of that cell, This is a person [00:15:55] who badly hurt you. This is the person who [00:16:00] called you the things that you can never forget the person who [00:16:05] touched you in ways that you can never let go of this is the person who betrayed your [00:16:10] trust and betrayed your love and your trust.

Relationship. [00:16:15] This is a person who pulled you down to your lowest lows. This [00:16:20] is a person who did the unthinkable or the unimaginable, and they are [00:16:25] sitting in a jail cell. You think to yourself, this person, they have [00:16:30] done the unthinkable. They have done the unmentionable. They have done the [00:16:35] unforgivable.

And what I will not do is let them out of this prison cell because [00:16:40] they don't deserve it. Sometimes that person, by [00:16:45] the way, might even be your own reflection because you're mad at you. But [00:16:50] I want you to imagine that there is a prison cell and there is a person inside [00:16:55] of it because of that day, that night, that [00:17:00] moment, that betrayal.

Does everybody have somebody in their head? [00:17:05] The hard thing about forgiveness is that part of you says, if I let them out [00:17:10] of this cell, they could hurt me again. They could wound me again or scar me [00:17:15] again or break me again. And so I will not let them out. But the [00:17:20]truth is that no matter who you think is in that [00:17:25] cell, when you really walk up close to the cell, and you allow [00:17:30] yourself to look inside of it.

You find that it is always [00:17:35] you inside the person who was a part of that moment, the person [00:17:40] who was a part of that memory. They're not really in the cell. They're off somewhere [00:17:45] living their own life. If they're still alive, maybe they've even passed and they're not living at all. Whatever it [00:17:50] is, whoever it is that you need to forgive.

They're not in the cell of your mind, the [00:17:55] prison of your mind. You're the one trapped there. And so [00:18:00] forgiveness is ultimately about letting go [00:18:05] of the things that won't let you go. Finding freedom from the [00:18:10] things that are keeping you stuck and in bondage. [00:18:15]Forgiveness breaks you free from the bondage of your past.

[00:18:20] And so whether we're talking about someone else who's hurt you or you needing to [00:18:25] deal with your own forgiveness of the things that you've done, I've got to [00:18:30] get to freedom. We need to understand that freedom isn't just a [00:18:35] moment because there will always be something that tries to get me stuck again. I get free on [00:18:40] Monday, but Tuesday rolls around.

I feel joy and peace and happiness [00:18:45] on Thursday, but by Friday I forgot about the work I did. One of the things that I [00:18:50] often say to people is, you did not actually do the [00:18:55]forgiveness work. They did. She did. [00:19:00] He did. Here's what I mean. You, that day, [00:19:05]did the forgiveness work. But now you've matured. You've grown.[00:19:10]

You're older than you used to be. You're a week older, you're a month older, you're [00:19:15] a year older, you've now had new life experiences and new parts of the [00:19:20] journey. And now when the trigger comes the trigger hits different than it did the [00:19:25] last time. You had already grappled is that version of you with that problem but [00:19:30] now it's six months later and you're a new version of you and you think, I thought I got over [00:19:35] that already well you did that version of you got over the hurdle [00:19:40] got over that fork in the road.

you And now the new version of you has [00:19:45] to then do the extra work. Now the new version of you [00:19:50] has to continue the healing and continue the growth. [00:19:55] Maurice, I don't know if what you're saying is biblical. I just think that this is you giving your [00:20:00] opinions. Okay. Matthew chapter 18 verses [00:20:05] 21 and 22. Then Peter came to him and said, Lord, how often [00:20:10] shall my brother sin against me?

And I forgive him up to seven [00:20:15] times. And Jesus said to him, I do not say to you up [00:20:20]to seven times, but up to 70. Times [00:20:25] 770 times 7. Why on earth would a [00:20:30] person forgive that many times? Well, there's more than one reason. [00:20:35] One of the reasons that a person would need to forgive over and over again [00:20:40] is because as humans, we fall and we fail often.

We [00:20:45] fail to be kind. We fail to be loving. We fail to keep our word. We fail to [00:20:50] show up the way we should read your Bible and you'll see a love story [00:20:55] between a God and his people with the people always fall and falter in the sight [00:21:00] of God. And God always needs to send a prophet to send a judge [00:21:05] to send a person to say, repent and come back to me.

And I'll [00:21:10] forgive you. And so in personal interactions, it's going to be the same way [00:21:15]I'm married. One thing I can tell you, my wife and I have to say, I'm sorry. All the [00:21:20] time, forget about seven times 70. It's like 70 times 70. Like it's [00:21:25] just like my bad all the time. Real relationships [00:21:30] require the over and over again forgiveness.

But I also think that [00:21:35] we have to consider how God works. When Jesus [00:21:40] died, he died for all sins. Yes, he died [00:21:45] to take away the sins of the world, all of them. So are [00:21:50] your sins forgiven? All of your sins are already forgiven. And yet, when I [00:21:55] pray, I have to ask him to forgive me of my trespasses. [00:22:00] Now, why would I have to ask to have my trespasses forgiven [00:22:05] if they've already been forgiven?

Because the reality is that even though [00:22:10] he's already forgiven me, he still has to forgive me again for the thing he already forgave me [00:22:15] for. That is a part of the process of forgiveness. [00:22:20] That God knew what I was going to do before I did it, but yet part of [00:22:25] the maturity and the growth and the intimacy of my relationship with God [00:22:30] is that I grow when I grapple with the things he knew I would do [00:22:35] when I do it.

And he says, I already forgave you for that, but now I have to forgive you again [00:22:40] for it because it's part of how we grow together. I can tell my kids, look, you're [00:22:45] already forgiven for whatever you do, because I know it's coming. And yet I still have to [00:22:50] forgive and forgive and forgive. And sometimes I still have to forgive them when they're not there.

[00:22:55] Cause I start tripping. I can't believe that they actually did that. I talked to him about it. I worked [00:23:00] with them on it. We got through this, did it anyway, I can't, and I got to forgive them again. And I got to [00:23:05] remind myself, well, there's learning and they're growing and they're young and all these things.

And so sometimes the [00:23:10] forgiveness, is about the moment at hand. And sometimes that forgiveness [00:23:15] is the rehashing of the moment. That has already been the [00:23:20] 70 times seven is not just about standing in front of the person and forgiving [00:23:25] them. But think about the scripture that says, if you have problems with your brother, and you get [00:23:30] to the altar, get up from the altar, go up to them and work [00:23:35] out your problems.

That to God, it is so important for [00:23:40] us to be on the same page in your heart. Sometimes we say, I'm [00:23:45] sorry, but we really haven't forgiven yet. We haven't let go yet. [00:23:50] We haven't got out of that prison cell. And so I wanted to really lock in [00:23:55] to this part of the conversation for you to think about when someone hurts [00:24:00] you, you often have to forgive them over and over and over, [00:24:05] not just for what they will do, but for also for what they've already done.

It's [00:24:10] part of the locked in program. God knew that you were going to ruminate on certain [00:24:15] things. God knows what it's like to have trauma, to [00:24:20] have betrayal. Scripture says Jesus faced every temptation we did, yet [00:24:25] did not sin. So there's nothing that you can go through He [00:24:30] hasn't gone through. He just didn't sin.

We do. He knows what it is to have your mind say, [00:24:35] I cannot believe that I went to this city I grew up in and they would not believe me. A prophet [00:24:40] is without honor in their hometown. He knows what it's like when your [00:24:45] family comes up to you and thinks you're crazy and won't support you. He knows what it is when one of your [00:24:50] best friends betrays you and turns their back on you.

He knows [00:24:55] what it is to go through walking through a city being praised and being loved [00:25:00] and then be pulled down by the same people. Jesus knows what it is to [00:25:05] go through strife and strain and stress and frustration and to still have [00:25:10] to find a way to be kind. And to be loving. And so I'm trying to [00:25:15] paint this picture at the start of this conversation.

I guess we're not at the start anymore. We're kind of in the middle of [00:25:20] it, but I want to paint this picture with you that forgiveness is an [00:25:25] over and over again thing. It's a process. It is maturation [00:25:30] and growth. It's not just a magical moment. Continue to [00:25:35] remember the scripture that talks about Jesus's yoke being easy.

And his burden [00:25:40] being light that we have to understand that the reason that we choose to be Christians is [00:25:45] because we have a need for a Savior. And so if there's like a burden that just keeps [00:25:50] coming back to me, this is the thing that I have to continually put back on Jesus because I [00:25:55] took the weight again.

I got to put it back on God because my emotions have [00:26:00] taken all of this weight again. And I have to say, you know what? I forgive again. I'm letting go of this [00:26:05] again. I'm putting it back on God again. And we'll talk about what that looks like, but I want you thinking [00:26:10] about whenever the burden comes, it has to go somewhere I don't have to have guilt and shame [00:26:15] for it.

That's why I have a God. That's why I, that's why I worship Jesus and pray to [00:26:20] Jesus. He's everything. I'm not, he can do everything. I can't do. He's the [00:26:25] peace in the storm. He's the difference maker. And so I don't have to feel guilty [00:26:30] that I need for God to be God. I think about when Jesus [00:26:35] does the miracles and he feeds a bunch of people.

And the next day, a whole bunch of people show up [00:26:40] to walk with Jesus. And he says to them, well, you guys aren't really [00:26:45] here for me though. You just here. Cause I fed you yesterday. You guys know that scripture. [00:26:50] You think about it. Jesus says some cold blooded stuff, right? Like Jesus sometimes says things that are so [00:26:55] human.

He's like, you guys don't really want me. You want the miracle I [00:27:00] did yesterday, but today is a new day. I'm not about to do that again. That's [00:27:05] why I say that whatever it is that happens with Jesus, with God, [00:27:10] it's not just a moment, it's the walk. Let me give you [00:27:15] James where he says, consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, because the [00:27:20] testing of your faith produces perseverance.

Let the perseverance finish its [00:27:25] work, making you whole and complete, lacking nothing. Alright, [00:27:30] so we talked about this number, right? So 70 times 7. So I did a little bit of [00:27:35] research, and 70 times 7 equals the number 490. [00:27:40] 490 actually has biblical meaning. [00:27:45] It is the word temim in Hebrew. And the word [00:27:50] temim means complete, perfect, or finished.[00:27:55]

So when Jesus says, No, not seven, [00:28:00] but 70 times seven. He's speaking to the fact that [00:28:05] you should forgive enough that your forgiveness leaves you in a place of [00:28:10]wholeness or perfection, where you're not in a state of stress or [00:28:15] strain or strife, but when it's all said and done, you should be perfectly in sync [00:28:20] with the will of God.

70 times seven actually has a meaning. It [00:28:25] means the completion or perfect will or finished will of God. [00:28:30] So the scripture I just gave you in James, when it says consider it pure [00:28:35] joy, my brothers and sisters, when you face trials of many kinds, because the [00:28:40]testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let the [00:28:45] perseverance finish its work.

Well, have you ever had somebody [00:28:50] that you really cared about that hurt you in a major way [00:28:55] that left you feeling wounded. You know what that'll do. [00:29:00] It'll test your faith. Have you ever had a tragedy or [00:29:05] a trauma or a heartbreaking moment that rocked you to your [00:29:10] core where you were left wondering, can I forgive for this?[00:29:15]

Well, that is a testing of your faith. And [00:29:20] whenever you end up in a situation where you're, I prayed for you, I prayed for your strength and you [00:29:25] hurt me, or I prayed for my baby, my baby still got hurt, or I prayed [00:29:30] for this house put oil anointing oil all over the house and the house burned down. [00:29:35] I even need to forgive God for what I feel like I need to let go of you understand what I'm saying like [00:29:40] whatever it is that is causing you to feel like you need to do forgiveness work.[00:29:45]

You're doing it because you've had your faith tested. And part of the reason that I'm [00:29:50] ongoing doing work is because God is perfecting me [00:29:55] and completing me and maturing me in the midst [00:30:00] of the process of me forgiving. I wanted you guys to really be thinking about that [00:30:05]concept of the perfection or the completion or the finished work, because [00:30:10] I think that we need to understand that when it comes to forgiveness, There are [00:30:15] a lot of misconceptions that exist about why life happens the way it [00:30:20] happens.

One of the things that we have to acknowledge today is that [00:30:25] when tragedy happens when when heartbreaks happen when trauma or drama or [00:30:30] painful moments. We can talk about the fact that there's a lot of different types of things I might need to forgive for [00:30:35] some of its baby stuff, and some of its major stuff right.

I'll tell you guys a [00:30:40] secret. So I had to ask somebody to forgive me today. Right. So I got into [00:30:45] an argument with somebody in my ministry. And I almost never get [00:30:50] into arguments. Like I probably have been in like 10 arguments in 15 years. Like I don't [00:30:55] do the whole argument thing. And do you know that today when I had to talk about forgiveness, I get into an argument with [00:31:00] somebody and it was like about something real petty.

And I was in my feelings and I was letting this person know [00:31:05] I was in my feelings and I was like, listen, if you think this is because you don't know me and [00:31:10] I don't appreciate this. And I was, you know, I was giving all this. And it was at the end and I was like, well, I'm going to tell [00:31:15] you what we can do now on from now on.

And I let them know it was not going to do this. And we were not going to have it [00:31:20] that way. And it is what it is. And goodbye. Right. And it was like three hours later and I [00:31:25] was just thinking about it and I was marinating. My emotions were heightened. And I was [00:31:30] frustrated and irritated and angry and feeling all of these [00:31:35] things welling up inside of me.

And I said, Ooh, I'm probably going to have to forgive her. And I said, you know what? I'm [00:31:40]probably going to have to ask her to forgive me. I say, you know what? I'm probably going to actually have to. And then this was the [00:31:45] moment when I actually got mad at everybody in this group. Cause I had the moment when I realized I actually have to call this [00:31:50] person.

Cause I can't look at them. If I don't do my forgiveness work right now. And I [00:31:55] called the person on the phone. And I apologized for how I may have come out of character in this [00:32:00]conversation and then she apologized to me and we got on the same page. And then I did the work on the [00:32:05] inside. There's some baby situations where like somebody just gets on your nerves and you can [00:32:10] forgive them without much effort.

You just got to be real about it. And [00:32:15] then there's the stuff that's way harder. Then there's the things that it's like, [00:32:20] I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive you but I'm really going to try. We have to [00:32:25] acknowledge that there's levels to forgiveness, which is why there's levels to [00:32:30] the process of forgiving someone earlier talked about faking it till you make it.[00:32:35]

Amen. Hallelujah. I hate faking it till you make it. What I tell people all the time [00:32:40] is, if you fake it until you make it, you must understand that anything that you [00:32:45] practice, you become like you become your habits. So if I [00:32:50] practice being fake, when I actually make it to the finish line, what will I end up [00:32:55] being?

Fake. So even if I actually get the real result at the end, I'll [00:33:00] feel like a fraud. Fake it till you make it till you get the job you want, then you get the job you want. They call it [00:33:05] imposter syndrome. Now I have the job, but I don't feel like I deserve the job. That's [00:33:10] because you were faking it till you made it.

So I always say that the difference is you [00:33:15] don't want to fake it till you make it. You want to believe it until you achieve it. [00:33:20] You want to believe that God can make you whole, that God [00:33:25] can complete you. He's the author and finisher of your faith, [00:33:30] that in Jesus, there is a perfection that is taking [00:33:35] place even today in your life.

And you must believe that God [00:33:40] always completes what he starts, always finishes what he starts. [00:33:45] And God is not a man that he should lie. These are scriptures. So I must [00:33:50]believe that God is going to do a work in me that he will forgive me [00:33:55] for my trespasses. As I forgive those who have [00:34:00] trespassed against me, that when my mind goes astray and all of a sudden [00:34:05] I'm angry again, and all of a sudden I'm bitter again, and I got triggered and I just [00:34:10] decided, I hate you again, even though I forgave you and I don't want to talk to you [00:34:15] and I go off the deep end.

I pray that God [00:34:20] will forgive me for my trespasses as I forgive those who have [00:34:25]trespassed against me. Do you see it now that scripture [00:34:30] is so relevant to your life if you're struggling with forgiveness, [00:34:35] because when you come out of character, because someone came out of character, God [00:34:40] already had a plan for that is called prayer.

And anytime that I go [00:34:45] back to God and give him my stuff, anytime that I go back to God and depend on [00:34:50] him and lean on him, God uses it for my good. [00:34:55] We need to know, here's why I keep giving you scriptures. You need to know what the [00:35:00] Bible says and what it doesn't say. The Bible does not say, [00:35:05] okay, maybe somebody's listening right now.

You're listening on the podcast. So you don't see my face and all the [00:35:10] enthusiasm. I need somebody to hear this. The Bible does not [00:35:15] say everything happens for a reason. Now, people say that a lot to [00:35:20] you in church, when you have emotions, they feel uncomfortable with. [00:35:25] I just don't understand why this happened to my baby.

Well, you know, everything happens for a reason. Who [00:35:30] said that? Well, I just don't understand why she would cheat on me. Well, you know, [00:35:35] everything happens for a reason. Who said that? Here's the problem with those [00:35:40] words. I want you to think about this. People tell you things like [00:35:45] everything happens for a reason.

Here's why that's dangerous. When the offense is [00:35:50] big enough, there are certain things that cannot be explained away. There are [00:35:55] certain types of tragedies and heartbreaks and problems that people go through where [00:36:00] there is no explanation that can come that will make everything make sense. There [00:36:05] are people who are on this call right now who have experienced things in your [00:36:10] life where nobody can tell you what the reason is.

And if that [00:36:15] is the case, you will find yourself saying, well, as soon as I [00:36:20] understand why God let this happen, then I'll forgive. As soon as I can [00:36:25] rationalize how this took place, then I can forgive. And you'll find yourself [00:36:30] staring always at the past, stuck in the prison of your mind, trying to [00:36:35] figure out why it happened.

And if that's something that God told you to do, [00:36:40] then by all means do it. But you won't find that in your Bible. What you'll find [00:36:45] in your Bible are phrases like, All things work [00:36:50]together for the good of those who love the Lord and are [00:36:55] called according to His purpose. Well, that means that that's forward facing [00:37:00] that God can use whatever happens [00:37:05] for the good of the situation and the good of the people as life progresses.[00:37:10]

He can use it for your heart, use it for your mind, [00:37:15] use it for your purpose and what it is that you start doing in your life. He can [00:37:20] use your tragedies. He can use your teardrops. He can use your testimony. [00:37:25] It's forward facing, not rear facing. Does [00:37:30] everybody hear the difference? What the enemy intended for evil, [00:37:35] God Used for his good for my good is the actual scripture, right?[00:37:40]

Think about that scripture. Evil happened. One thing that we [00:37:45] know is that we live in a fallen world. And so sometimes [00:37:50] some things happen and it's like, well, what's the, why? Well, sometimes the only, why we can really give is [00:37:55] we live in a world full of evil, full of, full of depression, full of anxiety, [00:38:00] full of, Full of, we wrestle not against flesh and blood.

So we understand that there are things [00:38:05] happening spiritually that we cannot see and that we do not understand that [00:38:10] bring forth this darkness into the world. Some of the, the only [00:38:15] why that you're really going to get for why certain things happen is that we live in a fallen state in [00:38:20] a fallen world. And so somebody trying to explain a way that that's [00:38:25] why this man did this to this little girl, that this is why this, this woman did this to [00:38:30] this little boy, why it is that somebody set your house on fire, why somebody caught a stray bullet, [00:38:35] why your, why your cousin died in a random car accident with a drunk driver, some things [00:38:40] you can't explain away.

And so it's really important for us to be rooted [00:38:45] and grounded in this understanding that biblical principles have [00:38:50] within them the keys to our destiny. And you will not [00:38:55] find the key to destiny that says stare backwards at the past, get lost in the [00:39:00] past, stay angry about the past, let them know that they'll never be forgiven by [00:39:05] you, and you'll find peace.

Scripture says. All things work [00:39:10] together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to his [00:39:15] purpose. That I have to keep my mind stayed on Jesus in the [00:39:20] midst of the hard times, in the midst of the struggles. That I have [00:39:25] to understand that some moments are actually bigger than me. My pain [00:39:30] is real and it's big, but what God can do with it is bigger.

So when [00:39:35] I gave you that explanation about 490 and the completion and the perfection and the [00:39:40] finish. We need to understand that whatever it is you've gone through, God can [00:39:45]use. That's why we forgive. We're about to talk about how we forgive, [00:39:50] but I need you to hear why it's so important that it's not just freedom for [00:39:55] you.

It's freedom for those you come in contact with because God will use it for his good. [00:40:00] It does not say everything happens for a reason. So [00:40:05] stop saying that to people after tragedies. I'm so angry. I'm [00:40:10] so angry. Well, baby, it's like, you got to calm down. Everything happens for a reason. Stop telling people that [00:40:15] it's not in the Bible.

You don't know why things happen the way they did. [00:40:20] But you got to help pray them through it. Anyway, I'm sorry. I needed to talk about that. I needed to [00:40:25] get that. It's one of my soapbox things because it's important. So now we have to have a [00:40:30] conversation about how to forgive. I am a [00:40:35] counselor. I am also a life coach.

And so I have had a lot of [00:40:40] training when it comes to helping people do forgiveness work. And I think that that's [00:40:45] important for me to mention because a lot of the things that we talk about with people are really hard concepts. [00:40:50] The first thing that we have to understand that where I would start with the how of [00:40:55] acceptance, excuse me, the how of forgiveness is that forgiveness really is [00:41:00] wrapped around the concept of acceptance, acceptance.

Part of [00:41:05] how you forgive is by accepting that what happened, happened [00:41:10] and cannot be changed. Denial is a real thing that any person who goes through any sort [00:41:15] of grief or any sort of hard times is going to face. Denial is just normal. [00:41:20] There has to be a moment where I accept that what [00:41:25] happened happened.

One of the things I say I want to take you back to the prison [00:41:30] cell, and in the prison of your mind there is someone sitting in [00:41:35] a seat, who has hurt you emotionally, spiritually, [00:41:40]maybe physically, maybe all three. If I tell you, you [00:41:45] must accept that what happened happened and forgive them. For [00:41:50] many people, when they hear those words, they think, then that means I'm letting them off the [00:41:55] hook.

And many people struggle with forgiveness because they say, well, that's not right for [00:42:00] them to get let off the hook. So there is a statement that I often [00:42:05] tell people, and I'm going to say this a couple of times, you might want to write it down, but this is how I [00:42:10] look at it. What this person did was [00:42:15] unacceptable.

It is also unacceptable for that [00:42:20] thing. To keep me stuck for the rest of my life. [00:42:25]Therefore, I accept that the unacceptable thing took [00:42:30] place. And I accept my role in walking into God's freedom. [00:42:35] I'm going to say that again. What happened was [00:42:40] unacceptable. It is also unacceptable for that thing [00:42:45] to keep me stuck for the rest of [00:42:50] my life.

Therefore, I accept my [00:42:55] role in walking into the fullness of God's freedom. There's [00:43:00]a couple things that were just said in that statement. I The first one is the [00:43:05] acknowledgement that some things that happen to us are unacceptable. We're [00:43:10] not playing a game of pretend. Sometimes people really experience [00:43:15] unacceptable things.

I can't tell you all the clients that I've had over the years. [00:43:20] How do you tell a guy it's acceptable that your mother molested you? [00:43:25] How do you tell a person it's okay that somebody killed your kid? How do you [00:43:30] find it acceptable? Like there's not acceptable and it'll never be acceptable. Some of the [00:43:35] tragedies and heartbreaks that exist in life.

So we're not going to play [00:43:40] pretend. We're saying, no, no, no, this is unacceptable. And it's unacceptable [00:43:45] for whatever that was. To steal all of [00:43:50] your joy for the rest of eternity. To steal all of your hope. To steal [00:43:55] all of your love for the rest of your life. Yes, you'll have to grieve. [00:44:00] Yes, you'll have to mourn.

Yes, it's going to be hard. No, it's not going to be [00:44:05] easy. But it's unacceptable for whatever robbed you of that thing [00:44:10] to keep you stuck forever. To keep you bound forever. But Maurice, what if it's me I [00:44:15] can't forgive? What you did was unacceptable, but it's [00:44:20]unacceptable for you to allow your worst moments of your life to [00:44:25] keep you stuck for the rest of your life.

Therefore, [00:44:30] you must accept your role in walking [00:44:35] fully fully into the freedom. Do you see how that [00:44:40] still applies to you? That this acceptance moment is accepting the [00:44:45] responsibility for healing. Does everybody understand that? [00:44:50] And I was real specific, I said accepting your role. I would love to pretend that [00:44:55] anytime you have to forgive, that forgiveness will always come with an apology.

Somebody [00:45:00] hurt you, somebody scarred you, somebody wounded you, they come back with a heartfelt [00:45:05] apology, and then you gotta grapple with the heartfelt apology unto completion. [00:45:10] Sometimes we experience that, sometimes we don't. [00:45:15] I grew up in a house where, this is how I often explain it, [00:45:20] my mom, if you ever sat down with my mom, my mom would tell you she was abused.[00:45:25]

She says she was an abused wife. He was an abuser. And [00:45:30] I say, well, mom, what about me? I was there. And she says, you [00:45:35] just had a father who was strict. Well, he hit me with the same force. He hit [00:45:40] you. I was three. He said the same nasty and mean things to me that he [00:45:45] said to you. I still have trauma that I have to go to therapists for, for the things I [00:45:50]saw and the things that were done to me and the things that I experienced.

[00:45:55] And my mom still says, you just had a father who was strict. I [00:46:00] remember sitting down and having conversations as a grown adult with my dad and having some [00:46:05] conversations about hey Some of the things that happened in our household were not okay [00:46:10] And he looked at me and said I've done the work to apologize, to [00:46:15] forgive you.

Now you'll just need to do the work to do the same. I [00:46:20] said, you did what? He didn't say, I'm sorry for the things that I've done. [00:46:25] He said, I forgive you for anything that you ever did as a teenager. So you'll just [00:46:30] need to forgive me. You'll need to work that out with God. Those were his words. He was right. I [00:46:35] do need to work it out with God, but no apology, some things in [00:46:40] your life will not come with the other person [00:46:45] fulfilling their role the way you'd like for various reasons.

[00:46:50] And so you cannot control what is uncontrollable. You can [00:46:55] only accept your role in doing the work to walk into [00:47:00] God's freedom. Scripture says, He who the sun sets free. [00:47:05] is free indeed, which means even when you feel stuck, you're [00:47:10] already free. You'll have to find it. Holy spirit. You're on the [00:47:15] inside of me.

Where is the freedom right now? I feel so stuck. I feel so [00:47:20] lost. I feel so broken. Where is the peace that I'm supposed to have that surpasses [00:47:25] understanding? Where is the joy unspeakable that is supposed to be my strength that comes from you? [00:47:30] Where is it God? Sometimes I got to pray real prayers and [00:47:35] ask for real things because It's supposed to be on earth as it is in heaven.

[00:47:40] See how that Lord's Prayer thing was real. [00:47:45] That there is an understanding that this is a spiritual [00:47:50] journey where sometimes I can walk in freedom that I don't know is already [00:47:55] there. It's already there. I just can't feel it. [00:48:00] It's already there. I just can't sense it. It's already [00:48:05] there. I just don't know how to access it.

That's why I need a Savior. [00:48:10] I'm going to show you guys this in context, and I never even saw this like this [00:48:15] until I started preparing to speak to you all. And I really want you to see this because to [00:48:20] me, this was kind of breathtaking. I want you to [00:48:25] see how when I gave you the Lord's prayer and I talked about on earth as it is in heaven, that [00:48:30] this really does have to do with forgiveness and they really do tie together.[00:48:35]

We're almost out of time but I want to make sure I get you guys everything I can. This [00:48:40] is the scripture that the seven times 70 comes from. I want you to see this [00:48:45] in context. It says, assuredly, I say to [00:48:50] you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, [00:48:55]whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

Again, I say to you that if two of [00:49:00] you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for [00:49:05] them by my father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in my [00:49:10] name, I am there in the midst. The parable of the unforgiving servant, then [00:49:15] Peter came to him and said, Lord, how often [00:49:20] shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him up to seven times.

[00:49:25] Jesus said to him, I do not say to you up to seven times, but up to 70 [00:49:30] times seven. Jesus is talking [00:49:35] about the relationship between earth and heaven. He's saying when something is [00:49:40] bound in the heavenly realm, it will be bound here on earth. When [00:49:45] something is set free in the spiritual realm, it was set free on [00:49:50] earth.

He says, when you pray and you pray where you come into agreement in the [00:49:55] prayers. The prayers will make things move in my presence comes down. [00:50:00] And because they're having the conversation about heaven and earth, Peter's like, well, then this must [00:50:05] be my chance. Hey, can you tell us about forgiveness? Because Peter [00:50:10] understood that forgiveness comes from the relationship between earth and heaven.

[00:50:15] It's connected. They go together. [00:50:20] That's why it's talked about in the Lord's prayer. And it seems to be in sequence [00:50:25] here that the disciples have been listening to Jesus. And Peter's like, man, you're [00:50:30] talking about how earth and heaven go together. And you said that we need to be forgiven as we [00:50:35] forgive those who sin against and all these things.

So he's like, Hey, how often are we supposed to [00:50:40] forgive? Because he just said, when we're on one accord in prayer, [00:50:45] the heavens move. Well, when you and I are at odds, [00:50:50]something stays stuck. That was worth the price of admission. When you and [00:50:55] I are on one accord The Lord can move. [00:51:00] The Spirit of God can move.

What happens when you and I [00:51:05] are, have discord? God cannot move in that situation. [00:51:10] And so what I need to understand is, if there's a situation where [00:51:15] me and the other person cannot get on the same page, I just need to get [00:51:20] on the same page with the one who stands at the right hand of the father and praise for [00:51:25] me and get on the right to the same page as Jesus so that heaven can move.[00:51:30]

He stands in the gap for me. He makes up for the other people who [00:51:35] still have a hard heart. He stands for me with the people who I can't [00:51:40] really work with. So sometimes acceptance has to be the [00:51:45] understanding. It can't be me and the one who hurt me. It just has to be me and Jesus. [00:51:50] Sometimes me, Jesus, and my therapist.

It can't be [00:51:55] me and the person who broke me sometimes. Now, when it can be, work on it. If it's [00:52:00] somebody who is actively in your home, then the forgiveness has to be a constant [00:52:05] interaction of accepting that whatever happened was a mistake. Was unacceptable and it's unacceptable for it [00:52:10] to keep you stuck.

And therefore you accept the responsibility to walk in Christ's freedom, which [00:52:15] means you're going to have to forgive, but forgiveness has boundaries. Forgiveness has an understanding. When [00:52:20] Jesus forgives me, he expects me to walk with righteousness, right? When he forgives me, we [00:52:25] talk about repentance.

Right. That when I read about my scriptures, the scriptures say [00:52:30] I accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior, then I must repent of my sins, which [00:52:35] means I don't just say, I'm sorry, I must turn away. So if it's me in [00:52:40] my house with somebody, once I accept that, I need to forgive you. I then [00:52:45] expect. A change and I must [00:52:50] expect I must set up expectations.

So this number two step I give you [00:52:55] is first I accept, then I set up expectations. [00:53:00] If I am forgiving somebody who I still have interactions with. [00:53:05] I must set up expectations for how they will interact with me and how I [00:53:10] will interact with them moving forward. Some situations we get to still [00:53:15] act the same and we get to just move forward like we're all good.[00:53:20]

But sometimes there's an expectation that something must change for us to [00:53:25] exist or coexist moving forward. That I can forgive you, but we can't [00:53:30] ever have the life we had before. So there's new boundaries, new policies, new [00:53:35] procedures. You must turn away from who you've been. to walk with me. [00:53:40] They must repent.

The same would be true of yourself. If you [00:53:45] fell, if you did the wrong thing and you need to forgive yourself, or you [00:53:50] need forgiveness, you must accept your responsibility. Then you must set up [00:53:55] new expectations as you move forward. And if the person again [00:54:00] is somebody that you cannot interact with, you must set up [00:54:05] expectations between you and God.

Because you must expect that there's going to be [00:54:10] times when you're triggered and it's going to be hard. How will you handle it? [00:54:15] You will be triggered and it will feel impossible. Who will you call to pray [00:54:20] with you? You will be triggered and it will be frustrating. It will seem [00:54:25] impossible. What are your scriptures that you are dedicating yourself to turning to [00:54:30]and meditating on when it happens, set up your [00:54:35] expectations.

I must expect seven times 70, [00:54:40] even if they're gone, even if they're somebody from my past, [00:54:45] somebody who hurt me when I was five years old, and I'm doing forgiveness work now at 55, [00:54:50] it's still going to require 70 times seven. What are my expectations for myself? [00:54:55]Will I give myself kindness when I have a rough time?[00:55:00]

Will I give myself compassion when I don't feel like being [00:55:05] compassionate? Will I be kind to myself that I can't always have the perfect emotions? [00:55:10] Will I love myself? Will I let God love on me? I have [00:55:15] to set expectations. And the third step is to create accountability, [00:55:20]create accountability. If I'm really doing forgiveness work, [00:55:25] I shouldn't be the only person who knows I'm going through the forgiveness work.

Your secrets [00:55:30] keep you sick. And so if I am working on trying to get my heart [00:55:35]unstuck, and unfrozen, I must have someone in [00:55:40] life, even if it's just the person who hurt me. Maybe it's just them. Somebody's gotta [00:55:45] know I'm doing this work to actively forgive. But Maurice, I don't have anyone. Turn [00:55:50] to a journal.

And look at it often, Marisa, I don't have anybody to talk to hire [00:55:55] them, hire a life coach, hire a therapist. I have a therapist that [00:56:00] my next therapy session is tomorrow. Tanisha raised her hand. She said, me too. [00:56:05] You may have to hire your accountability. Marisa, I don't believe in therapy. [00:56:10] Talk to your pastor.

I just told you that if two or more people agree in [00:56:15] prayer, that heaven is moving. So anytime you're feeling the [00:56:20] weight of unforgiveness, anger. [00:56:25] Bitterness, brokenness, despair, heaviness. Who's your prayer partner [00:56:30] turned to that accountability and let them hold you accountable. You said that whenever you felt this way, we [00:56:35] were going to pray together.

Now let's pray. So there's a whole bunch of ways you can do [00:56:40] it, but you must actively actually do it. I will tell you [00:56:45] that I have. I can't tell you how many times I've done this. I have gone through just the list in [00:56:50] prayer. Every person who I felt I needed to forgive and it ends up being like every person you ever met in your [00:56:55] entire life, but you literally just go through the list of people that you have in your heart that you [00:57:00] haven't forgiven, at least not forgiven.

And this version [00:57:05] of your life. I forgave that person what 10 years ago, and let me say this and I'm [00:57:10] almost out of time, so I'm going to open it up but I want you guys to hear this. I was telling you about [00:57:15] my family and my childhood. Well, when I was a child, [00:57:20] I was actually less angry about how my family treated me that I am now, [00:57:25] because my family told me that what they were showing me was love.

We [00:57:30] act like this to you because we love you. And the [00:57:35] only time that my family said I love you was usually after discipline. [00:57:40] I did not grow up with a mother who hugged me. I remember at my high school [00:57:45] graduation my mother hugged me. And that was the first time she'd hugged me since I was probably in junior high school.[00:57:50]

I remember the hug, because it was like a big deal. So to [00:57:55] me as a young kid, I was just getting loved in a hard way. [00:58:00] Now, I have babies, as you just saw, and I sometimes look at my [00:58:05] kids and I can't comprehend how my parents treated me the way [00:58:10] they did. I'm triggered in adulthood in a way I wasn't even [00:58:15] triggered in my 20s when I started going to therapy dealing with it.

So I have to forgive [00:58:20] again, as an adult, even though I did the forgiveness work in my 20s, I have to [00:58:25] forgive at 40 years old. A differently than I did when my first [00:58:30] daughter was born, because now I'm seeing my daughter, look at me in the eyes and tell me [00:58:35] something that's not true. And then I have to find grace for it and compassion for it.

And I think, well, if I [00:58:40] can find that, how come you couldn't. And I got to forgive again. [00:58:45] You guys get it. I'm not telling you that to feel sorry for me. I'm saying [00:58:50] every version of you has to go through your process of saying who does [00:58:55] this version of meaning to forgive and you need to start by accepting that [00:59:00] it was unacceptable.

What happened, and it's unacceptable for that thing to keep you stuck. [00:59:05] And then you need to set new expectations. I think that this triggers will be coming back [00:59:10] and so what I'm going to do when it happens again is. And I then I find accountability [00:59:15] someone to pray with me. A journal that I could write in if I don't have anybody, [00:59:20] a therapist, I can sit and talk to look, I'm trying to do this forgiveness work and it's really hard and I'm really [00:59:25] upset today and I need to get this off my chest.

A pastor that you can talk [00:59:30] to whatever it is that you choose, but those three things to me are [00:59:35] incredibly important steps that will look different for everyone, but that [00:59:40] if you can't do those things you can't even start the process of forgiveness. 

[00:59:44] Denisha: Wow. [00:59:45] What a powerful episode. We thank Maurice for both his time live on the [00:59:50] webinar and for allowing us to turn this into a podcast for you to hear, to [00:59:55] stay connected with Maurice.

You can find him on Instagram and Facebook at [01:00:00] Maurice F Martin. That's Maurice F as in Frank Martin. [01:00:05] You can also find him@mauricefmartin.com. There you can find all [01:00:10]of his books. You can find a digital course and you can invite him to come and [01:00:15] speak. He also has a YouTube channel that goes by the same name, Maurice f [01:00:20] Martin, and on Amazon and Audible.

You can find his book. Your Butt is [01:00:25] too Big. We hope you enjoyed this episode. [01:00:30]Thanks for listening. I pray you found hope in today's conversation and [01:00:35] maybe even feel a little less alone in your story. Stay connected with us on [01:00:40] Facebook and Instagram at reclaimed story. Want to learn more about living [01:00:45] a reclaimed life and how you can be a part of our growing community of reclaimers.

Check out [01:00:50] our website at reclaimed story. com. All of those links and more will be [01:00:55]in the show notes. And if you enjoyed this inspirational podcast, be sure to [01:01:00] subscribe, rate, and review. Not only will you be the first one to know when new content [01:01:05] comes out, but it is also a huge help in helping us reach more people to [01:01:10] live the reclaimed [01:01:15] life.