Joy In The Mourning ~ Ashley Hughes Ep. 42

When you experience a loss of a spouse it can be devastating both emotionally and financially.  Ashley Hughes knows what that feels like to lose her husband as a newlywed. Her passion is to care for women who have been widowed by death or abandonment by providing immediate assistance, building community around them, and offering ongoing support. Ashley shares her story and the ministry that God has given her in this episode.

Connect with Ashley at www.joyinthemourning.org
You can also find her on Facebook at Joy In The Mourning National

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Transcript

 Living the Reclaimed Life: Episode 42 Joy in the Mourning  with Ashley Hughes
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SUMMARY KEYWORDS

people, ministry, God, loss, funeral, women, life, part, morning, feel, story, comfort, community, years, months, joy, friends, beautiful, pandemic, practical ways

SPEAKERS

Ashley Hughes, Denisha Workizer

Denisha Workizer  00:00

Welcome to Living the Reclaim life Podcast. I'm Denisha We're glad you're here for conversations that revive hope, inspire healing, and encourage you to live a vibrant life with Christ. So, grab a cup of coffee as we chat with today's guest. When you experience a loss in your life, it can be devastating. And many people are alone during the grieving process. And today, I am so excited to introduce you to my friend, Ashley Hughes. And making sure that women are not alone during the grieving process is a passion of hers for the past 16 years. So, we are so excited to have you today, Ashley, and hear about these amazing things that you are doing on through joy in the morning.

Ashley Hughes  00:42

Hi, thank you so much for having me Denisha, I'm excited to get to talk to you. And yeah, share this passion. So, 16 years, for sure. Join the morning did not start overnight. It was a slow process. The Lord moved through my story, first, and it took probably about a good 15 years, 14 years to start putting all the pieces together of what he was doing, not only through my story, but through other people and families that I have been a part of their losses. Yeah, so 16 years ago, my husband was murdered. And I was young, I married my high school sweetheart, we were only married for two and a half months. And so having to face his loss, but also all the other losses that came with it during that time that my grandmother had passed away about two weeks before him. My cousin passed away and killed himself in a car accident nine months after he died. So, and then my neighbor that I helped to take care of for a little bit of time he passed away also within like that year or so. And it was it just felt like everybody around me was losing people, of course at my own loss. And there's a hard, lonely time. I was so young, I think people thought, no, you'll bounce back. He'll be okay. You're young. And just I There are so many assumptions around his death that left me in a state of a lot of isolation, loneliness for a long time. And so, when people would call me or say, hey, I know somebody that lost somebody, or is going through something, can you talk to them? I'd be like, yes, of course, because I knew I needed that so much. So, the first woman that I was able to help she lost her husband about two months after I lost mine. And that is the first woman I ended up helping and this is a weird story. And for me to even share this story now it's It feels strange, but she lived close to me. She had a little girl; she wasn't really plugged into a church, and I would just take her out to dinner or go help her with her daughter. Or at one point I ended up helping move her out of her apartment. And I was scrubbing her shower with one of those, you know those like Mr. Clean Magic or eraser things scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing, and it's like disintegrating in my hands. And finally, at the end, I'm like God, why am I here? You know, you can get to just look around like, Okay, other friends, family, nobody else is here. I'm here and pretty much perfect stranger to her helping her and God just said, well, it's because you have me. And I just realized, okay, you know, like who am I to question God. So, situation a situation that happened like that in my life. And, and there were a lot of them. Even that first year of people I didn't know that well or didn't know at all. I'm able to talk to people and just be there in practical ways. I felt so helpful for me, like it was healing for me like, Okay, I'm going through some rough stuff over here. I would come out of that little darkness and go and help and I felt so much better after being able to help and just be there. And so really join the morning now has been birthed out of this place of and I'm not saying I was completely alone all the time had nobody, but there were pockets of times, you know, just those pockets of times people think, Okay, we got through the funeral, they're fine. Or we got through the first you know, anniversary, they're okay. You know, these things that we think if I'm helping them through these situations, they're going to be fine now. But it's those in between months. You know, that's what I've

Denisha Workizer  04:30

always heard is that after I've had people say, you know, don't come in right at the beginning because that's when everybody comes in. Come in after everybody goes home, that you know that that's the time that they really need someone. Now, out of curiosity, the lady that you were magically restarting the shower, how long after you lost your husband? Were you coming alongside her?

Ashley Hughes  04:53

That was in May. So about Yes, about two months,

Denisha Workizer  04:57

two months, two months you were night 19 When you lie has been,

Ashley Hughes  05:02

yeah, I was 19. I turned 20, two weeks after he was... he had passed. So, it was just a lot. A lot within a very short period. Again, we had a trial. And I had lawyers, I mean, so there was a lot that I had to process and go through pretty much on my own. Through that for year to year and a half of just things, you think you're never going to be faced with picking a plot and a gravestone and, you know, going through medical records, going through insurance, he was really smart, he actually had to set up a lot of things that I would not have thought of, you know, and there was a life insurance plan, but because of when he applied for it, and when the first payment came out, the first name actually came out the day he died. And I had, I know I had a Lawyer Go and investigate it. But because of that policy, I guess most of them it's like 30 days, or whatever it is, and we didn't qualify. So just the fact that he even had some of the stuff in place. And that kind of felt like an investigator like trying to track down all these things. We were only married two and a half months. So, to be able to.

Denisha Workizer  06:10

And you're only 19. I mean, that was that's a lot just already having placed at 19. You know, for him.

Ashley Hughes  06:17

Yeah, he was a couple years older, but his mama taught him well. She was the one she, she really made him a man. And you got to be responsible and take care of these things. So, his insurance on his vehicles was amazing. So yeah, so there was a lot of that investigative type stuff having to deal with and so now looking back to see that God has used literally every experience and every pain and hurt to build out what the ministry has now is we are coming alongside people in practical ways and support from funeral planning, to do you need to talk to a financial advisor, can we support you in buying groceries, you know, this is three months out, we've been able to pay rent for women that had to, in emergency situations, leave their houses, pay car expenses, u haul expenses, I mean, practical things that we don't think about because the loss is compounded. It's not just one loss. It's not just lastly, your spouse or your best friend. It's an income it that connects in peace that you had for your church or for these other relationships. And so, you just think about so many levels of loss. And so, we can come alongside them in these practical ways, but also just being married, showing up. Having that you know, a hand to hold is so big during that time and the consistency of it. I know that sometimes even me and all that loss, I've been through some things. I don't know what to say. But I just know that if I'm there that the Holy Spirit can utter what he wants to say. And if not, I just give him a big hug. And I'm there. So, it's very, very practical.

Denisha Workizer  08:09

Yeah, I remember one time sitting with a friend in the hospital who was losing her husband in their 30s. And I, the pastor was in there with us. And when the wife walked out, I looked at the pastor and I said what to say, what do you say? And he looked at me and he goes, you don't have to say anything, you just show up. And I remember that was so comforting for me. Like I thought that's so profound, but we can find ourselves trying to say the right things, or what can I say to comfort but I love what you just said is that the Holy Spirit, he's just going to, you know, take care of it. And we show up to just love and be there.

Ashley Hughes  08:45

Yeah. And I found that they don't want to say necessarily anything, because sometimes those words as comforting as we think they are, or that Bible verse or that thing, we thought, oh, that really helped me. Sometimes maybe it won't. Maybe they're in so much shock that it's not, I mean, it might not get through. I know there's moments, my best friend helped me walk through that time. And she lived in Chicago, so she only flew in for the funeral and then was gone. But some of those moments, I still don't remember, she remembers, and I'm like, it didn't break through until the actual funeral happened. And so, she had to be there through all those moments. The first time I remember her physically next to me was at the funeral. But she's like I was went through all of that. And it's like, oh, wow, I don't I do not even remember, but that's what happens with trauma and with loss and these things that happen that your memories kind of shot. And so don't look at it and don't think about it of like they didn't say anything, or they didn't call me back or they might not even remember that you were there. So that's why that consistency is so important. It's like you said it's not just the fear like right if you can be a part of that. funeral time and helping them. Awesome. But it's the week after two weeks after that month, you know, literally carrying it out like the rest of our lives. And we're supposed to help each other and carry one another burdens. You know, what does that look like? It's not overnight? No, yeah, it's a long haul. And that's why God put us in community and put us to be together. So yeah, so that's where a lot of this was, was birthed out of that kind of the unfortunate, like, let's not do things with the way that happened to me, let's try to make this better for others. So, they don't have to go through that loss. And then the depression and the other things that can come with, I think, are just really triggered by so much of that other stuff not being taken care of.

Denisha Workizer  10:45

There's so much at that time to when something happens, not only are you in shock, but then there's all these things to take care of, and a service to plan and all the people that tell and there's so many pieces to that. So, I am seeing an amazing woman before me who has said yes to God who has said yes, I'm going to step into this ministry with way more experience than you should have than I would that I wish you had for, you know, walking into this, but he knew, right, there's always a purpose for our pain. Okay, how do you how do you handle this? All right, we're during this pandemic. I know, we were talking beforehand that I feel like on Facebook every time I go on and finding out somebody else who has passed away recently, and how are you handling the influx? I mean, you can't do everything on your own. So how are you? How are you? How is that going for you? How is that working out for you?

Ashley Hughes  11:38

Yeah, so I guess that is the hard thing when you put yourself out there and like, hey, I'm doing this ministry, everybody wants to call you up, right? Because it's like, oh, you're doing it. Now you do this. So there has been a little bit of pushback for me, I realized I must have my boundaries and my limits. And I, I know what those are, but also, I know where I can help. And maybe if I'm not helping, I can help somebody else who is next to the person walking through it with them. And really, that is the best part and part of our mission. And what we want to be able to do is commission others to help during times agreement and not be scared and not be like, well, exactly what we're talking about, right? I don't know what to do, or I don't know what to say. So, I'm just not going to do anything, right. We're like, paralyzed and we're frozen in this fear of maybe messing up that we just don't do anything. And so, I like kind of comparing it to the Good Samaritan, right? The story of the Good Samaritan, like the guy is broken, battered, he's just on the side of the road, everybody's passing by whatever their judgment or maybe you know, maybe some of his judgment, maybe someone's like, oh, what can I really do to help? I don't know, you know, if I get involved when those people that robbed him come and robbed me, you know, all these things we can put with these situations. But what the Good Samaritan do, he got them up, he got him to the hotel, right? So, the place where he can stay, he paid for food, he did what he could do, he still had to go and do other business. But he told the innkeeper, right, the hotel guy, when I come back, if you need more money, I'm going to pay it at that time, right? So, there's even levels and ways that we think of, okay, we can help with these funeral costs, right? We can help give them some food and some shelter and be there for them. But the guy wasn't sitting there asking the Good Samaritan, Are you a nurse? Are you a trained EMT? Like what are your qualifications to help me like he doesn't care? He just cares that you're there, and you're helping them right. And so, I like comparing it to that. And so right now, that has been a big encouragement for me as to when people call me and when people say I need help, or this happens. Okay, well, what can you do? Can I help walk you through this with them? Because if I take it all on, like, yeah, there's no way I'm going to be able to do that. Yeah. And then having faced myself some of like, the most loss this year again, which it's weird how sometimes I think those happen and like waves that feels like, not first year, I lost my husband, that was the most loss I've ever experienced my life. And then there were some, you know, tripled throughout the last 16 years, but then this year to be like, hit again, it felt like a lot of personal losses for my husband, and I am remarried. And we have three beautiful children. And so that's been a wonderful redemption part of my story. But what I see in all of that is I must keep my faith grounded in God, I must know that no matter what happens, he is a good father. And know that the purpose and the plans he has for us are still good, and that he still has a future and even though we can see suffering and be a part of suffering and brokenness and walk alongside of these families where it's hard in it, and it hurts. We still have the hope of heaven. But even sometimes that hope it feels like it's shaky, right? Because we can look at the situation, but like, how are you going to make this good, right? But I feel like God has been so comforting and that for me leading this ministry that he's given me, so much strength in those times, and even like dreams of people in heaven, and I, and I just feel like it's such a beautiful comfort that I didn't expect to come. And so just knowing that we serve God that has prepared place for us, he prepared that place for our friends and family. And I want to do everything possible to make sure my friends and family are there. And the friends and family that I that I serve, like, I want to make sure that they know even if they're whoever they lost, wasn't a believer like, well, where are you at? In this faith journey? Where are you at with your relationship with the Lord because they can be different. So that's a lot. I think, where it comes from, it's not me, like it's God and His goodness, taking care of me during this time, so I can help others. But I do. I do have my moments of mourning. But I think that's where the name is so powerful. And I'm so blessed. He gave me that name of joy in the morning, that we can still carry him and his strength during that time, we can still have joy, and mourning, how I look at its morning as a season. Like it's not a life sentence, right? It's not, it's not like this thing, we're going to carry the rest of our lives because God says that He can come, he can heal the brokenhearted like there's so many comforting verses even within that knowing that I don't have to carry this forever. And so, if I'm mourn, if I surrender, and that time of loss, if I'm saying and being honest, like we were kind of talking about before, like this is hard. I don't want to do this sometimes. But then recognize the blessing that comes in it. And I am so humbled and glad that he's allowed me to witness these parts of people's lives where you see those reclaimed stories, right? You see these, this hope restored, you see people that maybe if we weren't there, where would they be? You know, because somebody wasn't there to represent Christ to them in that moment, you know, like the Good Samaritan, if he didn't come by? Where would that guy be? Right? So, we must think about it not in sense of like us and what we're going through, but what can we give? How can we help these other families and by that we are blessed? Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted, you know, and so we get to comfort them, we're going to be comforted by others. Like, it's really this beautiful picture of what God set up and community and, in the church, if we just let him do it. So that's a very long answer to that question. But I just I want to see God, do it and be open and surrendered and not run away from those hard times, embrace them and...

Denisha Workizer  17:54

You're running in, it's kind of like a first responder, you're running into the fire instead of running away, I think there's so much hope in what you're saying to provide to these families is that there's a hope just to have that one consistent person, not everybody has, you know, a family member who will fly in and stay with you, or just that, that hope of knowing, hey, you're not going anywhere, you're a resource that I can call who understands what I'm going through. And then when you mentioned commissioning other people, that is a huge passion of mine. And I just think the multiplication like fast forward five years, and it's going to be so exciting to see what God is doing. Enjoy in the morning, because and, by the way, for those who are listening, if you haven't looked at the show notes, it's m o u r n. Ing. So, it's morning as if you know, God comforts those who mourn. So, joy in the morning, and it's just a beautiful picture of people who have been there like you that God is raising them up to them be there for someone else, you know, we have we looked at, we did a lot of research on what it looks like to belong to community. And one of the things was connection, right? Or community, right. So first, you come together and community, but we know that we can be in a crowded room and still be alone. Yeah, so the next thing is that connection. And then after connection comes contribution, and I just see and then that equals belonging. So, all the research that we've done, it's community to connection, that deeper sense, you know, a relationship contribution, and that is belonging. And that's what I see in your ministry. That contribution part is a part of us being commissioned people who have been there to be commissioned to then go out and help others. And that is just such a beautiful picture of the kingdom. I just had so encouraging to know that like you're raising up an army five years from now, if we can see what God has in store for the future, and you start in 2019 is that correct?

Ashley Hughes  19:53

Uh, no, I applied for my status at the beginning of 2020. So yeah, it was pre pandemic. I didn't know the pandemic was coming. The dream was given to me and 2017 that I was pregnant with my third child. And so, I think God had to take me through that process. And, you know, you got to get through like the, like nursing stage and diaper stage and, you know, so for it to finally come to the fullness of it was it was like, okay, got finished. third child, he's, he's a little more independent. I was feeling confident, like, Okay, I have those people behind me, you know, I have some board members establish and people like, Yep, I think this time this time, it was like, Okay, I guess this is time, you know. So, I applied at the beginning of 2020. So, I had no idea pandemic is coming. 

Denisha Workizer  20:46

Friend, this ministry is needed more than ever right now.

Ashley Hughes  20:50

Thank you. Yeah, I would have never imagined that pandemic Wycombe. And when you're setting up a ministry like this, you're not like, Oh, happy joy. Like, I'm going to get to plan some of my best friend's funerals. Like you're not thinking this is what you're signing up for. I think, oh, this is community ministry. Strangers, it's so much easier to walk strangers through this kind of stuff. And I have planned funerals for strangers before. Because yes, it's hard. But it's not as hard as the first one that I was able to help plan was in July of 2020. And it was a very close friend of ours. He was a pastor. He was just so well loved and known in this community. And I just remember thinking, this is not why I said, History. Yes, deep down, you do. But you know, you are kind of like, well, it's easier to do strangers funeral than some of my closest friends or people that we know and have loved and respected for years. And so, so having those personal funerals as a ministry, we've helped plan.

Denisha Workizer  21:58

Over the last year, just the last year and a half. Wow.

Ashley Hughes  22:02

Just the last year and a half and just looking back and be like, but I'm so glad we weren't there. And though we were able to do it, you know, again, it's just you look back, and when you pray those prayers, you're like, like Isaiah, like, who will go Lord, send me okay. Yeah, but we don't have like a list of, like, can you send me to Hawaii? Can you send me doing this fun stuff, right? Like we, we think maybe there's been a weird picture painted for us in Christianity of what ministry really looks like. But then to really know those moments of God and God intervening, and God, just showing up and knowing, okay, therefore this is why I'm here. And that was a that is a weird thing. I think people might look at me think, oh, she's always sad, or she's always playing funerals are so sad. Like, I can't express to you the amount of joy I have, when I'm at a memorial, when I can see God working. Amen. You know, but that's the thing, you start looking for it and you can start seeing it, and you can start knowing like, this isn't the end. So, it's not a downer for me. You know, there's, there's the moments, of course, I'm going to cry. But yeah, in 2020, to see the amount of loss, I started writing a list down, I felt horrible that I forgot some people that had died. You know, I just I just remember being even, like, friends of friends of ours, that was like their parents and, and then it just didn't dawn on me, because I saw my friend here that like, oh, yeah, your dad just died. Sorry, I haven't checked in on that, you know, those types of things. Like I had to start writing down a list. Just be like, I'm sorry, I forgot. Like, there's just been a lot of loss. And I think we're all kind of get compassion fatigue. And like, is there not as our I don't know, if we were talking about this before we started, but just like not even wanting to check Facebook, or we just knew these hits keep coming. So, what we do in not, it's just again, we must surrender it to God, and do what we can do. And then God's going to do what he can do. But if we don't keep moving, right, we're just paralyzed. And we just sit there, and we don't offer the gifts and talents that he has given us. Right, then those can never be multiplied. And so, I think that that's what you were saying before, right? When you when you're able to give into that community given to the morning community, you see those things be multiplied. And so, it's like, the hope is multiplied. The joy is multiplied the blessings like we just see, God can outwork it. And so yeah, that's not I'm just trying to do now just not be stagnant, not stay stuck, when it gets hard to keep moving and keep asking like where do you want us because part of me wants to sometimes say no, like, I can't do another one. You know, there was just one last week I think it was In August, we had a memorial, maybe that we weren't part of like planning. But we had a memorial every weekend. And I just wow, I just remember thinking, I can’t go to any more memorials like I need a little break. Think, you know, just as hearts of, again, knowing the limits, knowing Okay, well, maybe if I didn't make this memorial, but I know I'm going to be able to be there for the family or the friends of the family to help walk them through. And knowing it's okay, that God's got this thing. This is his ministry, this is history. It's all dependent on me or my husband and what we're doing or not doing, but we do want to be faithful and obedient. So yeah, that's kind of been 2020 on a wrap. Yeah, right. A lot of stuff.

Denisha Workizer  25:49

And it's already almost Thanksgiving at the time of this recording, which is crazy, that are almost at the end of 2021. So, I just, I'm so thankful for your ministry, and just to have a resource for people who wouldn't you do you feel like what, what do I do next, and you get to meet them in that place. The passage that was coming to my mind, as you were talking was, I forget where it is. But it said, we will see the goodness of the Lord and the Lord in the land of the living. Yeah. And I thought, yeah, that's what you get to help people see, I'm assuming you get to help people see the goodness of the Lord, now, even in the midst of their grief in the midst of their mourning and loss that you get to help them to see that and you get to watch God moving in the midst of that, and that, that that helps get you out of bed in the morning.

Ashley Hughes  26:37

Yes, well, and it's almost, I mean, like I said, it is humbling, but it's almost addicting. I don't know, for lack of a better word, because it's just so powerful. Yeah, to see. So, we just had, so our official launch was last August, it because of COVID. It took all this time to get paperwork from IRS and all that to set up our official 501 C three, but so August, I would say was kind of like our official launch. We had done the memorial like July was the beginning of August. And then we had started our community groups. So, the community is basically women that have been widowed, and we include in that sisterhood, women that their husbands abandon them. So, we also call them women that are widowed, and we don't say they're widows, because their identity is not in that. So, it's something that happened to them. It's not who they are. And so that's a big part of that awareness is what I like to bring to people as women that are widowed, and that could be through death or do it through abandonment. And so, we have about half and half of our community group that they have different stories, right? Again, it's not who they are. It's what happened to them. And so, we started our first Community Group was in October. So, I remember just thinking, Okay, we just got to get the first thing that we all do. And we're all together. And I remember women coming and kind of be like, Okay, this is okay, like, I'm glad there's a place to go now, it took a whole year to finally get it to the place where I wanted it, which was our retreat. And so, during the retreat was a woman about a half and half of different stories. And women who showed up crying, like literally just crying like they finally made it they finally were able to show up, they were able to get there. And those same women laughed like bubbling with laughter. I tell you, what, if I could do a retreat every weekend, and I had the finances and the faith and, you know, all the gumption to do it, I would do it because it's so addicting to see, like, see lives change. See people show up on Friday and leave Sunday. Completely different. It was just so beautiful to watch and a witness. And I was just thinking God, and there's a woman, Monica, she's a part of the ministry now. And she helps do all this. And we would just keep looking at each other. And I'm sure you've had these months, you just looked at each other and you're just like, I want to just sit and ball because I'm so happy. But at the same time, like we got to keep going like we're we got stuff to do. But that was that was the beautiful part was it wasn't me or Monica and what we did at the retreat, it was giving them this space to hear from the Lord. Yes. And giving them the permission to rest and giving them that community and fun of the fellowship of eating meals together like stuff that's so simple. And it's so biblical, but it's like we forget that in our like haste of everything we're doing, or we need to do or our schedule, you know, and I think that's something 2020 also taught us and I wish her would go back at times, but it just felt like everything slowed down. Yeah. And we focus and we were concerned about what was real and what was, you know, needed and so, recognizing like that, that is a good thing that we slowdown that we rest and then we focused on people.

Denisha Workizer  30:02

And then it seemed to speed up so fast that I think it has to you have to intentionally slow it back down. It just seemed to slow like you said, it went from focused on people to now it feels like there's just busy work like everybody's just busy, busy, busy. And so yeah, being intentional with that slowness, I love that you had the opportunity to have a retreat and, and just get away with the ladies and provide that holding that space for them just had to be a beautiful thing to experience.

Ashley Hughes  30:31

Yeah, it was, it was so beautiful and healing to know, there was a part that we were just worshiping and just remembering those days of me like worshiping alone in my apartment and being so broken, and just so like then worship in a room full of women that have had similar stories of loneliness, and isolation and brokenness, and then to be together, which was so powerful. I've just like, thanking God, like, thank you that you took this mess that I had no idea. I know, I never thought going through it, like, oh, this is going to be a ministry someday. And this is going to help people and you know, like, I, but God, yes. And so, I'm just, it's humbling. And I just, I want I'm sure, like how you feel during ministry, you just want every study to be a part because you're like, you can be a part and I think we can get, you know, especially I think I just saw a meme recently. But I was like only America the day after Thanksgiving, that we're grateful for everything. Do we trample everybody? You know, the Black Friday sales, right? It's like, in America. Yeah. And it's like, there is dissatisfaction in American culture and in the Christian culture, because we're, we might say, over here, we're thankful for something or thankful for what we have. But we’re not. And we're like chasing this other stuff, right. And so, when I look at ministry, and I want to look at our Christian faith, like the only way that you're going to be satisfied in your relationship with the Lord, is if you're obedient to what he says, and we just really need to open our word and see, but that's where it's like, when people are like, oh, you know, we can complain a lot. I complain a lot, too. You know, we want to complain about all these things. When we get back to the basics, we're thankful we serve others, you know, we love as Christ love, like, you will find the most satisfaction in life, doing those things and, and almost feel selfish. I'm just like, Come on, everybody. Like, let's do this together, because you'll have so much fun. 

Denisha Workizer  32:33

But we have a saying that if you've been walking with the Lord for two weeks, you can reach to someone who's been walking for a week. If you've been walking for 40 years, you can reach to someone who's been walking for 39. Like just that, that culture of mentoring coming alongside one another and doing real life together is just a gift. That is really a gift. So, I have a question for you. I know there's probably women listening who have experienced a loss possibly of their husband or you know, even another family member at this time. I would love to hear your heart. What would you say to someone who's listening who has experienced in the last year a loss as you've described? Share with us your heart with them.

Ashley Hughes  33:13

Yeah, so I always go back to my favorite verse. One of my favorites is in Bible as Jeremiah 29:11. For God knows the hopes and plans he has for us. He does not intend to harm us. I really claims to that verse, I still cling to that verse of the night, God is going to use your story. He's going to use them us, but cling to him because they're so good. And there is still a future. And so, I think we can look at our lives. And we can look at even now like I'm remarried. And I love my husband and I have children. And it's been a beautiful life. And we can get really caught up in this life that we have. But the thing is, God didn't just make us for people like he made us for him. And so, we look out like our feature wasn't in that person. And that's what was hard for me was like I was a newlywed. Amen. What is our future, my future is just going to be bleak now because everything was supposed to be with him? So instead, looking at our future and our future with Christ, and how beautiful that can be and how amazing that can be. And I know there's things that we want to write, but nothing compares when we have that relationship with God. And so, it took me a long time. And in that process of wrestling, especially that first year and a half after he died of wrestling of was God still good, and was the wife, you know, what is my life going to be now and all these things I'm sure they've wrestled with so many times, it's just to continue to surrender it. Speak those verses over yourself. Live in them, know that he's real and that He loves you and he wants to comfort you. And I have my belief is that even though God knows everything That will happen that he didn't he wasn't over there like, ha-ha, like, we're going to plan. You know, I believe he knows. And he knows so that he can comfort us. And so just allowing God to cover you during this time but seek him really seek him out because he wants to be there. He wants to be the one to give you that new life and yeah, just rest in him because I know, I know that is a frantic time trying to figure out what's next. And it's hard, but I would just claim to him during it.

Denisha Workizer  35:36

Thank you. Thank you. That's such a good point. Yeah. And Ashley, how can we find you enjoy in the morning, we may have people listening who are thinking I would love to help support her ministry. And we may have people listening who think I need her ministry. So how can we find you friends?

Ashley Hughes  35:54

Yeah, so um, our website is joining the morning.org. And like you said, m-o-u-r-n-ing, we do have a contact us page on there. So, if you want to contact us on there, you can also we are on Facebook, but we are joined the morning national on Facebook. It's kind of a cool God story. But basically, the more the name got joined the morning was given to me by a woman named Linda and she still has her Facebook Open with joy in the morning, she ran a center in South Carolina. And that joined the morning Center helped 1000s of people through the years she did free counseling. And she's just an amazing woman of God. But she retired and she's older now. And so, the center wasn't open, and the name wasn't being used besides her Facebook. It's a cool God story. But yeah, we're friends now. And she, through our friendship. She just I never asked for it. She gave me the name. Of course, that's originally why I reached out because I was like, hey, you have the name that I believe God gave me. So, for God to just be like, Yep, here it is. And another big sign like, yes, I want you to do this ministry. So, you can follow her pace. She's amazing. Linda, she has joined the morning on Facebook. And then mine is joined the morning national.

Denisha Workizer  37:14

So okay, so I must ask, are there plans to go national and expand beyond Tucson, Arizona?

Ashley Hughes  37:20

Yes ma'am. So, within the like the first two months of the ministry being out there, we were able to start helping people in other areas of the country. So, we have we have already, like the ones to interest tell you about what we had, we paid rent for a family, they had like an emergency move. They were in Kansas, we've helped women, California, other places of Arizona. So, it's kind of like I honestly how I was in the last 15 years before starting the ministry at my favorite thing, what to do was like, do all these little things and like secret and like nobody know, like, I don't want to tell people about this, you know, I was just my like, like, love relationship with God, like I'm doing this for you. It doesn't matter. Who knows? And so, when I started this ministry, it's like, you need to start telling people, and I was like, no, I did this for you. Like, I don't want to tell people, that part of me kind of feels like that, too, like leaving this ministry. Like, I don't want to tell everybody everything we're doing for everybody. But it's not me doing it. And that's the amazing part. Like when you have supporters, when you have donors, when you have people, they're a part they are a part of the ministry, like that rent would not be paid without them giving, you know, yeah. So, and then. And then the thing to have, like people that are running them in Michigan that are a part and it's like, they're passionate about this, okay, they have groceries that they need, they have bills, you know, all these things, like we're all a part of this, but we're also all giving into it in other ways. And so, so yeah, when people give, they're not only part of the ministry, but they’re also part of supporting those that are supporting those people in those different ways. And it's beautiful to see, like, our support team has really grown over this last year, and just to be able to pray for them during their times of they're going through loss, or, you know, just some amazing things I've seen through that piece. So, when you're giving, it's not like, hey, I'm giving to these millionaires out there so they can maybe help people this much like know, the gifts come in, like are helping people a ton of ways. I just think it's God. So, God that He gave me this, but it's just like for women to come and have a free retreat. Like that's just unheard of. Yeah, most Yes, most widows’ retreats, or whatever they call them around the country. I mean, they are expensive, and that's just not even something you would consider going to if you didn't have maybe some big life insurance policy or something that came through that you have that money, but that's the thing. It's like that's for your life and that's for your livelihood, the rest of your Life You shouldn't be spending all this money now to go on retreat. So being able to bless women you know in those times and be like that yours this is this is for us to bless you and not get from you and I think those are those are just those lessons I learned early on people thought oh surely she gets a lot of life insurance, surely will get a lot of money like and that was not the case you know, and so being able to just help people and be there is what those gifts do. Sorry I talk a lot.

Denisha Workizer  40:32

That is awesome. I love hearing about it. I love the retreat is free to the ladies that is I don't wasn't free to the ministry. But I love that right to the ladies. And that is so beautiful. Be sure to follow Ashley's ministry joy in the morning national and check out her website. I love your website. I was just on there last night again. I was like, oh, you've done new things. Do it. Joy in the morning.org and Ashley, thank you so much. Thank you for all you're doing to just to serve people and love people where they are. Thank you.

Ashley Hughes  41:05

Thank you. I love it.

Denisha Workizer  41:07

Thanks for listening. I pray you found hope in today's conversation, and maybe even feel a little less alone in your story. Stay connected with us on Facebook and Instagram at reclaimed story. Want to learn more about living a reclaimed life and how you can be a part of our growing community of Reclaimers check out our website at reclaim story.com all those links and more will be in the show notes. And if you enjoyed this inspirational podcast, be sure to subscribe rate and review. That is a huge help and helping us reach more people to live the reclaimed life. Thank you so much for listening