Placed With A Purpose In Vegas ~ Patty Lynn Wyatt Chats With Denisha Ep. 37

In this episode, I am sharing part of my story, that I don’t often share as I was invited to join Patty Lynn Wyatt on her Podcast, “Girlfriendit.”  I am a recovering emotional stuffer. In my past, I have stuffed hard emotions behind closed doors. That didn't help the pain, in fact, it just housed bitterness and anger in the dark.  

What you are going to hear today is what finally helped me. When God began to knock on that door… the one I wanted no one to know about, the one that I wanted to forget about. It was him who brought safety, healing and wholeness to those places of harm in my heart. If God can do it for me, He can do it for you. 

Be sure to check out Patty Lynn Wyatt's podcast, GirlfriendIt/The It Podcast on Apple HERE 

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Transcript

EP 37 Placed With A Purpose In Vegas

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

reclaim, mom, reclaimed, hear, story, thought, years, god, felt, life, place, remember, pastor, talking, super, patti, car, podcast, big, happened

SPEAKERS

Patty Wyatt, Denisha Workizer

Denisha Workizer  00:00

Welcome to living the reclaim life podcast. I'm Denisha, we're glad you're here for conversations that revive hope, inspire healing and encourage you to live a vibrant life with Christ. So grab a cup of coffee, as we chat with today's guest are their memories from your past that you keep locked away. I have those places in my heart, or over the years, I have shoved hard memories into those spaces, and locked it down with what I imagine is a door with 10 dead bolts on it, so it could never be opened again. But you know what, that didn't help me. What you're going to hear today is what finally helped me. And that was when God began to knock on that door. The one I wanted no one to know about the one that I wanted to forget about. It was him who brought safety, healing and wholeness to those places of harm in my heart. And on today's episode, I am sharing part of my story that I don't often share, as I was invited to join Patty Lynn Wyatt on her podcast, girlfriend it. And before being on Patti show, I binge listened to it, and it is awesome. So I encourage you to check out girlfriend it on Apple podcasts, and subscribe and enjoy her show. It is great. So let's kick off today's episode with Patti placed with a purpose. 

Patty Wyatt  01:25

This is Patty Lynn Wyatt and I will be your host today. And this is such an exciting show for me personally, because for those of you listeners, you hear me talking about my brother, and he is my person. And what's so fun about today is that this is one of my brother's besties Denisha Workizer and she is the president and founder of Reclaimed Story, helping women reclaim their story after a painful past. And she's also the weekly podcast host of living the reclaimed life. So I would strongly suggest running and subscribing to that podcast. But I also want to talk about that this just like a quick disclaimer, what we're going into if you're in the car with kids or have children around, we are going to be discussing just a more mature and very sensitive topic today. So a little little warning on that one. And with all of that said, I just want to say welcome Denisha, how are you? 

Denisha Workizer  02:29

Oh, Patti, I'm so good. Thank you so much for having me on. I love your brother. And he talks so highly of you. And so I'm super excited to be here with you today. 

Patty Wyatt  02:39

He doesn't have a choice Denisha he has to talk highly of me. Even though he's my older brother, I would definitely beat him up. That's just the way we roll. So it is actually interesting that I say that because just the other day, I was having a conversation with some others that had you know, I'm the baby of six. And they were talking about growing up that they would literally pound each other with fist and beat each other up. And I don't I didn't grow up that way. Like we never physically fought. And I don't really ever really I don't remember arguing and maybe my my mom, if she was around, she would have a different story with that. But did you have like physical fighting in your household? 

Denisha Workizer  03:27

No, um, you know, I think between our 18 year old and 15 year old now when they were younger, they were two and a half years apart, they would get physical, and they would definitely get physical with each other. And sometimes my daughter would just I would have to stop my daughter from pounding on my son.

Patty Wyatt  03:46

Okay, that's funny. Well, you worked 20 years in corporate management before being an ordained pastor. And then you served as a pastor for 10 years just following your calling. So what I'd love to hear today is just your story. What led you from 20 years in the corporate world who all of a sudden you became a pastor?

Denisha Workizer  04:18

Yes, so gosh, okay, so we're gonna dial back here to those times I worked in jewelry, I worked for Kay Jewelers for for like over 10 years and then started our my own jewelry company with a girlfriend of mine. And that is still going 18 years later and after Yeah, she's still I'm so proud of her. And the so our daughter was born and I just really felt the Lord calling me to step out of the business. And so it was my best friend right we both had our like a second mortgage on our house to fund and then you know jewelry business and because to get a tiny little pad of rings, it's not a couple $100 so we hear we both have seconds on her house and we're just, you know, growing this business, and I felt like the Lord was saying, It's time I'm going to take you out. And so she I didn't say anything to her. I was terrified to tell her, Hey, you know, this thing we started, I kind of went out. And one night, she said, a Denisha, I want to take you to dinner and our daughter had just been born. And so she took me to dinner. And she says, I want you know, the business. And I said, Oh, I want the business too. And she's like, no, I feel like God's telling me that I need to release you. And I was like, What? So? Isn't that cool? How God did that? Yeah. So we ended up we I worked for her for a couple of years, and she kind of bought me out. And then she's still running, running it. And it's been a long time now. And I took a part time job at our church at that time. And next thing I knew, and you know, years later, they wanted to they were talking about ordaining me and making me a pastor. And so that's sort of how I fell into ministry, only God. And during that time, I had found out some family members that I didn't know on my dad's side that I came from nine generations of pastors. And I didn't know that until I was having like, I am I qualified to do this. And then I God brought my uncle into my life and told me, do you realize you're from nine generations of pastors? I was like, I wasn't raised in a Christian home. So I was like, wait, we're What? Like, that was totally shocking to me. So that's how I landed in ministry. 

Patty Wyatt  06:27

Wow. Okay, so let's back up you, you weren't raised in a Christian home. And I know you have this crazy, crazy story. I'm going to dive in there, we're going from working at the jewelry shop to, I'm just going to ask you like what would be your deepest, darkest tragedy that has happened to you, especially since you weren't raised in a Christian home? 

Denisha Workizer  06:53

I would say that for sure. The death of my mom, my mom passed away when I was 23. And that was definitely the most tragic thing I had ever been through my mom and I were super close to spite what you're about to hear in my story. We were super close. And that was that was very, very devastating for me. She passed away at 59. And I had just come to the Lord in 98 1988. And she passed away in 2001. So I was a baby Christian, and just learning how to lean on God. And I was pretty mad at him to be really honest. Like when she passed away, I thought, God, I believe you can do anything. I was telling people about Jesus and target you know, when you first come to the Lord, it's like there's this just fresh, like, everybody needs to know him. Right? And I pray that I can you know, that breeze revived years, years or years later, but um, yeah, so I think that was the hardest thing as I didn't understand why she passed away. And it's such a young age, that was definitely the most tragic thing. Yeah. Well, you said, Okay, we're super close, but yet, it's gonna be weird. When you hear of what she did. So what were some of the things that took place that were the stepping stones into this? I don't know, duel feeling here of the relationship with your mom. Yeah, so when I was eight years old, this man came into our life who was a family friend, and my mom trusted him wholeheartedly. Remember, I didn't grow up in a Christian home so he was a psychic. And my mom was pretty big in business pretty high powered woman and so she desired power. And that was a counterfeit power if I'm honest, and and so she began to seek his expertise as a psychic she began to and pretty much whatever he said would happen and so and they would just totally totally trust him when I was 16. My mom somewhat turned me over to him and it was to be trained up as an apprentice to him as a psychic metaphysic and it was super intense. Later on, I found out that my mom did she didn't know kind of what was going on he was 55 and so like I have a 15 year old and I cannot imagine saying you know I'm going to trust this you know, my daughter with you know, 55 year old man to go on different trips and so we would go on different trips together and the first trip was in Las Vegas and that he took me to and I was 16 and I my mom didn't know at this point that there was going to be abuse or anything but just seems like a natural you just don't do that. You know? But my mom sent me with him and I remember you know, we went into he smoked a pipe and so there was like a constant pipe smell that to this day, if I happen to pass somebody smoking a pipe, like I'm a little triggered, right? Like all my emotions getting. But I remember we went to Las Vegas and we stayed in this hotel that was way off the strip, like it was kind of in the middle of nowhere, but not maybe like 20-25 minutes away..

Patty Wyatt  10:01

And you're 15, with a 55 year old man...

Denisha Workizer  10:04

16. Yeah. 

Patty Wyatt  10:07

Okay, you're 16 and why? What was the purpose of him bringing you there? 

Denisha Workizer  10:13

So he was training me. He was kind of pulling me away from home to spend time with me to train me in metaphysics essentially. And I remember walking, you know, 16 years old and a casino. I remember walking through the casino, we went up to the room, and I don't know what I thought, because I trusted him, you know, essentially now as an adult, I know he's been grooming me and my mom since I was eight, right? And but we I remember opening the door to the hotel room and seeing one bed. And just thinking, whoa, at that point, I knew I was in trouble. You know, I knew that. Okay, wait, what's happening? You know, I'm 16. I'm in another state. I can't I don't even think I had my license at that time. Or if I did, I wasn't going to drive his car like I had no, I had no way to rescue myself. Yeah. And I remember I said, Oh, where's the other bed, he's like, oh, we'll just sleep in that one. And I remember thinking I am in trouble. Like, probably after we unpacked and stuff, I remember looking out the window and seeing this like triangular parking lot. And just staring at it and longing to like be out of that room to be like, in in the parking lot in a car going somewhere else than where I was right there. And it was Yeah, that was, I think, a pretty heavy moment for me to realize that I wasn't safe. I wasn't safe with this family friend at all. And his intentions for that weekend weren't good. For three years, from 16 to 19, we went on different trips together, Arizona, different parts of California, Nevada. And every few months or so I would go on a trip with him. And I remember the second trip that I went on with him, I remember I kind of stood on the car, like on the side of the car and looked over the car at him. And I said you because it was it was physical, it was sexual. It was emotional and spiritual abuse, and so many different levels, right? And I remember I stood on the side of the car, and I yelled over the car, we'd pack the bags and everything. And it was just like an expectation. I don't know why looking back. I'm like, I would never, you know, gotten in the car the first time. But I was a kid and I did trust and then I thought well, maybe this that was only one time that he was gonna, you know, do that. And so Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna trust. I remember standing on the side of the car, and I said, I want you to hear me. None of that is going to happen again. Do you understand me? And he looked at me, he's like, just get in. And I just passively got in. I don't like I look back now. And I'm thinking, I didn't tell my mom. For three years. I didn't tell my mom. And I mean, I think when you're 16, I think at any age, that type of power, that type of control that I saw him activating, you know, working living in is appealing, it seems enticing. And now obviously, as a Christian, as a believer, as a follower of Jesus, I realized that's the counterfeit, you know, that that's not the type of power and control that we want like that. We want to stay away from those things. Um, but yeah, it was very enticing to me at 16. So there was so many different things pulling at me to tolerate what was happening.

Patty Wyatt  13:32

So I do have to go back then at 16. So that first night you were staring out at the parking lot. So there's a part of you that's like, Okay, I have to get out of this situation. But then you go back to there's a strong hole, there's this power. So so there was this. Okay, wow, here's this man that thinks I'm pretty cool, and is trying to train me up. And he has all this knowledge and wisdom. So were you in a place of, I just have to give it over to him? Or were you in a place of some of this might be exciting and intriguing?

Denisha Workizer  14:14

 Yes. I mean, unfortunately, but yes, it was exciting and intriguing. The, like I said, power and control. That's really what it boiled down to, you know, we would walk on this, we would go on the street, and he would walk up to someone and tell them you know, I remember I remember one particular woman he walked up to and he took something out of his wallet, wrote down an address and walked over to her and said, Your son is at this address. And the woman came unhinged because her son had ran away. And he knew where her son was. And so moments like that, you build this like, okay, I can trust him. But yeah, this is happening but yet, and I didn't understand the emotional abuse. He would also tell me things like, I know your mom, I understand what you're going through at home. And there was a lot of manipulation going on there because I felt like nobody understood. But he seemed to understand. So there was like a history there. And it was fascinating to watch him walk up to people and kind of read their mail. I mean, it was that was fascinating. And it was also a fear tactic, too, right? So I'm 19 years old, and I get a phone call. And he said, if you don't go on a trip with me for six months, I was pulling away, I was trying really hard to pull away from 18 to 19. And he said, if you don't go on a trip with me for six months, you're gonna be dead in six months. And I'm 19 years old, right? And I'm thinking everything this man says happens happens. But I'd had just enough like, gumption in that moment. And I remember I was one of those corded phones, and I'm sitting on my bed, you know, it's attached to the wall. And I said, I would rather be dead than go anywhere with you ever again. And I hung up the phone. And one of the things that I thought for so long was, if my mom knew what he was doing, she would kill him like she would, you know, put him in jail, he would be you know, he would go away forever. Like, there's no way my mom would have tolerated this. And so at 19, I went in and told my mom everything. And she, to be honest, she just kind of seemed kind of dazed, kind of like I just over I really believe it was a spiritual thing in the moment. And it was like, she wasn't hearing me. Yeah, she went and got a family Bible, which we were not faith based, like we did not, we didn't go to church rarely, I mean, with other people, mostly. And if we did, and she went and got this big, dusty Bible and handed it to me, and said, You should go pray about if you're going to go with him or not. And I thought, what is happening now all of my safety kind of crashed that night. And I mean, those three years were so hard, and I look back, like I have all my journals. I'm a total journaler. So I love to write down what I'm feeling, thinking experiencing. And I went back into my journals, and I never talked about anything, it was almost like I had disassociated with that world that he was taking me into, and my normal teenage life. So it was it was very interesting, but that at that moment, when my mom didn't respond the way for three years, I'd held the safe place that she would call the police, and he'd go to jail, you know. And when she didn't respond that way, my first thought was, I have to go, I gotta get out of here. And so I did, I worked everything financially to be able to move out and I moved out within six or nine months after that.

Patty Wyatt  17:40

Okay, I'm hearing your story. And I'm thinking, Okay, this, the title of this episode was placed with a purpose. And I didn't know this part of your story. And so we just went on this whole path of you sharing this, you know, what, three years of your life? But how does this go into placed with a purpose? Because I would be angry at God. And you said that, that, you know, there are times when you felt anger there.  And yet, you know, you're super close with your mom, during all of this. So, what unpack some of this? Like, why, why is this this purpose in your life? 

Denisha Workizer  18:30

So all of that happened, right? When I was young. Now fast forward to 2017. Okay. I'm like 41 at the time. And we I was in Las Vegas for a women's leadership retreat, you know, as on staff at our church as a pastor. And we go back to Las Vegas, I've been to Vegas a bunch of times, you know, normally we were on the strip, we always went to this women's conference. Well, this time, there were 19 of us from our church. So we decided to rent an Airbnb. And it was about you know, 20 to 25 minutes off of the strip. And the first day we're driving to the conference, and I wasn't driving, I was sitting in the backseat, and I look over and we drive right by the hotel with Google parking lot. And in that very moment, I sitting in the backseat of that car, I I could almost smell his pipe. I mean, and I just had these flashbacks of like standing at that window, looking out going, I just want to be out there. And now you know, fast forward, you know, all these years later, and I'm out there this time. You know, I'm a grown adult, I'm free. I'm away from him. You know, everything that was that time in my life. But I was taken right back. I mean, I was 16 opened that door and realize there was one I mean, it was right there sitting in the car. And I remember my first thought and the good old fight or flight trauma response, right. My first thought was get out the car. You gotta go, you gotta go and get out of the car. Like down the highway right? And so I sat there and I shut down all my emotions shut down. And the people that were with me in the car they were like, are you okay? I'm like yeah and I'm trying to sort out what just happened to me I just hijacked big time. So we get to this conference and it was at a church they're a big church and worship started and I started just sobbing. I'm ugly, snot and I am a really not a big crier in front of people. We were with 19 people from our church and I'm kind of leading the trip I recruited all of them to come on, this is gonna be great. We're gonna get let's go do this. And I had to like get up and go like 10 rows back. And I sat during worship and I just sobbed during worship, you know those times Patti, where you feel like the Lord is just speaking to your heart. I so clearly, in my heart, I heard I'm reclaiming your body in the first place, you lost it. And I remember just sobbing and thinking, no, God, this is a deadbolt door. There are 10 dead bolts on here. Like I've even tried to submit bricks to the front of it. Like we're not opening that door in my heart that is a dark and shadowy place. And I don't want to open that. And I remember thinking, Why would you do this to me? Why would you take me here, but he was such a gentleman. You know, my heart was like, I don't want to do this, we've locked this down that was 16 to 19. I'm in my 40s like, stop, stop. But he kept pursuing me. And I think of that song reckless love, you know, where it says he chases me down fights till I'm found. And that was what I felt like he did in my heart. And every breakout I went to at that conference, like one of them was unfair. And I literally was avoiding anything, you know, there was nothing on like sexual abuse or a cold like that. I just, I was avoiding anything that looked like it or felt like it might be that breakout that could cause me to cry again. And so I went to one on fear. And I walk in a few minutes late because I was sobbing in bathroom. And um, and on the board, she has trauma written really big. Oh, and she's breaking down. What happens are trauma responses. And no, I've got to get out of here now like my I just wanted to leave everything. I went to one called building community. Does that sound safe? Do you know what they talked about? How trauma prevents us from building community? Like I say lovingly, Jehovah sneaky was chasing you down, right? Like everywhere I went. So that conference, we ended that conference. And the there was a spoken word at the end. And she must have said the word reclaim, like 20 times it was Hosanna long. And oh, it's amazing. And she was talking about reclaiming a place in her life that was hard. And hear the Lord had just spoken to me that morning during worship, I'm reclaiming your body in the first place. It was stolen. And so I became undone. So I believe that God placed me in Las Vegas at that trip, knowing he was going to go into those dark and shadowy places I've been hiding, saying, like, I'm going to place you here, but there's a purpose for your pain. I'm not going to leave you in it. He didn't open that deadbolt door to leave me raw and like emotionally used as we feel if we, if we pour into our past or begin to name things that have happened in our past that it's like we're wearing a sweater with that thread. And if we tug it, we're going to end up vulnerable. I will say the best place to be vulnerable was with Jesus. And he met me in it and he's so gently went through and helped me through it. And at the end of that conference, my husband was coming on to Vegas because we were going to spend a couple days together after the ladies left. And one of the things that I endorsed during the three years of abuse was he would take a sharpie and I know this sounds so crazy, but he would write his name on like my lower abdomen. And kind of like where is a woman right where our ovaries are. It was like a claiming that he was doing. And so what I did kind of rebellious, but super healing for me. And I know everybody has different views on tattoos. And but I went and got a tattoo on that exact place that I remember him writing his name. And it has a tree I love trees it had it has a tree and in the leaves are my kids initials, and my last name in the trunk, and then it says reclaimed. And then it has Romans 4:20-21, on the other side of the tree, and Romans 4:20-21. It's Abraham and talking about Abraham. And it says that Abraham did not waver in unbelief regarding the promises of God, he was strengthened in his faith gave glory to God and was fully persuaded that God had the power to do what he said he could do. And what I was living out, I wanted to give glory to God. I wanted to be fully persuaded that God could heal the God could restore that word reclaimed means to rescue and restore. And that's what he was doing with my story. And that tattoo was super healing to me to just sort of take back that which had been violated.

Patty Wyatt  25:02

Wow Denisha what a beautiful and not only that you've been able to reclaim that story I mean, God reclaim that story. But you did. You know so often we, we pray my daughter and I, I'm actually staying at her house today and we've been having these conversations and she was talking about she listens to Kellan Lutz's wife, Brittany. And she was mentioning something about what you just said how we we take that hurt and that pain and we want to we want to put it behind those brick wall. And when we do that, we also are putting the joy there. Like we can't fully experience joy when we have this this padlock on our hurt because we're so afraid someone's going to you know, hear about our shame, or they're going to think you're not worthy. And with that said, we only have a couple minutes before the show is over. And first of all, I just want to say thank you so much for sharing your story. And I could tell there was a couple times when I could hear your, your voice going there to choking up and and to be able to fully just unpack it and and throw up those words to us because I truly believe that there was someone out there that will hear this and they will want that healing just like you did. You know, I love that you go into one room, it's on fear you under the other one on community. It's like okay, God, these are supposed to be safe places for me to go. But if you could give one big gut wrenching tip, what would you say as we in the show today, to help those people that just heard your story?

Denisha Workizer  26:57

I would invite you to unlock that door. That door that you have 10 padlocks on the thing that you think is too far from God, whether it was done to you or something you did yourself. I would say that that those are the places that we can trust God to come in and trust his process, that there is nothing too far from God's rescuing and restoring.

Patty Wyatt  27:19

What a name for, you know, this has kind of been in the last five years, maybe even 10 years. It's all a bit it's been about your story. You know, share your story, heal from your story. tell your story, listen to somebody else's story. But I love how you added just that one word. It's like reclaim the story. Be able to truly give it to God to write that that story. And so with that, we just want to thank you once again, please subscribe to girlfriend it. This episode was placed with the person purpose and we know that you were designed specifically for a purpose and so discover that discover your divine design. 

Denisha Workizer  28:06

I hope you enjoyed Patti in my chat today, to check out more of Patty's podcast. Go to girlfriend it on Apple podcast. That's girlfriend, i t We look forward to hanging out with you again next week as I interview Patty Lynn Wyatt and hear her story. We'll see you the same time, same place next week. Thanks for listening. I pray you found hope in today's conversation, and maybe even feel a little less alone in your story. stay connected with us on Facebook and Instagram at reclaimed story. Want to learn more about living a reclaimed life and how you can be a part of our growing community of reclaimers check out our website at reclaim story.com all of those links and more will be in the show notes. And if you enjoyed this inspirational podcast Be sure to subscribe rate and review. That is a huge help and helping us reach more people to live the reclaimed life. Thank you so much for listening