Control vs. Surrender ~ Denisha Workizer Ep. 124

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Transcript

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[00:00:00] Denisha: In the month of April, we are going to be talking about reviving hope, [00:00:05]reviving hope in our lives, reviving hope in our circumstances, and [00:00:10] that we can be a reviver of hope in the lives of others. You're [00:00:15] going to see that theme on our blog, in the podcast, and in social media. So we [00:00:20] hope that you'll join us for the conversation.

You can find us on Facebook and Instagram [00:00:25] at Reclaimed Story. In today's episode, I want to speak to those [00:00:30] of you who might feel discouraged or overwhelmed, or maybe you're just [00:00:35] tired of life being hard. In this episode, we are going to look at the difference [00:00:40]between control and surrender. And I pray that by the end of this [00:00:45] episode, that hope will be revived for you.

Welcome [00:00:50] to living the reclaim life podcast. I'm Denisha. We're glad you're here for [00:00:55] conversations that revive hope, inspire healing, and encourage you to live a vibrant [00:01:00] life with Christ. So grab a cup of coffee as we chat with today's guest.[00:01:05] [00:01:10]

I want to speak to those of you who might feel discouraged [00:01:15] or overwhelmed, or you're tired of life being [00:01:20] hard. Depending on when you listen to this, this past Sunday was [00:01:25]Easter. And in churches all around, we celebrated the [00:01:30] resurrection. Jesus dying on the cross and rising again. And in [00:01:35] that resurrection, friends, everything changed.

Our [00:01:40] lives, our hope, our eternity, our walk with Jesus, and our everyday [00:01:45] lives, everything changed. Yet, in this world, [00:01:50] in our lives, We experience suffering, discouragement, [00:01:55] overwhelm, and we can get tired of life being unpredictable or out [00:02:00] of control. And you may find yourself today facing [00:02:05] anxiety, fear, or uncertainty.

Well, I want to tell you that you're [00:02:10] not alone. When life is spinning out of control, One of the [00:02:15] things that we like to do is to try to take control. [00:02:20] So today we're going to talk about the contrast of control versus [00:02:25] surrender. Now, I don't know about you, but even hearing those two words in the [00:02:30] same sentence, control, surrender, it puts a pit in my [00:02:35] stomach because in all honesty, I like control [00:02:40] or shall I say the illusion of control.

For me, [00:02:45] I spent a lot of my childhood staying one step ahead of my environment. [00:02:50] I got really good at predicting how my night was going to go based on how [00:02:55] a car door shut. Learning to do that when I was super young, it had [00:03:00] served me very well growing up. It kept me safe and it helped to make an [00:03:05] unpredictable atmosphere, an unpredictable life.

a little more predictable. [00:03:10] Now, I am years past needing to prepare emotionally [00:03:15]for an adult's response or behavior. Now, I am that adult with children of [00:03:20] my own, but that concept of staying one step ahead of my life still [00:03:25] stays with me. And it plays out in so many different ways in my life [00:03:30] now. For instance, when I go into a restaurant, you won't see me with my back [00:03:35] towards the door because I have to stay one step ahead of a potential [00:03:40] threat.

I don't enter into deep friendships easily because [00:03:45] I want to be able to protect my feelings. I still try to stay [00:03:50] one step ahead of my life. And do you know what that's called friends? [00:03:55] It's called control. Trying to maintain control as a child [00:04:00] served me really well and it kept me safe. But it doesn't [00:04:05] serve me as well as an adult.

And I would guess that control doesn't serve [00:04:10] you well either. Now you might be thinking, but Denisha, when I [00:04:15] face something so hard in life, I need to know that I am on top of things. [00:04:20] Well, I get it because you're speaking my language there, but I want to [00:04:25]offer you and I another solution. One that requires [00:04:30] trust and faith and surrender.

And I want to start that by [00:04:35] looking at Jesus example. In Matthew chapter 26, this was [00:04:40] before the crucifixion, just after the Last Supper. Jesus went with his [00:04:45] disciples to a place called Gethsemane. And Jesus knew what he was facing. [00:04:50] He knew what was coming. And just like us in life, in [00:04:55] these moments, he felt overwhelmed, anxious, and [00:05:00] discouraged.

In Matthew chapter 26, verse 38, Jesus told his [00:05:05] disciples, my soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of [00:05:10] death. Now, I don't know about any of you right now, but you may say something [00:05:15] like that. My soul is just overwhelmed with anxiety [00:05:20] or exhaustion. What Jesus is saying in these words, my soul is [00:05:25] overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.

He's saying my soul [00:05:30] aches. I'm grieving. I'm overwhelmed. Another gospel writer tells us [00:05:35] that his brow, when he was sweating, it was mixed with blood. [00:05:40] He was in pure agony. Going a little farther in the text, he fell [00:05:45] with his face to the ground. And if you can imagine Jesus going to his [00:05:50] knees and then to his face, and he prayed, my [00:05:55] father, if it's possible, may this cup be taken from me.[00:06:00]

And the cup was known as a cup of suffering. He was [00:06:05] saying, what I'm called to endure the next few hours, would you remove it from me, [00:06:10] God? I really don't want to go through that. I know what's coming, God. I [00:06:15] am begging you. I am overwhelmed to the point of death. Please, God, take [00:06:20] this from me. I don't know if you've ever prayed that prayer or ever felt [00:06:25] similar to how Jesus felt, just overwhelmed.

Well, I want to bring you [00:06:30] back to those words. He says, if it's possible, may this cup be [00:06:35] taken from me, yet not as I will, but as you [00:06:40] will. If it's possible. Yet not as I will, [00:06:45] but as you will, if and yet [00:06:50] Jesus gives us such a beautiful example of surrender. Now, [00:06:55] even though you and I might not be called to give up our lives, but we are [00:07:00]called to navigate hard situations, times of overwhelm, times of [00:07:05] agony in life, to make decisions and to seek God's will for our lives.[00:07:10]

But I wonder, like me, do you like to be [00:07:15] in control of your life? You see, for those of us that like to be in [00:07:20] control, this can be a very frustrating world for us. And you might feel like [00:07:25] you're losing it right now. And I'm going to go out on a limb here, but if you and [00:07:30]I have anything in common, if we like control, we might say, [00:07:35] we're not really controlling.

We're just aggressively helpful. [00:07:40] I'm just very helpful. I just stay one step ahead. That's helpful. I don't like control. [00:07:45] I'm just thoroughly organized. Come on, friends. We like [00:07:50] control and we don't like losing it. There was a UCLA [00:07:55] researcher that called it this. She called it the illusion of control. [00:08:00] Many of us are grieving the illusion that we are actually in control [00:08:05] of our lives when we aren't.

So what is the illusion of [00:08:10] control? The UCLA researcher, she defines it this way, the [00:08:15] cognitive bias that leads us to believe that we have control over an outcome when we really [00:08:20] don't. It's the bias to think that we control more than we actually [00:08:25] do control. Hmm. I don't know about you, but I can [00:08:30] so relate to that.

You see, we overestimate our ability to [00:08:35] control what really is a bunch of uncontrollable events. Right, [00:08:40] if I'm sitting in a restaurant and something's going to happen, it's probably going to happen whether my back is to the [00:08:45] door or not. But here's the big problem, and I don't know if you deal with this, [00:08:50] but the more we try to control, the more afraid we are of losing [00:08:55] control, and the more afraid we are of losing control, the more we try to control, and the more we [00:09:00] try to control, the more we're afraid of losing control, and therefore this cycle [00:09:05] continues.

And I think that many of us today. Are grieving the [00:09:10] loss, not just of real control, but the illusion that we are [00:09:15] in control of our lives. And Jesus offers us a prayer before God [00:09:20] that shows the most powerful words of surrender. In verse [00:09:25] 42 says he went away a second time and we're going to see that [00:09:30] surrender is not always a one time event.

Sometimes you have to go back [00:09:35] to God another time to get it right. Jesus goes a second time and he [00:09:40] prays, My father, if it's not possible for this cup to be taken [00:09:45] away unless I drink it, May your will be done [00:09:50] again. He's saying, if we can do this a different way, I love to do it a different way, [00:09:55] yet not my will, but your will be done to those of you [00:10:00] grieving the loss of the illusion of control to my fellow control [00:10:05] freaks out there.

I hope that we can embrace this truth. You don't [00:10:10] always have the power to control, but you do always have the power to [00:10:15] surrender. And it's in times like this, in the middle of the battle, the [00:10:20] question comes up, where is God in the middle of my mess? Did [00:10:25] God cause this? Is this a punishment for something?

Did God allow it? Is God [00:10:30] going to use it? Can I trust him in the middle of this? And do I face the [00:10:35] challenges or do I just pretend that I'm all right when life is [00:10:40] falling apart? I want to share with you an Instagram reel from Tanya [00:10:45] Godsey. You guys, I heard this this last week and it actually caused me [00:10:50] to rewrite and rerecord this episode.

Tanya's word spoke so [00:10:55] deeply to my heart that I dropped into her DMs and asked if I could share this [00:11:00] clip with you. So I want you to listen to these words from Tanya Godsey. [00:11:05] In the summer 

[00:11:06] Speaker 2: of 2018, I took a trip to Redding, [00:11:10] California, and I walked into A church I had never heard of to hear [00:11:15] a preacher I had never heard of say words that would change my life.

He [00:11:20] said, Jesus did not come to avoid our pain. He [00:11:25] came to transform it. Nothing proves this statement [00:11:30] more than the Garden of Gethsemane. In it, we see the scene where [00:11:35] Jesus is choosing not to bypass his own pain, but to [00:11:40] invite his friends. And to watch and pray with him and then to go to a [00:11:45] quiet place to kneel and to offer his pain into the [00:11:50] process of transformation with God, his father in that [00:11:55] moment, as he does not bypass his pain, but offers it in confession and [00:12:00] grief and anguish.

And in truth, he is inviting God into the moment [00:12:05] to cover the moment with his sovereignty. With his dominion with his compassion [00:12:10] and his care and his love Ultimately leading him to have the [00:12:15] strength to yield and to surrender his life For the sake of [00:12:20] all humanity. We do not have a high priest who is unfamiliar with our [00:12:25] weaknesses We have a high priest who knows what it feels like to live in our skin [00:12:30] This is what makes the cross and the resurrection 

[00:12:32] Denisha: so powerful I [00:12:35] love that Jesus did not come to avoid our pain.

He came to [00:12:40] transform it on Tanya's Instagram. She said that it was Jason [00:12:45] Upton that quoted that Jesus did not come to avoid our pain. [00:12:50] He came to transform it. Jesus invited his friends to [00:12:55] watch and pray with him. He offered his pain into the process in [00:13:00]confession and in truth to God. He invited God into the moment.[00:13:05]

To cover that moment with his love and that [00:13:10] gave him the strength to surrender. Those words of [00:13:15] Tanya sat with me so deeply over the course of a couple of days and I thought, [00:13:20] you know what, this is going to change this episode. So if you're on [00:13:25] Instagram, I highly recommend following Tanya Godsey. It's G O D S [00:13:30] E Y on Instagram.

What's interesting about [00:13:35] Jesus and this particular moment when he comes to God with what he's [00:13:40] actually feeling, he doesn't bypass it. See, in those moments, Jesus [00:13:45] actually did have the power to take control. He could have called down a [00:13:50] bunch of angels. He could have taken control. I would have if it were me, but [00:13:55] instead Jesus chose to surrender.

See, when the creation was [00:14:00] mocking the creator, he looked up into heaven, scorning the shame of the [00:14:05] cross, and he prayed, Father, please forgive them. They don't even know what they're [00:14:10] doing. He said, it's finished. I've done what you've sent me to do. [00:14:15] And in the ultimate act of surrender, Jesus said, Into your [00:14:20] hands, I commit my spirit.

And he gave his life. In those [00:14:25] moments, the world went dark. The earth shook, the temple veil ripped, and the [00:14:30] disciples scattered. You see, God's will is not always easy. [00:14:35]But three days later, our God showed that it is always [00:14:40] good. Some women went to check on the tomb where Jesus had been buried. [00:14:45] And they arrived the stone that was meant to protect his body inside.

The [00:14:50] tomb was not there. It had been rolled away. And when they looked inside the tomb, the [00:14:55] body of Jesus, it was not in the tomb because God raised Jesus from the dead, [00:15:00] defeating death, hell, and the power of the grave. You see, before [00:15:05] there was salvation for us friends. There was sacrifice for him, [00:15:10] and it wasn't easy, but our God is good.

And why did God do [00:15:15] this? So that anyone, and this includes you, me, wherever we [00:15:20] are, could call upon the name that is above every name, the name [00:15:25] of Jesus, the name at which one day every knee will bow and [00:15:30] every tongue will confess that he is Lord. And what will God in heaven [00:15:35] do for us? He will forgive our sins.

He will [00:15:40] heal our brokenness. He will remove our shame. He [00:15:45] will make us brand new, not just a better version of you, but [00:15:50] different because Jesus changed everything. See, the old is [00:15:55] gone because of the amazing grace of the goodness of God. He did [00:16:00]something for us that we could never do for ourselves. We couldn't [00:16:05] save ourselves.

We couldn't be good enough. We couldn't be righteous enough. And that's why [00:16:10] Jesus. came, who was without sin, who became sin for us. [00:16:15] And now we get to be hope dealers, light spreaders, love [00:16:20] givers. And that's what we are because of the grace of Jesus. You [00:16:25]don't have the power to control, but you always have the power to [00:16:30] surrender.

And the question is, what are you trying to control [00:16:35] that God wants you to surrender? Is it a relationship? Is it your health, [00:16:40] the health of someone you love? Is it your finances, your [00:16:45] job, your bank account, your future? What about your kids? [00:16:50] What are you trying to control that's not yours to control? [00:16:55] What if there's really no such thing as partial surrender?[00:17:00]

Maybe part of us wants to surrender and the other part doesn't. But [00:17:05] see, we can't just say, God, I'm going to trust you with some things, but not all the things. I'm going [00:17:10] to trust you to save me, but I'm not going to trust you with my kids. I've got to [00:17:15] control my kids. Come on, I'm gonna trust you to get me to heaven, but I'm [00:17:20] not gonna trust you with my job or my health or my loved ones.

No, [00:17:25] see the key is found in surrender. And there are two [00:17:30] words in what Jesus prayed that are so important. There's two words that are [00:17:35] incredibly important and that is the words if and yet. Jesus [00:17:40] cried out to God, my father, if it's possible. [00:17:45] Yet. Not my will, but your will be done. [00:17:50] In other words, real faith starts between the words [00:17:55] if and yet.

God, if you let me marry this person, I'll [00:18:00] give you praise. If you heal me, if you give me a job with benefits, if you [00:18:05] let me keep my job, if you do this, Yet not my will, but [00:18:10]your will be done. You don't always have the power to control, but [00:18:15] you always have the power to surrender. But here's the problem is [00:18:20] everything in our culture invites us, begs us, lures us to live in a way that is [00:18:25] contrary to the gospel.

Culture tells us to take control. You be in [00:18:30] charge. You make it happen. But Jesus says this in Matthew 10 [00:18:35] 39. He said, if you cling to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your [00:18:40] life for me, you will find it. In other words, to really follow [00:18:45] Jesus is to surrender control. And surrender [00:18:50] isn't a one time event, is it?

Surrender is a daily choice. [00:18:55] And I've discovered, and I am still discovering, and will [00:19:00] probably continue to be discovering to the last breath that I take, that [00:19:05] God can do way more with our surrender than he can with our control. [00:19:10] Friends, we don't always have the power to control our lives, [00:19:15] but we do always have the power to surrender.

So to those of us, me [00:19:20] included, who are trying so hard to be in control, [00:19:25] and we just don't know how to let go. I want to tell you, you may be [00:19:30] 20 inches from full surrender, 20 inches or [00:19:35] so away from knowing the peace on the other side of surrender. [00:19:40] So what is the 20 inches? Well, if we estimate there's probably about [00:19:45] 20 inches between our knees and the floor.

And when you want to be in control, you [00:19:50] stand strong, your knees locked, you are guarded, you are ready for that threat in the [00:19:55] restaurant, you are in control, you stand strong. But when you surrender, [00:20:00] you bend your knees, And you bow before God in the [00:20:05] same way that Jesus did in the garden when his soul was overwhelmed to the point [00:20:10] of death.

And he knelt down before the Father and displayed the greatest faith [00:20:15] between the if and the yet. If you can, and [00:20:20] if you will, please do. Yet, I will trust [00:20:25] you. The real faith starts between the if and the [00:20:30] yet. Whatever you're trying to control that isn't yours. Give it to [00:20:35] him. His will is not easy, but he is always good.[00:20:40]

Jesus suffered, he died, and God raised him from the dead. And [00:20:45] because of that, we worship a good heavenly father who will never leave you [00:20:50] and who will never forsake you. You don't always have the power to control, [00:20:55] but you always have the power to surrender. As Tanya Godsey [00:21:00] quoted Jason Upton, Jesus did not come to avoid our pain.[00:21:05]

He came to transform it. Jesus invited his friends into [00:21:10] his situation and he invited God into that moment and that [00:21:15] gave him strength to surrender. So I want to invite you to do that. [00:21:20] Invite God into your situation. Instead of standing [00:21:25] strong and locking your knees and girding up for any threat that comes your way, bend [00:21:30] your knees and surrender.

Go into prayer and ask God, invite him into your [00:21:35] situation and ask him for the strength to surrender. And this [00:21:40] is such a message for me as well. So as we end this [00:21:45] episode, I would like to end in prayer for each of us. Cause I'll bet [00:21:50] that not one of us listening can't identify something in our lives that we need to [00:21:55] surrender to God.

So father, I thank you for your good and perfect will. [00:22:00] I pray that you help us to trust you even when things aren't clear. Or the [00:22:05] ending is unknown. God help us to believe that your plan for our lives is better than any [00:22:10] plan we could envision for ourselves and to follow Jesus's example of [00:22:15] complete surrender.

God, give us the courage and the strength [00:22:20] in Jesus name. Amen. Thanks for listening. I pray [00:22:25] you found hope in today's conversation and maybe even feel a little less [00:22:30] alone in your story. Stay connected with us on Facebook and Instagram at [00:22:35] Reclaimed Story. Want to learn more about living a reclaimed life and how you can be a [00:22:40] part of our growing community of reclaimers?

Check out our website at [00:22:45] reclaimedstory. com. All of those links and more will be in the show notes. And if you enjoyed [00:22:50] this inspirational podcast, be sure to subscribe, rate, and review. Not [00:22:55] only will you be the first one to know when new content comes out, but it is also a huge [00:23:00] help in helping us reach more people to live the reclaimed life.