Is There Hope After An Affair? ~ Heather Johnson Ep. 44

After an affair and divorce, Heather shares how God restored her marriage through forgiveness and reconciliation. She shares vulnerability how deceptive feelings led her to pursue a relationship outside of her marriage and how God met her so beautifully in the midst of the mess. Theirs is a story of healing and restoration you won’t want to miss! 

Recommended by Heather in this episode...
Book: Torn Asunder by Dave Carder: Recovering from an extramarital affair.
Counselors: Angel and John Beeson 520-369-9048
SOZO ministry: Adina Akiyama, Desert Streams 520-809-4384

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Transcript

 LRL Ep 44 with Heather Johnson

The transcript is auto-generated. 

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

husband, feelings, home, god, lord, bitterness, marriage, realized, teen challenge, friends, praying, amazing, life, healed, story, answered, hope, people, prayer, healing

SPEAKERS

Heather Johnson, Denisha Workizer 

Denisha Workizer  00:01

Welcome to Living the Reclaim life Podcast. I'm Denisha We're glad you're here for conversations that revive hope, inspire healing and encourage you to live a vibrant life with Christ. So grab a cup of coffee. As we chat with today's guest. I am excited to introduce you to a new friend. Her name is Heather Johnson. And we were introduced through a mutual friend of ours. She is married with three kids. She's involved with Sozo ministry, which is a healing and deliverance ministry. And friends, I want to tell you today you are going to be so encouraged by her story. And she has an amazing story of restoration in her marriage. And I think with the season that we're in, I think this is just such amazing timing of gods to bring Heather story to us today. So Heather, welcome.

Heather Johnson  00:53

Thank you. I'm excited to be here.

Denisha Workizer  00:56

Before we get into your story of restoration in your marriage, tell us a little bit about how you grew up.

Heather Johnson  01:04

Yeah, so I, I grew up in a secular home. And I was raised by my grandma who loved me to the best of her ability, but really lacked in the area of fulfilling the emotional needs of all children. And I didn't have a father in the picture. And my mom was in and out of my life, she struggled with drugs. Although side note real quick, she has just graduated from the year long program at the Teen Challenge homophobe and as on her way to doing a six month internship. So praise God for that. All that to say, I was like everyone else really searching for my identity. Not unlike many other fatherless girls, I thought it would be found and how pretty I was and what boy would date me. I was sexually active at a young age and outside of a few, you know actual relationships. I continued in Premiere promiscuity until I met my husband in 2007. I instantly knew something was different about him. Granted, we were both partying and doing everything that went along with that. But I knew something was different about the sky. And later, I would find out that the difference was of course, Jesus. A few months into our relationship, I gave my life to the Lord. And fast forward a couple years we were married, we had our first son. A few years later, we had our daughter a couple years after that we adopted my biological brother due to my mom's continued struggle with drugs at that point. We had a beautiful life with a beautiful family. We attended church weekly, usually twice. We had a great group of Christian friends that we were living life with and our marriage was good. We hardly ever thought. And I think to a lot of other couples, we had a marriage that some people longed for. In 2016, I had an opportunity to fulfill a lifelong dream. I got a call from a dear friend telling me that American Idol was in town that day. And being a singer was something I had longed for. I very quickly found a babysitter and was standing in line to audition with American Idol within a couple hours from getting that call. I was really nervous but really excited. And then I got the call from my husband. And he was uncharacteristically upset that I was there. And I didn't understand what had caused this seemingly overreaction in him. But he told me, he wanted me to leave and go home and be with our children. So I stood in line, just three people away from the door where I would have auditioned and decided that I couldn't go through with it without the blessing from my husband. I felt like I needed to submit to him despite the complete and total lack of understanding that I had and the wrenching pain that I felt. I didn't know it at the time. But this would be the event that the enemy would use to plant not so small seed of bitterness towards my husband within me. Of course, we talked through it later that evening, and he apologized and we realized what had triggered triggered his emotions. But it really wasn't a mess. Growing up in the family that I did, I was never taught how to communicate my feelings. Well. I had a lot of insecurities that began with how I lived and ended with how I felt or what I thought I had a fear of being judged or even loved less for my thoughts, feelings and emotions. So I kept a lot of them to myself, even from my husband mostly unknowingly, of course, and this event was no different. About half a year later, Hi son old boyfriend pop up on my Facebook, and I decided to send them a friend request. With that route of bitterness towards my husband still firmly in place and my unresolved connection between self worth and what men think of me. I quit I found myself confiding in this other guy. From there, my downward spiral into full blown sin happened really fast. Within a couple of weeks, I had met this man in person. And with a cup, within a couple of weeks from there, I was talking with him about divorcing my husband, and my husband had found out. My husband reached out to everyone in our lives searching for his own support, and someone to convince me that I was going down the wrong path. I met with multiple friends and talked with multiple family members, and nobody could ever get through to me, I was so blinded by my deceptive feelings. And my son, Jeremiah 17, nine says, The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick, who can understand it, I would never come to fully understand that verse until I came out on the other side of this nightmare. Um, I remember sitting across one friend in particular, who, unfortunately, our friendship has never quite been the same. But I remember her trying to talk to me and reason with me and help me see the path that I was going down. And I, I just remember desperately wanting to listen to her. And yet, my feelings just fluid in let me it's a strange feeling to, to know what you want to do, and know what's right, but feel so strongly to do the other thing, that huge event where this huge dream, you know, an opportunity to fulfill a dream. And just that getting crushed, and, you know, nothing against my husband, I mean, we've worked through that. And he had his own things to figure out about why that had happened that way. But again, just that root of bitterness. And I think it would be important to note here that we really underestimate the power of that the enemy can have in these situations where bitterness or unforgiveness or hurts and winds take place. And, you know, looking back on that now, I would have really worked to release that and forgive him. And it's just not something I had been taught at that point in, in my Christian life. So I think I think the church or just we as a whole would do each other a great service to bring that to light, more than it is at the moment, you know, to realize that when, when we're hurt or wronged, and those roots try to take place and the enemy uses those things. Just how important it is to speak against those things, to pray against those things. And to forgive quickly, whether you feel like it or not.

Denisha Workizer  07:58

So true. That's so true. That's really That's great advice. Yeah.

Heather Johnson  08:09

So from there, I, like I said, I continued to pursue this other guy. We, I ended up moving in with him. My husband and I divorced in January of 2017. And within a couple months after that, I, despite how I was feeling, again, with those deceptive feelings, I still felt like I loved this man. I didn't want to be back with my husband. But the Holy Spirit was convicting me heavily. He was pursuing me he, you know, like the Scripture says, we leave the 99 to go after the one and I, I would have never understood that verse more than I did in that season of my life, where he really just sought me out again, despite me not seeking Him. And yeah, I ended up telling this guy, I don't want to leave you I still love you. But I can't ignore the Holy Spirit and I can't live like this. Unfortunately, or, you know, or fortunately, either way, I realized quickly that just this guy's manipulation and mind control really came to light in in me leaving him and I because of safety reasons. I had to I had to call a domestic abuse hotline. They put me up in a hotel. And a couple nights into that stay. I was still really questioning my decision to leave this guy I was still feeling very much in love with him. Still didn't really feel love for my husband. And really just questioning if God he even existed or heard me or cared and I cried out to him. And I just basically said, Lord, I, for one, I'm in so much pain, I need you to take this from me, I need you to, if I, if I made the right decision to leave this guy, I need you to take my feelings for him away. And I need to know that I made the right choice and that I am supposed to be back with my husband. And not only that, I need to know that you're real, and that you're listening to me right now. So I prayed that through tears, went to sleep, and woke up the next day completely free from any love, or, you know, wishing I was still with this guy, all those feelings were gone. And I just knew without a doubt that I was I had made the right decision. And I most importantly, I knew that God was listening to me and that he was real.

Denisha Workizer  10:54

You're in a hotel, and you're about to go into Teen Challenge. And you're praying and you're you're fully in love with this with this ex boyfriend, right? And you're praying God, if this is you, that's telling me to go back to my husband. Make this make these feelings stop. Oh, that is such an amazing, just a sovereign act of God right there to that then you wake up in the morning, and these feelings that drove you to leave your family right to leave your husband, suddenly are completely gone. Tell us a little bit more about when you woke up that morning? What did that feel? Like? Did you realize it was an answer to prayer at the time?

Heather Johnson  11:37

Instantly, instantly, because his? My, my thoughts towards this guy? Again, he was very manipulative, controlling, you know, Mind Control was, was strong. So I was constantly thinking about him and wondering, you know, if I should still be with him and so to wake up the next morning, completely free from that. I I would even it sounds silly now. But I would even try and force myself to think of memories with him just so I could see how it would make me feel. And I I mean, no tears. No, no. missing him at all. No, no love. You know, I wasn't in love with him. I didn't want to be with him. I wasn't questioning anything. So yeah, I instantly knew God had answered my prayer. And it was truly a miracle. A moment I will always look back on and realize, you know, God loves me so much. To have done that, for me to have answered that prayer. Yeah, it, there's nothing. There's almost no experience is like it. I won't say there's not any because I've I've I've had multiple with the Lord, but it's definitely it was definitely the beginning of many.

Denisha Workizer  12:51

Wow, that's really amazing. That's encouraging, right, because I'll bet you know, every single prayer you've ever prayed probably didn't get answered that quickly.

Heather Johnson  13:02

Right? Right. Or at least not my knowledge. Yeah. And it was powerful, because it allowed me to move from that place that we get that hotel and go into the home of hope, which is a it's a Team Challenge program for women who are dealing with just hurts hang ups have habits. It's usually for drugs and alcohol. But there's plenty of women there for codependency issues. And that's what I went there for. And because of the miracle that God had done in answering that prayer, I was able to go into the home of hope and focus right away on the healing that I needed and not have to mourn this relationship any longer, or miss that guy at all. And so, yeah, it it the the benefits of him answering that prayer just continued to, to come to light as different things, you know, from going into the home of hope. And then fast forwarding to when I went home just to truly be free from all of that was amazing.

Denisha Workizer  14:08

Tell us about a little bit about your time in the home of hope. What was that? Like? What type of experience? I have a friend that works for Teen Challenge, and I am amazed at your programs and stuff. What did you experience while you were there?

Heather Johnson  14:22

Yes, so I will agree. It's an amazing program. It was the best decision I ever made. I made it because my husband asked me to do it in order to show him that I was serious about being back with my family. So I spent three months there and I was just immersed in God's presence. It was daily, but you know, they kind of make you read the Bible, which is, you know, it's a good thing, obviously. And so you're up in the morning reading the Bible and writing down. You know what the Lord is speaking to you. And then throughout the day, you're doing homework and devotions, and there's chapel twice weak and just a lot of time sitting in the Lord's presence as well as getting to the root of, for me, at least where, where, where I still had hurts and wounds from my childhood that led me to the place I was at in that moment. Because obviously, we all know that it's never just one. One thing, there's always layers there. So. So yeah. And one particular healing moment for me at the home of Hope was when I did something called us thosewho, which is a deliverance and healing ministry, that I'm grateful to now be a part of outside of that. So. Yeah, overall, it was an amazing experience. And sometimes I wish I would have stayed longer. But um, I think, you know, God knew that I was ready, and I was ready to be back with my family. So

Denisha Workizer  16:03

that's awesome. Thank you for sharing that. I think that's really encouraging. Because I know a lot of families that are looking for resources right now, to hear about your experience on the inside of Teen Challenge is beautiful. Yeah. When you came out when you came out of the home of hope, what was that like? So you came back home to your husband and your kids? And tell us a little bit about that? I can't imagine it being in just everything was perfect. All of a sudden, right?

Heather Johnson  16:31

Yeah, no, so we're still on Earth? So the answer is definitely not. Um, so yeah, I came out of the home of hope, feeling so connected to the Lord and so healed from everything that I needed to be healed in, of course, excited to be back under the same roof with my three children and my husband. Unfortunately, I quickly realized that, although I had healed from everything that had happened, my husband had definitely not. I've told I've said it this way that the the torment that I put my husband through with the affair, and the divorce was probably equally matched by the torment he put me through when I came home. And again, that was just because he he didn't have he didn't have the experience I did with getting to be in, you know, almost a bubble just immersed in God's presence all the time. And he was still taking care of kiddos. So, you know, it made sense. But shortly after I came home, I would say within the first I don't know, six months, he we found out that there was a soza ministry in Tucson, and he went in had a soso deliverance prayer for himself. And that was definitely a turning point for him. And our marriage it it put us on the road that we needed to go on to finally move forward from everything that had happened. From there, we started seeing some amazing marriage counselors who had a similar testimony to ours. And they just helped us uncover things that we had been struggling with in our marriage before, you know, things that we had never known. Even as I mentioned, you know, we had such a good marriage, and we hardly ever fought. And most people see that as a good thing. But we quickly realized in counseling that it was just a way that we were, we were basically conflict avoiders. That's one of the terms that we learned and again, with just not knowing how to process feelings, you know, there was a lot of reasons for that. But just knowing now that when we have issues, even if it causes a fight, it's better than ignoring it and trying to sweep it under the rug.

Denisha Workizer  18:49

Yeah, yeah, that's so true. It's hard to do that, though, isn't it? It's hard to face those things head on, it's easier to avoid them. But it's so much worth it to so much more worth it to dive in and tackle those things and keep that communication open. Yes.

Heather Johnson  19:04

And being on the other side of everything we went through. I mean, we realized how much more we want to we would rather argue through something and get to the bottom of it, then then ignore it and let things fester. And then again, let those any roots of you know, bitterness or you know, anything can go on.

Denisha Workizer  19:24

And so tell us about where you are today. So this was a few years back. And what steps did you guys take two to reinstate your marriage after the divorce?

Heather Johnson  19:36

Yeah, so a couple years after I came home, we had a beautiful ceremony. Just a few family and friends who truly stuck by us through this whole thing. And we just re committed ourselves to one another and to the Lord before, like I said before some family and friends and before the Lord And our kids got to be a part of that and just watch our our story of forgiveness and our conciliation. And we've we've been really open with them about everything we've gone through. So it was really a powerful moment. I'm so glad that we, you know, some people said, Do you really need to do another, another ceremony or wedding but I'm so glad that we did because it just it just solidified more healing and brought us into a deeper level of that. So now we were on a journey of just trusting the Lord and waiting on Him to show us what's next. But within the last year, he moved us to a new state. And we moved pretty much on faith. And we know for reasons that could fill in a whole nother podcast that we're in the right house, not even just the right state or town, but the actual house that we live in. So it's, it's been amazing to be on this journey with the Lord and see his provision through it all. And from here, we're just praying about new ministry opportunities and seeing what else the Lord has in store for us.

Denisha Workizer  21:17

You have such a beautiful victory yourself. Yeah, I know, I know. Having that victory for yourself, and being able to share that victory with other couples is really just that's such a gift in itself. You guys have walked the road, you guys have walked the road, you know, to divorce and getting remarried and now having a great life together. That is just such it's it's such a testimony of God's reconciliation and his power to come in and just and lead us back to the unified. Yeah, amazing. Yeah. And have you had opportunities to sort of share your story and minister to other people who have found themselves in similar situations?

Heather Johnson  22:02

i We have shared our story with couples. And I think that we've helped, you know, counsel, some situations people are going through, but not exactly the same scenario, you know, not not adultery, per se. Not yet anyways, I trust that God will use our story for for that very reason. I mean, just like the Bible says he he purposes, everything together for our good. And so I have to believe that our testimony will be somebody else's victory, for sure.

Denisha Workizer  22:34

Yeah, amen. I agree with you with that, I think, I think it's so courageous of you. And I know you have your husband's permission to share today. And I think that is such a courageous step from both of you that are on the other side of this, now you've had your marriage healed and restored, and now just using that, to show what God can do. And just hit the miracle that you experienced, you know, in the hotel room that night to restoring your family. You know, I know, I'm sure we have listeners that are hoping for that same restoration. So I know your story really brings hope to that and you have tangible steps. And that helped you to get there. So I'm excited to see what God's gonna do with your story. Are there any tips that you would have for anybody? If they're if they would like to experience that type of forgiveness? any direction that you would? You would say out of your own experience?

Heather Johnson  23:27

Yeah. I mean, I would, I would definitely point to the soza ministry that I'm a part of, I mean, that is pretty much what it is all about. I mean, first and foremost, it's, it's connecting the person to to God, so that they have that connection to hear from him. But But secondly, it's definitely those those very things that we're talking about releasing bitterness, extending forgiveness, and just healing from those wounds, like I said, that the enemy so easily just kind of plants in us without us even knowing it sometimes, usually. So yeah, so so it would be my first recommendation for that. And then counseling, of course, is always great. And but in addition to that, it's really just as simple as just, you know, saying, I released bitterness towards this person for doing, you know, fill in the blank to me, and, you know, I released them to you, God, and I asked you to, you know, heal my heart from from this wound, and it doesn't always have to be any more complicated than that. And just speaking that out is is powerful, and usually the first step that somebody needs to take in, in seeing that area healed.

Denisha Workizer  24:45

And are there any books that you would recommend if someone doesn't have a soso ministry close to them?

Heather Johnson  24:51

Yeah, so one book that had been recommended to my husband and I when we started counseling was a book called torn asunder And it's by Dave Carter. I'm sure you'll put it in the link notes. Yeah. Yeah. So that was an amazing book. It's, it takes you through everything for the spouse who had the affair to the one who, you know, was cheated on. And again, I mean, that was one of the ways we realized, you know, it has these different categories so you can figure out what kind of marriage you had prior to the affair. And again, one of that's that's kind of how we realized we were conflict avoiders. And it's doesn't sound like a big deal. But obviously, it can, it can lead to some serious things like it did for us. So I would highly recommend that book.

Denisha Workizer  25:45

Thank you. That's awesome. You know, the other thing you talked about her really caught me and I thought, wow, that is a whole nother podcast, we could spend time, just that. And as you mentioned, that feelings can be deceptive. And you were talking about, you know, when you were just kind of first, you know, online and friend requested you know that the other gentleman and as you begin to have some feelings emerge that you follow. Talk a little bit about that. What would you say to a woman right now, who's struggling with that? Possible curiosity or dabbling online? Because that's kind of can be our escape, right? As moms and wives and looking at home and all the things sometimes our phone or computer can be an escape for us? And if she's starting to be Lord, or tempted into a direction other than her husband? What What would you what would you say to her? How would you? What would you encourage her with?

Heather Johnson  26:44

Yeah, so I realize coming out on the other side of it, for me, it's easy to look back and and think about what I would say now, but um, I would say that the first thing you probably need to do is tell your husband, he may be the last person you want to open up that door to, but he's the one that needs to know. And, and fast. Because if you're feeling tempted to talk to another man, obviously, we're responsible for our own actions. But there's got to be something in in your marriage that probably needs to be worked through. So just being open with your husband, yes, it might be hurtful for him. And it might be hard, but it's certainly not going to be any harder than then going any further in that direction. If that's for some reason, not an option, I would say, revealing it to a trusted friend, who's going to give you good advice and seeking counseling, either with or without your husband as fast as possible. And again, it's just, it may be easier for me to say now, but it's just praying against those feelings, because they are strong. And I know that firsthand. But if if you could just find it within yourself to just start praying against it, despite despite how good and exciting they might feel at the beginning to just try and find it within yourself to know that they're, they're a liar. Those feelings are liars. And they may start out exciting, but they're going to end badly. They're going to walk you down a path that is anything but fun and exciting. In the end.

Denisha Workizer  28:28

That's really good advice. Thank you the weather, thank you so much for coming on and for your your bravery to share your story and just what God has done, you can also see the hand of God and your story. And from that moment, I'm just so still blown away that your prayer in that hotel room that night of God, take these feelings from me if they're not from you, and you want me to go back to my husband take them, I just I'm going to be thinking about that for a few days, like, oh, it's amazing. I know, we don't always get answers to prayer, maybe that fast. And that that really is an amazing moment where just God turned the whole thing around for you. And you didn't have to struggle through those things. Many, many people do have to struggle through letting go of that new relationship in order to go back and reconcile. And you know, that's a process and just as God was with you in in your moment in that hotel room, that God will be with them in their moment. You know, if someone's listening, who's in that process right now. So your story brings a ton of hope and encouragement, and I'm excited to see just the path that God has for you and your husband and your sleep family next. So thank you so much for sharing today, Heather. Well, we will see you back next week. Same time, same place on living the reclaimed life. Thanks for listening. I pray you found hope in today's conversation, and maybe even feel a little less alone in your story. Stay connected with us on Facebook and Instagram at reclaimed story. Want to learn more about living a reclaimed life and how you can be a part of of our growing community of Reclaimers. Check out our website at reclaim story.com. All of those links and more will be in the show notes. And if you enjoyed this inspirational podcast Be sure to subscribe rate and review. That is a huge help and helping us reach more people to live the reclaimed life. Thank you so much for listening