Find Your People ~ Denisha Workizer Ep. 133

You do not have to do life alone. In this episode, we will talk about the impact of loneliness in our lives and the ways we can find our people. 

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Transcript

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[00:00:00] Have you ever been lonely today? We're going to talk about the impact of [00:00:05]loneliness in our lives and ways to find our people. Welcome [00:00:10] to living the reclaim life podcast. 

I'm Denisha. We're glad you're here for [00:00:15] conversations that revive hope, inspire healing, and encourage you to live a vibrant [00:00:20] life with Christ.

So grab a cup of coffee as we chat with today's guest.[00:00:25]

Have you felt like this year [00:00:30] has gone so fast? It's hard to believe it's already the end of [00:00:35] August of 2024. We just launched our fall Reclaimed Life [00:00:40] groups, and it feels like just yesterday we were wrapping up our spring groups. [00:00:45] Every year in the fall and the spring, Reclaimed Story hosts a 12 week [00:00:50] intensive healing group online so you can join from anywhere in the [00:00:55] world.

And that is a group that is a safe group to process the pain [00:01:00] of your past. So if you are interested in joining us in the spring, you can go to [00:01:05] our website at reclaim story. com and click on the interest list. And [00:01:10] we'll be sure that you're one of the first to hear when we launch our groups in the spring, [00:01:15] but boy, has this year gone by fast.

On the topic of launching [00:01:20] Valerie and I each launched a child to college this month in other [00:01:25] cities. You guys, so many emotions. Let me tell you, as we sent [00:01:30] our children off to college, the thought that kept coming to me was that [00:01:35] they're on their own. They're going to a foreign city, a foreign place [00:01:40] to live.

They're going to sleep in a new bed. All of these things that are completely [00:01:45] not in their normal life for the past 18 years. And a [00:01:50] lot of times they're going to feel lonely for a little bit until they find their friends until they find [00:01:55] their people. And this month at Reclaim Story, that's what we're talking about.[00:02:00]

Uh, you may have seen on social media, we've been talking about how do we find our [00:02:05]people? Whether you joined a life group or not, it is so important that we [00:02:10] find our people. And why is it so important that we have people in [00:02:15] our lives to support us and that we can support them? Because there are so many [00:02:20] things right now in this world that is seeking to divide us.

And friends as [00:02:25] human beings made in the image of God, we are [00:02:30] designed to be together. We are designed for community and belonging and supporting [00:02:35] one another. And so that's what we're going to talk about today. It may be very tempting in the [00:02:40] busyness and the rush and the accelerated time that it feels like we're all going through [00:02:45] to isolate ourselves, to get too busy that we haven't let people [00:02:50] in to our lives.

How do we find our people? And why is it so [00:02:55] important that we find our people? Do you have [00:03:00] people in your life? Who is your support system? Maybe you can [00:03:05]immediately list names of family and friends that are in your corner that will be there for [00:03:10] you on the mountaintop when life is going great and there's celebration and [00:03:15] also in the valley when things are hard.

Or maybe you have mountaintop [00:03:20] friends that are there to celebrate with you, but you have a lack of valley friends, [00:03:25] friends that will climb into the pit with you when things are hard. Or maybe you have [00:03:30] Valley friends, people that will come in when things are hard, but you don't have people to celebrate [00:03:35] at the end of the day to click your glass with and toast life's [00:03:40] celebrations.

Or maybe you find yourself with neither group at your side. And you [00:03:45] feel alone. I remember last year, our team attended the global [00:03:50] leadership summit and Liz Bohannon talked a lot about [00:03:55] loneliness. And I want to share with you some of my notes from her talk, because this really [00:04:00] encourages us wherever we are in life.

It doesn't have to be a life group. It can be through [00:04:05] church, their activities, through clubs, through friends and family. But how [00:04:10] important it is. That we have people in our lives and that we find [00:04:15] our people. There is something that can actually threaten your health [00:04:20] more than diabetes, obesity, or smoking 14 cigarettes a day.[00:04:25]

And that problem is loneliness. We all know it to some degree and we have all [00:04:30] felt it. It's a psychological state that arises when we lack the intimate [00:04:35] and authentic relationships that we need to thrive. And guess what? Nearly [00:04:40] two out of three people in America would say that they are lonely. And here's what we [00:04:45] know.

There is still a lot of shame and stigma attached to being lonely. Two [00:04:50] out of three people are lonely, but only 12 percent of people are willing to [00:04:55] openly admit or talk about it. So the first thing we want you to know is that if [00:05:00] you feel alone, you are not alone in feeling alone. You are [00:05:05] not lonely because you're unsuccessful or not good enough.

You're not unlikable [00:05:10] or unlovable or unlucky or unworthy. You're not [00:05:15] difficult or annoying, although maybe some of us are, but you don't [00:05:20] need to feel ashamed or embarrassed because your loneliness is not an [00:05:25] accusation of your unworthiness. It's a signal. It's your mind [00:05:30] and body trying to tell you that you have an unmet need for connection.

[00:05:35] God designed us for connection. Our loneliness isn't a sign [00:05:40] that something is wrong with us. It's a signal that tells us that the [00:05:45] way that God has designed us is working. Our body is honoring the [00:05:50] way that God created us by raising a red flag and saying, Hey, we are not [00:05:55] okay. We are lonely. I believe that loneliness is not a [00:06:00] you problem or a me problem.

It is an us problem. And our [00:06:05] loneliness is not random or inexplicable or unavoidable. Our [00:06:10] collective loneliness is actually the result of the culture that we're all actively co [00:06:15]creating and building and designing together. From replacing our front porches [00:06:20] with attached garages so that we go into our home and it's like there's a moat around us [00:06:25] that keeps us separated from our neighbors.

We see our neighbors less than before. [00:06:30] We keep our face in our phones and we rely on DoorDash and Uber instead of having [00:06:35] a meal together. And although those are not bad or wrong in any way, [00:06:40] it is very helpful in our lives. But when we prioritize certain values above others, [00:06:45] that produces results in the long run.

One of those results [00:06:50] is the rapid rate of decline in time spent with friends. And the [00:06:55]increase of time spent alone that we've been seeing over the last decade. Liz [00:07:00] Bohannon says that in 2010, adults were spending an average of six and a [00:07:05] half hours a week with their friends. In about a decade, that decreased by [00:07:10] 59 percent to less than two hours a week.

So it makes sense [00:07:15] that those numbers, those statistics, our habits are impacting us. Every [00:07:20] age group and demographic is lonelier than ever. For Less than one out [00:07:25] of five moms would say, I trust my community with my faults [00:07:30] and weaknesses. That's 20 percent of moms. According to Barna [00:07:35] research, men particularly are five times lonelier today [00:07:40]than they were in 1990.

And one of the most alarming statistics is [00:07:45] for the first time in recorded human history, we're seeing that the younger [00:07:50] populations are lonelier than ever. We're in the midst of an epidemic [00:07:55] and there is such a great need and incredible opportunity for us as believers [00:08:00] to live according to God's design for us and from the instruction we see throughout [00:08:05] scriptures.

We talked about the mountaintop and we talked about the valley. [00:08:10] Galatians 6. 2 says, carry each other's burdens and in this way you will [00:08:15] fulfill the law of Christ. So I want to challenge you today. Friends, what would it look [00:08:20] like for you to carry? Someone else's burdens. And what would it [00:08:25] look like for someone else to help care yours?

I love a quote [00:08:30] from Mike Foster. I will carry the hope for you until you can carry it for [00:08:35] yourself. Do you have people in your life to click glasses with [00:08:40] in times of celebration? Do you have people in your life who will climb into [00:08:45] the valley with you and sit and not try to fix it, but just be with you [00:08:50] as a community, as an encouragement, and as a friend.

As I was [00:08:55] dropping my child off at a college dorm with all of her stuff that she [00:09:00]needs for the next few months. And I was getting in the car to drive away. I [00:09:05] found myself a little bit jealous. And I'll tell you why. I saw [00:09:10] her alone in a place she didn't know anybody. A total [00:09:15] uprooting of her life as she knew it.

She has one roommate and a [00:09:20] whole lot of people on campus that as of right now are strangers. But see, when you live on [00:09:25] campus at a college, your whole life is designed around [00:09:30] activities and clubs and classes, and there are so many ways to get involved. [00:09:35] And I found myself a little bit jealous. I thought, well, there's not clubs and [00:09:40] activities, and I'm not getting emails and texts every day saying, come to this lobby or [00:09:45] come here, we're having this and this activity.

And there's not all these fun things in my boring [00:09:50] life as an adult. But then I realized that I actually have the same [00:09:55] opportunity that she does to find my people. You see, we [00:10:00]don't have to do life alone. And you might be thinking, Denisha, I don't [00:10:05] have places to do this. I work from home. It's me and my cat.

This is what I do. I [00:10:10] order my groceries. I go drive, pull in the spot. They pick them up. I don't even run into people at the grocery [00:10:15] store anymore. And that is true. That is part of our convenience lifestyle that we can work from home. [00:10:20] We can have somebody else shop for us. For our groceries. So we don't see anybody, but friends, I want to encourage [00:10:25] you today to take the step to find your people.[00:10:30]

I want you to do that for so many reasons. One for our health, for our [00:10:35] lifestyle, our mental health, our physical health. We are not meant to do life alone. [00:10:40] And there are many ways as adults that we can find those clubs and activities and [00:10:45] fun stuff that our kids have the opportunity to engage with. One is [00:10:50] church.

If you are not in plugged into a body of believers, I want to encourage you [00:10:55] to do that. There are so many opportunities at churches to get [00:11:00] involved, to serve. It does our heart good when we serve and work alongside others. And we [00:11:05] never know when God is going to bring those relationships that might even last a lifetime.[00:11:10]

There's different clubs and hobbies. You know, if you play pickleball, that's like a whole thing [00:11:15]now. At our jobs, maybe we linger in the hallway a little bit more. Maybe it's an opportunity to [00:11:20] make a new friend. Maybe God's been impressing upon your heart somebody to reach out to, either [00:11:25] to check in on or just to connect with.

Maybe it's time that we do that. So in the [00:11:30] month of August and every day, I want to encourage you friends to find [00:11:35] your people. Find people that you can do life with, that will help carry [00:11:40] your burdens. And when we don't have hope, that they will carry the hope for [00:11:45] us. Maybe you're hearing this charge and thinking, Danesha, I've been hurt by [00:11:50]people.

To quote Mike Foster again, he says, if you sit by a [00:11:55] campfire, And you don't like the smoke in your face. Your hair smells like smoke. You have to take a [00:12:00] shower after the campfire. If you don't like that and you avoid campfires all together, [00:12:05] you also miss out on the warmth of the fire. You also miss [00:12:10] out on the conversations, the s'mores, all the great things that happen at a [00:12:15] fire around a campfire.

And the same thing is true with people. We may get a little smoke in [00:12:20] our face, but as we reach out, we may also experience connection and [00:12:25] belonging and love. And friendships. So I want to encourage you, friends, [00:12:30] bind your people. Next month in September, we are going to [00:12:35] tackle a big topic. Why you do what you do.[00:12:40]

We're going to discover valuable biblical and trauma informed insights to [00:12:45] understand yourself and others better. This is going to be a pretty [00:12:50] fantastic month on the podcast. We have Mike Foster. We have Robin [00:12:55] Blumenthal and Sanghoon Yoo. All three will have valuable insights to [00:13:00] help us understand ourself and others better.

So I'm super excited about [00:13:05] September. I'm going to give you a peek into the last quarter of this year, October, [00:13:10] we're going to talk about forgiveness in real life. Unforgiveness can be so [00:13:15] painful. It can even be an emotional prison. When we forgive, it brings [00:13:20] healing, peace and beauty to our lives. So join us in October for forgiveness [00:13:25] in real life.

Now, November in the United States, we have this crazy [00:13:30] election going on. And so in November, we're going to talk about creating healthy [00:13:35] boundaries because we know there's going to be a lot of divisiveness in our culture. We're going to [00:13:40] learn tools to safeguard your wellbeing and cultivate healthier, more fulfilling [00:13:45] relationships.

December, what a great time to look at our [00:13:50] relationship with God and we're calling it re imagined. And our hope is that as [00:13:55] we are created to do life with God, restoring our width in our [00:14:00] lives. Is going to bring freedom and fullness to our lives every day. [00:14:05] In December, join us for your relationship with God re imagined.

[00:14:10] This month, we pray that you will take a step out to find your people and that you would [00:14:15] join us in September for why you do what you do see their friends. [00:14:20] Thanks for listening. I pray you found hope in today's [00:14:25] conversation and maybe even feel a little less alone in your story. Stay [00:14:30] connected with us on Facebook and Instagram at Reclaimed Story.

Want to learn [00:14:35] more about living a reclaimed life and how you can be a part of our growing community of [00:14:40] reclaimers? Check out our website at reclaimedstory. com. All of those links [00:14:45] and more will be in the show notes. And if you enjoyed this inspirational podcast, [00:14:50]be sure to subscribe, rate, and review. Not only will you be the first one to [00:14:55] know when new content comes out, but it is also a huge help in helping us reach [00:15:00] more people to live the reclaimed life.