Joy Comes In The Morning ~ Sally Knipe Ep. 33

TRIGGER WARNING: We are going to talk about depression, anxiety, and suicide. Is there a light at the end of your tunnel? YES! Listen as Sally and I talk about depression and anxiety. God is with you even when you are in a dark place. Moving from survival mode into thriving mode is possible.

You can find Sally’s book, “The Do’s and Don’ts of Grief” HERE

The Do's and Don'ts of Grief: How to Handle Grief after a Loss "Your life has been turned upside down, and nothing is 'normal' as you know it. If you thought you were in control, you certainly are no longer." Tragedy can strike suddenly and change all you know in an instant. Grief follows behind causing everything to spiral out of control. 

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Transcript

#33 Joy Comes in the morning ~ Sally Knipe

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

sally, life, depression, grief, healed, god, dark, hobby lobby, friend, joy, book, tunnel, deal, other side, seek, serotonin, reclaimed, deep depression, hope, day

SPEAKERS

Sally Knipe, Denisha Workizer

Denisha Workizer  00:00

Welcome to living the reclaim life podcast. I'm Denisha, we're glad you're here for conversations that revive hope, inspire healing and encourage you to live a vibrant life with Christ. So grab a cup of coffee as we chat with today's guest. Welcome to Episode 33. with Sally Knipe, we are having a blast together this month talking about topics that matter in our lives. And I'm so thankful that Sally has sought the Lord on what he had planned for this month and selecting topics that would really resonate with our lives. Today will be no different as Sally shares wisdom from a place of walking hard things out in life and making it to the other side. And I looked up the word wisdom. And the definition for the word wisdom is the quality of having experience, knowledge and good judgment, the quality of being wise.

Sally Knipe  00:54

Now, I don't know about you, but I've been in places that have seemed so dark that I wasn't sure if there was a light at the end of the tunnel. And so today we're going to talk about hope and healing that comes from those hard places. Today we're going to talk about joy. And joy isn't an easy thing to grasp, right? I mean, have you ever struggled finding joy, I know that God's word says the joy of the Lord is our strength. So we need joy. But Sally joy isn't an easy thing to grasp.

Denisha Workizer  01:26

No.

Sally Knipe  01:28

Hi to you Denisha. Joy is not um, it's kind of funny God is humorous. I have dealt with depression and anxiety, a lot of my life. But what one gift Do I have the gift of encouragement. Now, that to me is just the humor of God. But joy. Now we don't have joy every day. But we can ask for joy every day, because like you said, the joy of the Lord is our strength. And years ago, I'm going to share a little bit of my testimony when we lived in Pennsylvania. And my two older children were 13 and 10. While they were a little younger than that, actually, but I went through a very deep depression. My daughter was starting kindergarten, and I couldn't even get off the sofa to take her dad had to. And it was awful. And someone said to me, during that time, there is light at the end of the tunnel. And I just grabbed on to that with both hands. And thought just a simple sentence like that gave me hope that there was life on the other side of this depression. During that time, I as I look back, I see that I went through a lot of inner healing. I dealt with a lot of my bag each day. And God did heal me. And so I don't know, friends out there. What you may be dealing with? What kind of darkness you're enveloped in, you believe the lie that you'll never get on the other side of this. Because with God there is light at the end of the tunnel. There's his light. And his light dispels all dark. And I'm not being flipped because my depression went on three years, three years. And I did not function well as a wife a mother. No, it was just like I was out of it. But God was good in spite of it. So if you find yourself in that tunnel, know a couple of things. He's in there with you. He's probably holding you. But know that if we cling to God, and if we trust him for the outcome and trust him that he knows what he's doing even in this dark place that we can find his joy. And four years ago last month, I lost my husband and 53 years we had met I met him at the age of 15. I loved him his hair because it looked like Elvis's hair. You know it came down on that as far ahead and drove a cool car. And But truly, it was love at first sight and you know I went right from my home. Marriage never lived on my own. So when he passed away, I felt like I had lost everything in my life. While I had I lost my provider, my lover my comforter, my, he would keep me stable and I wasn't. He was a wise wise man. And I lost him and I thought I would not survive. Grief was unbelievable. I remember when the last house guests left after his memorial service, and I put my head on the counter. And I sobbed, the deepest sobs I've ever cried. And the Lord said to me, okay, all these years, you've taught classes, all these years, you've talked about, I'm faithful. Now you're going to have to really walk in. I had to make a choice, right that? Did I trust him or deny in this darkest time of my life? Well, as if that wasn't bad enough, what he told me to do, Holy Spirit said, write a book on your grief. And I'm like, serious. Now's not the time. writing a book is hard. And it's taxing. And you need to think, you know, you don't think during grief, you really don't Your mind is a muddle. You don't remember you're, you're just, you're in chaos. But I argued with him and guess who won? He did. And I wrote the book and had it published within a year after Jim died. And I called it the do's and don'ts of three because my heart was to help others go through grief, and know the principles that I came to know. And even the smallest little helps, that would help someone else through this hard, hard journey. So I wrote it, and had it published. And one of my chapters is called survival mode. And when we're in a dark place, we're just surviving. We get up each day, and we just have to do what we have to do that day to get through the minute, the hour, the day. And some of my days, I didn't even want to get out of bed. But I would and I'd make myself get dressed. And I'd I pray What can I do today to get through today, I was only surviving and maybe right now, you're only surviving, you're holding on to the last of your hope and figure this will never get better. But friends even that, even that awful grief. I am now on the other side of it missing I'm still terribly, but I'm on the other side of it. So what does survival mode mean? It means you get up, you make yourself get up, you get dressed. And you say the Lord What do I need today to get through? And then watch how he answers he'll he'll send a friend or you call a friend Don't be shy you call a friend and say I need to go to lunch today. And my biggest thing was at that point Hobby Lobby was across town. It wasn't close in the northwest part of Tucson like it is now and I would get up and get ready and go to Hobby Lobby and do you know that got me through that day? A pleasant atmosphere Christian music played maybe I buy something maybe I wouldn't. Hobby Lobby got me through that day. We go to things for comfort and I'm not talking about substance abuse. I did a little spending but I caught myself but backed off but we want to go to things that will ease the pain and you know only I found that only God could really ease the pain Yes, the people around me, my children, my dear friends. They helped ease the pain. But literally it was God using these people through this time when I needed to get through each day. And you can't feel sorry for yourself but you do you while we're in self pity and and I was allowed to do that for a while. But you have to make things happen. And you have to not only tell God what you need, you have to tell others what you need. And if you need somebody with you that day to kind of watch you. I had people watching how deep I would go and if I went too deep in my depression which I was prone to would be made aware of it. And at one point I did, I went too deep and I needed some sleeping meds. And I don't recommend that for every ailment. I'm not saying that not to abuse them at all. But I needed to sleep. And the sleeplessness is one of the signs of grief. So you pray about your need. And then you thank him, you know what he's going to send your answer package different than you think he might send somebody you would never expect to be there for you. And so, our answers, he answers us, he hears this and he answers us. But he might send an answer that we got one never thought of that I never believed that would be what I needed for this day. depression and anxiety. denisha are dark, dark places to live. Your life becomes bland. And it seems like there's no joy and purpose, you just get up. And I don't know about you, but I'm one that likes to plan my next day and write down my goals and you just get up and walk through it. And this is all part of depression and grief. And I would, you know, to put a plug in for myself, I would recommend my book only because it's so simple. You can read it in a couple days. And yet it gives you the practical hints of dealing with these times when we're really in such a dark place that we really don't believe that we will get out of it. A couple of recommended recommendations that I would suggest is one thing my doctor found out was that I do not make enough serotonin. serotonin is a very real thing. It's our well being. It's what makes us cope. So if you don't have any serotonin or much, and you hit a very traumatic part in your life, like the death of my husband, I had no well being. So I always wondered why I had to work at life, had to work at living. Life just didn't come natural for me. And I found out physically chemically having things that you do to enhance your serotonin. And it's made all the difference in the world. God has a solution. He says to ask for wisdom, and they'll give it to me something that bacey can make all the difference in the world. So be checked out physically be checked out chemically.

Denisha Workizer  13:07

Sally, thank you so much for hitting on that. Because I think oftentimes, in church circles, we maybe don't talk enough about mental health, and how just like you said, it's just like diabetes, if I have diabetes, I'm going to go and take medication for that, to regulate that to make sure my sugar levels are in balance. That is so true about our minds as well. If our chemicals in our minds are off, it really can throw our whole lives our decision making everything off. And so I love that you just gave us permission to go and seek professional help or our mental health because it's just as important as the rest of our body. And I think oftentimes, we don't talk about that, that feels like to me that there's somewhat of a stigma, I think in Christian circles. So I really appreciate you giving us permission in a way to say to look into that to explore that part of our health. I appreciate that. 

Sally Knipe  14:05

You know, years ago when I was in the depths of my depression, I actually had people say if I had more faith, I'd be healed. 

Denisha Workizer  14:14

See, that makes the hair on the back of my neck.

Sally Knipe  14:16

Yeah, believe me that doesn't help you. That person did get up after they said that to me. No, but, you know, start new, something. Do something. Um, seek medical help. Seek a pastor seek a counselor seek a wise man or woman. We had the neatest pastor back in Pennsylvania, who didn't have an actual church. But he did Bible studies throughout the week and all these different homes and I met Richard, he would stop his meetings and say, let's pray for Sally. And I would have friends that would come one particular best friend who came and dressed me and took me to these meetings, I think back now and I'm like, I can't believe I was like that. But I was. And so she take me to the Bible study, and they pray. And I remember as after I was healed, and I was healed girls out, friends, I want you to know that I was healed of my depression. But once this pastor saw that, I was on my way to healing, kind of cut the apron strings, and I was a little hurt, like, I still might need you. And later, a couple years into ministry, having moved across the country, left family, you know, talk about wanting to be depressed, but no, I was healed of it. I thought back and I thought, thank God, he knew when to cut the strings. He knew I didn't need that anymore. And so that was really good. But what do you need? Ask God, what you need. And remember that he his light shines in our darkness. But you know, tonatiuh, what keeps us from us? From it the most of seeking help? Asking for help even a friend. Pride? And shame. Our shame. You know, maybe God's saying, okay, Sally, it's time to deal with this. And I'm like, Oh, I don't want to look at that. And I'm certainly not going to tell anybody about it. Yeah. And it's our pride and shame. Because you know what Jesus already knows. The movie, The Chosen One of the series. Matthew looked at him and he said, Oh, that's right. You already know my thoughts. Jesus knows our thoughts. He knows where we're at. He knows when we're in that dark place. So don't let your pride and shame keep you from seeking the help that you need. 

Denisha Workizer  17:09

Now, why is it necessary to turn the control over to God, like you just mentioned, inviting him to take that we want control of our lives? We and that's part of that pride, mentioned, right? How do we and why should we I think, hand control over to God and invite him to be a part of our process of healing? 

Sally Knipe  17:35

Simply, we can't heal ourselves. And like I've said before, you can read every self help book out there, and they might help you some I'm a reader, I love books. But who's the right dealer? He's the one that knows what to me that needs to go, and what needs to be touched, and what needs to be here. And so I can't heal myself. I don't even know I didn't even know what that time, what things I needed to deal with who I needed to forgive. You know, we can't begin to know that he made us so he knows what we need. And he says in James one, five, if any of you lacks wisdom, so we need to ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. And you know, after we have come to Tucson, Jim and I were spending some times some afternoon at Barnes and Noble one day, and I was looking in the section on anxiety. And I came across a big article on anxiety disorder. And I was so excited that I found Jim and said, what I've been suffering is really anxiety, not depression. Now they go together somewhat. But as a medical note, there are different things that deal with each one. I have given a couple talks with my medical doctor promoting the chemical side that the mental health side that it's all the same, I mean, different treatments, but they all are real things. I can say my depression nor my anxiety cripple me anymore. I'm I'm able to do life and do it very well.

Denisha Workizer  19:53

One thing I think that you're giving us in such a beautiful way to have a woman of your Wisdom of your experience, to be able to say I struggled with depression, I had to have a friend come and dress me to get me out of bed for a season in my life. I feel like you are really giving us permission, that it's okay not to be okay. And that really takes that shame off. You know, we talked about that the shame and the pride that really takes that shame off. Because I think that innately, I think we truly believe that we have to be strong, that it's not okay, if we're not okay, and that nobody can know it. We have to put that mask on. Continue about our days and our lives. I hear what you're explaining in your own personal experience. And you're on the other side, that you're telling us It's okay, if you're not okay. And it's okay to tell someone find that safe person in your life that you can say, I'm not okay. And what you said about this doesn't cripple me anymore. I just pray that your victory, Sally can be a victory for the ladies who are listening who are in the trench right now who are experiencing this and it does feel crippling and they're not okay. Ladies, I just hope that you hear Sally's words that it's okay not to be okay. It's okay to call a friend. It's okay to ask for help. And if you look at Sally, right now she is on the other side, she has walked through that area on to foster over 60 kids. And that is amazing. Because I'll bet when you're in the pit. Sally, you probably didn't think that that was possible that there was light at the end of the tunnel.

Sally Knipe  21:36

I just want to warn you having over 60 foster kids come and go can lead you into a very deep depression.

Denisha Workizer  21:45

You're like I'm not recommending that unless you're called to it.

Sally Knipe  21:49

No, they were really good, good years. And we did have joy and we had provision. But I want to briefly talk about a very sensitive subject. If any of you are out there, and your hope is so not they're so far away. I want to discuss suicide. If you are not on the right meds, or the proper treatment, or you have not found your answer, and you feel like I'm done, this life would be better without me. That is a bold face, lie. Your life is worth it. Because Christ made you in his image. And there is nothing that the enemy would love better than to destroy and hurt and lie to us that not everybody would be better without you. That is a lie. Do not go there. Right now. If you have any thoughts toward that. Get in your car and go visit a friend. call a friend, call the suicide hotline. Call your pastor, call someone and tell them how deep you are. Stop and get help. And Christ will meet you in this darkest, darkest place. He is attentive to our prayers 24 seven. He never slumbers or sleeps, he leaves the 99 to find the one. Isn't that a beautiful picture of Christ, He will leave his other 99 knowing they're safe. And he will go and find the one. He will put you around his neck he will come to you. He will say I have a plan for you. I have a solution. Just be with me. Trust me, because I am faithful. And I just believe that maybe there is some of you out there that are in such a dark place that you think that there is no other solution. But there is I'm here to tell you there is I have been in that position twice back in my depression years. And I thought the world would be better off without me game would be better off without me and the kids would be better off without me. I'm so glad that I had people around me. that kept me from making that awful, awful mistake. So just listen to my voice and know that God is right there in your dark tunnel. And he's going to either take your hand and lead you or he's going to carry you to light and freedom 

Denisha Workizer  25:03

Amen and you know in moments where we can't quite carry the hope for ourselves, I just want you to really hear Sally's words and allow her to carry that poke for you until you can carry it for yourself, just as her friends did for her and told her that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And if you don't have someone close to you, I want to provide you with the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. And there's someone on the other end of that line that can also help carry the hope with you. Sally, I just thank you so much for your encouragement and for your realness today, thank you for not leaving any stone unturned for us to just know that we're not alone. And to know that this is part of our human experience, that the we have a God that is so much greater than our circumstances. Thank you for your heart and transparency. It's just it's been a beautiful, beautiful time. 

Sally Knipe  26:05

I just want to end with this scripture. Because I write this in when I signed my grief box. I write this in it. It's comes from Jeremiah 3113. I will turn their morning into gladness or you can put the word joy. I will give them comfort and give them joy. Instead of sorrow. He will turn our morning into gladness. He will. He says he keeps his promises. And so he is close to the brokenhearted and he will heal the brokenhearted to more promises. So lean on him. And yes, just see what he has for you and your life and he never waste one thing. Never. 

Denisha Workizer  27:01

Amen. And if you're interested in Sally's book, the do's and don'ts of grief, you can find that on Amazon under Sally Knight. That's K-N-I-P-E and the link to the book will also be in the show notes and we hope that that would be a source of encouragement for you as well. Thank you so much, Sally and I look forward to next week. 

Sally Knipe  27:21

You're welcome. God bless.

Denisha Workizer  27:23

Thanks for listening. I pray you found hope in today's conversation, and maybe even feel a little less alone in your story. stay connected with us on Facebook and Instagram at reclaimed story. Want to learn more about living a reclaimed life and how you can be a part of our growing community of reclaimers check out our website at reclaimedstory.com all of those links and more will be in the show notes. And if you enjoyed this inspirational podcast Be sure to subscribe rate and review. That is a huge help and helping us reach more people to live the reclaimed life. Thank you so much for listening.