Hope In Heartache ~ Sally Knipe Ep. 99

Who or what do you turn to when you experience a great loss, like the death of a loved one? What are healthy and unhealthy ways to grieve? How can we know what to say and what not to say to people who are hurting? In this episode, we will address these important questions and more as we journey together to find hope in the midst of heartache.

You can find Sally’s book, “The Do’s and Don’ts of Grief” HERE

The Do's and Don'ts of Grief: How to Handle Grief after a Loss "Your life has been turned upside down, and nothing is 'normal' as you know it. If you thought you were in control, you certainly are no longer." Tragedy can strike suddenly and change all you know in an instant. Grief follows behind causing everything to spiral out of control.

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Here are two FREE Ebooks for you!
1. Shame Off You: 10 steps to shattering shame in your life, HERE.
2. ABC's: CLICK HERE for a FREE E-book to help you combat lies and replace them with God's truth. For more encouragement, check out some of our offerings at www.reclaimedstory.com

Did you know we have a jewelry line that speaks to your identity in Jesus? CLICK HERE to shop. Every purchase helps support our mission to provide healing and hope to women worldwide.

Would you partner with us to spread the message of hope and healing? You can DONATE HERE. Living the Reclaimed Life is a Reclaimed Story, Inc. podcast, An Arizona non-profit corporation.

If you would like to connect with a safe group of women doing real-life together, join our private Facebook page, “Living the Reclaimed Life” or on Facebook or Instagram

Transcript

[00:00:00] Valerie: Who or what do you turn to when you experience a great loss, like the death of a loved one? What are healthy and unhealthy ways to [00:00:10] grieve? How can we know what to say and what not to say to people who are hurting? In this episode, we will address these important [00:00:20] questions and more as we journey together to find.

[00:00:24] Valerie: Even in the midst of Heart, Inc. 

[00:00:27] Sally: Welcome to Living the Reclaimed Life [00:00:30] podcast. I'm Danisha. We're glad you're here for conversations that revive hope, inspire healing, and encourage you to live a vibrant life with Christ. So grab a [00:00:40] cup of coffee as we chat with today's guest.[00:00:50]

[00:00:50] Valerie: Hello and welcome to Living the Reclaimed Life podcast. This is Valerie, your guest, host, and content and ministry coordinator here for Reclaimed story. [00:01:00] It is so good to be back with you after taking some time as a team and community to process and grieve. The loss of Tanisha's [00:01:10] husband and father to their children who died suddenly and unexpectedly in March.

[00:01:15] Valerie: And we know many of you who follow us on social media have been [00:01:20]grieving with us as well. This is why we have invited Sally Knight, one of our beloved prayer intercessors. Back to our podcast to have an open and [00:01:30] honest conversation about the impact of death and grief on our lives, as well as the importance of grief for the healing process.

[00:01:39] Valerie: When [00:01:40] we have indeed suffered a great loss, Sally is a mother, a grandmother, a great grandmother, women's ministry leader, bible [00:01:50] teacher, and author who is intimately familiar with the impact of grief on her own life. Yet she has so much wisdom and encouragement to share with [00:02:00] us about the grieving process that will inspire hope and healing.

[00:02:04] Valerie: Welcome, Sally. I am so glad to see you, and it's so good to have you back. 

[00:02:08]Sally: Thank you so much, [00:02:10] Valerie. It's it's great to be back and yeah. It seems like grief is the topic of the day. Yes. Right now, at least in my life. And I think all those close to me have [00:02:20] suffered. Many, many forms of grief in the last six months to a year.

[00:02:25] Sally:: Yes. 

[00:02:26] Valerie: And even what's going on in our nation, right. And just all around us [00:02:30]personally, or as a culture, you don't have to look far as a country. Yeah. So, Sally, I am so glad you're here and I, I want you to share with us and start off sharing with our [00:02:40] audience about your own journey with grief and your own personal story to give us an insight into how you have walked out the grieving process.

[00:02:49] Sally: Well, I [00:02:50] feel personally, and I've taught this over the years, that every experience we go through is a book that God gives [00:03:00] us. And I have many books in my library of experiences and I wouldn't I didn't appreciate them all, but [00:03:10] once you walk through a hard time, a form of grief, you have that chapter, that new book to put on the shelf and it's [00:03:20] there to help others go through the same thing.

[00:03:22] Sally: We have been through, over I was married for 53 years and almost five years ago, my husband [00:03:30] died fairly suddenly. It wasn't a long. It was fairly short and I had met him on a blind date when I was 15. [00:03:40] So we grew up together and did life together for 53 years. And I'm telling you when that other part of [00:03:50] you is gone, because we do become one I just felt like half of my body was gone, and I think I cried the first two [00:04:00] years and I've watched other women go through it and I'm like, How come I didn't go through it so well, but I just think it was that deep connection that Jim and I [00:04:10] had and all the experiences in life.

[00:04:12] Sally: We went through losing a dear little foster child for six weeks and thought he might die on the reservation. We [00:04:20] went through loss of a. Teenager's life through being a prodigal. We went through financial loss, we, you name it. Pretty much we went through it. [00:04:30] And so I have a lot of books in my library, but the one that caused me to write the.

[00:04:37] Sally: The book that Valerie's gonna [00:04:40] mention in a minute is was the death of my husband. Mm-hmm. And about six months after that, God said, I want you to write a book on grief so that others will [00:04:50] know. How to do it right when you're speaking with others or what you need at the time. It is a very practical book, [00:05:00] but he said, write a book.

[00:05:01] Sally: And I'm like, really? So I wrote and cried and wrote and cried, and a year later I published a book on grief. [00:05:10] Hmm. 

[00:05:11] Valerie: Well, and I wanna just point out what you were mentioning earlier, Sally, just the word loss, right. Even if it's [00:05:20] not a death, we all will experience loss of some sort. And I know when my brother died and I worked through that, you know, [00:05:30] looking at over the timeline of my life, how, you know, a move can be a loss.

[00:05:35] Valerie: Yes. A job change can be a loss, a loss of a dream, and so, It doesn't have [00:05:40] to be a death. Right. To still walk through 

[00:05:42] Sally: grief. Right, exactly. And, and you know, it starts as young as a child losing a favor. [00:05:50] Pet their best friend moving outta town as a teenager, it can, you know Their hopes and dreams maybe start to fall apart when you're [00:06:00] 17 or 18.

[00:06:00] Sally: You're not the most popular boy or girl in school. I mean, it just keeps going on. And then as an We see so much as a middle-aged person [00:06:10] divorced now. Mm-hmm. Older couples are divorcing. Divorce is a great loss for everyone connected. And then I have a lot of [00:06:20] friends my age and I have friends older.

[00:06:21] Sally:They're starting to lose. Their spouse, their health, their mind yeah. Loss [00:06:30]is any time, any age, we will all experience loss. 

[00:06:35] Valerie: So, Sally, why, why do you think. [00:06:40] With just us as humans, right? If we, if we know that you know, we live in a broken world, right? We live in an imperfect world. We may experience [00:06:50] loss, we will experience loss.

[00:06:52] Valerie: Why is it sometimes so hard to talk about it? To talk about loss, to talk about death, and, and in the, in the same way, how [00:07:00] can we create a safe space to talk about it in a healthy way? 

[00:07:06Sally: After you experience a deep loss, [00:07:10] you soon find out who your safe friends are and who they are not. And by that I'm not being critical.

[00:07:17] Sally: I have a wonderful. [00:07:20] Friend support system, but there were friends that could help me and there were friends that really didn't wanna talk about it. And let me tell [00:07:30]you, when people, when you have a fresh wave of grief and you're with somebody and they ignore it, like the elephant in the room. That is [00:07:40] so hurtful, and I learned real quick what to say and what not to say.

[00:07:46] Sally: Never, ever, ever say, well, they're in a better [00:07:50] place. Yes, Jim was in a better place, but he wasn't by me in my bed. Mm-hmm. In my house. And that just cuts to the core. It [00:08:00] rather, if you can't think of anything else to say, when you first meet a person that has had a loss, just say, I am so sorry Sally. And another [00:08:10] thing don't, don't ask people what can I do, just.

[00:08:15] Sally: Or call me. Don't ever say Call me. They won't. You are so confused. [00:08:20]You don't know what you're doing. You're getting up and you're putting one foot in front of the other. You have no idea what's going on. It's grief is, is confusion, and it's, it's you know, your [00:08:30] life is just so messed up and, and there's no normal anymore.

[00:08:34] Sally: And so just say, you know, what can I do [00:08:40] specifically? And is that come and help clean your house? While you're expecting out-of-town guests, is it bringing you over a nice fries gift [00:08:50] card that you can buy food? I personally am not a flower person and I had a lot of flowers given to me and I woke up [00:09:00] one morning and I was totally, my allergies were off the wall with all these.

[00:09:05] Sally: Oh, no. And so I asked my dear brother-in-laws that was there [00:09:10] visiting after Jim passed away. I said, Lee, would you take these flowers to my daughter's? And then they all woke up and were sneezing and had allergies. But I, that wasn't [00:09:20] helpful, was it? It wasn't, I mean, To be honest. A gift card to go out to lunch later, or a, you know, my, my go-to place was Hobby [00:09:30] Lobby.

[00:09:30] Sally:Sorry, girls. I mean, it was retail therapy. Retail therapy. And I had one Saturday that my, all my kids were gone and everybody was busy. And I [00:09:40] woke up and I thought, I can't do today. Mm-hmm. I cannot do today. Mm. I made myself get dressed and I made myself go to Hobby Lobby, [00:09:50] and I'm telling you, just walking around in that atmosphere It got me through that day, that hour.

[00:09:56] Sally: Wow. Wow. 

[00:09:57] Valerie: So, well you were talking about what to [00:10:00] say, what not to say. I have found in my own grief journey, and then as I help support other people through theirs, is just simply asking the question, [00:10:10] will this be helpful? So maybe you suggest something's like, Would that be helpful? Yes. And they can say yes or no.

[00:10:16] Valerie: Exactly. And then it, you clean their house, run an errand. Would [00:10:20] this be helpful? Yes. If I That's a good picked up something for you. Yes. And then they, they have the freedoms to, to say yes. Or no, and correct it, say no, but this would [00:10:30] be 

[00:10:30] Sally: yes. So, and it could be the smallest thing, but at that point, even the smallest thing looks big.

[00:10:37] Sally:: A friend from our church took me out to lunch [00:10:40] shortly after Jim passed away. And she said to me, the Lord told me that you need to hurry up through your grief so you can you know, serve the Lord [00:10:50] again. And I'm, I'm being honest, I left that restaurant in tears. Wow. And I kind of stumped my feet and I said, my grief is my grief.[00:11:00]

[00:11:00] Sally: And I will walk through this at my speed, and when I'm ready to live again, I will live again. But don't take their grief from them. [00:11:10] Now, everybody grieves different ways, different periods of time. Mm-hmm. If someone's still in deep, deep grief in two years, [00:11:20]something needs to be done. And, and I'll talk more about that.

[00:11:24] Sally: Yeah. Of keeping an eye on other 

[00:11:26] Valerie: people. Exactly. So, so [00:11:30] Sally, we know that as we've talked about, we know loss is a part of life. Death, experiencing death is a part of life. And as you mentioned about the [00:11:40] grieving process and, and my grief being my grief, and allowing people to grieve in their own way, why is.

[00:11:49] Valerie: So [00:11:50] important to the healing process. Why is, how is the process of grief? And, and maybe you can share a little bit about the stages, cuz I know I've learned a lot about the stages [00:12:00] of grief, but why is it important to grief? 

[00:12:05] Sally:A pastor of a previous church I went to, he and his wife lost a [00:12:10] young daughter and he shared one Sunday years ago.

[00:12:16] Sally:: They never discussed that loss. [00:12:20] And his wife went to back to school to be a music scholar and he threw himself in his preaching [00:12:30] and years later, the grief came up in in other ways. And they finally faced it and [00:12:40] grieved it years later, you have to grieve it. Now, I might take two years to get through the hardest of the grief.[00:12:50]

[00:12:50] Sally: You may take three, but if you're five years in, and someone said to me a couple years. I, [00:13:00] I'm still in the darkest part. Does this ever get better? Red flags went up for me. I thought by five years, yes, you should be better, but [00:13:10] if you, if you take three, Valerie and I took. I feel like after two and a half years, I came alive again.

[00:13:18] Sally: Now, I'm not saying [00:13:20] that's the formula for everyone, of course it's not. But I felt like I wanted to live again. I wanted to entertain. I had joy, I had [00:13:30] laughter, and So we have to, or it'll come out in some mentally, emotionally, physical way if [00:13:40] we don't grieve. No one wants to walk that journey. It's the hardest journey of life.

[00:13:46] Sally: The grief journey, but we have to, [00:13:50] and we go through, you know, the five main stages, but they're worth mentioning and I briefly laid them out here. The first one is denial. [00:14:00] I remember shortly after Jim passed away, I went to the movies with my daughter and daughter-in-law and we ca and I'm sitting in the movies and you know, [00:14:10] your mind, the, the movie takes over your mind.

[00:14:13] Sally: And I thought when I go home, Jim's gonna be there. Just for that time, I had gotten away from the [00:14:20] reality and we got out in the lobby and I shared that. And so we're all bawling in the lobby of the movies. And then my, my daughter-in-law said [00:14:30] something very funny about her mother, and then we were all hysterically laughing.

[00:14:34] Sally: But denial for that moment. I thought when I go home, Jim, we'll be there. And I [00:14:40] remember another time my daughter was moving and we were helping her and we were all in her house and everything had just been moved in, but nothing put in order. And I looked at my [00:14:50] daughter and I said, where's dad? So just that quick, we forget.

[00:14:55] Sally: I mean, like I said, we had been together since I was 15 [00:15:00] Then. Quickly go into depression. And it was almost like to a month month's [00:15:10] time that I went through denial to depression. I didn't stay in denial. I knew he was gone, but depression. And that is [00:15:20]dangerous because if we stay there, we are in. I had enough safe friends that had seen me through sometimes when I was very depressed because I [00:15:30] deal with depression and anxiety on a regular pace basis.

[00:15:34] Sally: It's managed, you know, I manage it, I'm fine. I can live. But you get [00:15:40] in that depression and. You wanna stay there. But we can't. And so it took a while to move out of that one and [00:15:50] then anger. Mm-hmm. And I was never angry at God, but one day in my book, I have a very simple chapter called Name Your Day.[00:16:00]

[00:16:01] Sally:: If you call a person that's grieving, what kind of a day are you having in one word? Well, one day my daughter, my oldest daughter called me and she said, what kind of day are you [00:16:10] having? I said, I'm having an angry day. She said, mom, who are you angry at? I said, your father. I said, he has so much stuff in his shed, and it's [00:16:20] August and it's hot out, and I'm out there cleaning his shed and later we laugh.

[00:16:24] Sally: She said, mom, when you just, I'm angry at your dad, but. You know, [00:16:30]angry. I, I, I wanna put a little extra information in here. I think I've never experienced someone close [00:16:40] to me committing suicide, but I have had friends that have, and I believe that when someone in takes your life, your anger looks [00:16:50] so different in the healing process, there's so much more to be angry about.

[00:16:54] Sally: Mm-hmm. And so I just wanna put that in somebody's. Ear [00:17:00] today that your anger will probably look very different. You know why did she do this? Why this, why didn't I see it? Why we can go on [00:17:10] and on, but you don't, you know, experience the anger, get angry, you know? And

[00:17:15] Valerie: I was gonna ask you, Sally, how, what encouragement can you offer [00:17:20]people who feel guilty?

[00:17:22] Valerie: About being angry? 

[00:17:24] Sally: Well, you can be angry for a while, but then if you need to talk [00:17:30] to a professional or a close friend about why you can't get rid of it. Mm-hmm. I'm thinking of a divorce. A divorce is a loss. You grieve a [00:17:40] divorce. Your anger might stay a little longer. Why did he do this to me? Why?

[00:17:44] Sally: You know, and so your anger will probably be longer and more complicated. I [00:17:50] did not, I wasn't mad at Jim his time, his days were numbered. I knew it. I didn't wanna hear it, but I knew it. But and I never got angry at God, [00:18:00] cuz I know. That our days are numbered, and this obviously was his day. So but keep on working through it and don't stay in the [00:18:10] anger because Ephesians 4 31 says, get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger.

[00:18:16] Sally: Anger not dealt with turns into bitterness. [00:18:20] And we went through a time of bitterness with our prodigal once and our other children told us, mom and dad, you are bitter. And bitter is [00:18:30] not pretty. Bitter does not look good on us. Mm-hmm. And then we go to bargaining. And that one I don't understand. That would be a special type of [00:18:40] grief you hear of bargaining in the trenches.

[00:18:43]Sally: If you save me, Lord, out of this trench in the war, you know, I'll serve you forever. Well, I [00:18:50] didn't, I didn't bargain. If you give him back, I mean, I might have pleaded a little bit, but you. I have since watched women my [00:19:00] age or a little older go through men with Alzheimer's, go through this and that. And I thought God knew exactly how to do this with us and exactly what I could handle [00:19:10] and what I couldn't.

[00:19:11] Sally:And so bargaining is a stage though that you bargain to get your loved one back. And then [00:19:20] acceptance. We finally have to get to the, That Jim is gone. He's not coming back, but acceptance [00:19:30] looks different. A prodigal living on the streets, on drugs. A husband, a a Christian husband walking out on you after many affairs [00:19:40] you, you name it.

[00:19:40] Sally:That those are situations that are harder to accept. Due to illness, Alzheimer's, whatever is [00:19:50] easier to accept because it's a normal way of leaving. Yeah. But so 

[00:19:55] Valerie: and Sally, is this, would you say this grief process or the [00:20:00] stages is linear or have you experienced in your life kind of. Bouncing from one stage to another, where it almost looks like spaghetti, kind of all mixed together.

[00:20:08] Valerie: It's 

[00:20:09] Sally:spaghetti. [00:20:10] You know? I wish that you could, I'm gonna do this one this month, that one that month, and this one and five months, I'll be done. Yeah, new grief would hit me in the [00:20:20] strangest ways. Of course, we all know the. First when it's a death or a divorce, the first or a child losing a child, the first are [00:20:30] awful.

[00:20:30] Sally: My first was Thanksgiving and no matter what my kids did, I wanted to be on the bed crying. And so [00:20:40] yes, it's, it. It is different and you'll think you're over something. And just a recent holiday, I can't even [00:20:50] remember which one. I just wanted to cry and grieve again. And this has been almost five years.

[00:20:55] Sally: So yes, it's, it's a bit of a roller coaster. It's a back and [00:21:00] forth, but generally I am, well, I have wellbeing. I have found a purpose for Sally and. [00:21:10] Yeah, you eventually get back, but it, it can hit you like a tsunami when you're not even expecting it. So don't think once you're out of one stage, this'll never come [00:21:20] back.

[00:21:20] Sally:: It can and it can hit you. And you, I find prayer, of course prayer. Hmm. And I can call any number of friends and I'm so blessed with that [00:21:30] guys. I can bless any number or call any number of friends and say, I'm struggling today. Can you help? Different days of the week will be hard. [00:21:40] Sunday I get up and start crying because I wanted gym in church with me.

[00:21:45] Sally:I wanted that body next to me. And one day I called my, my, well, I'm meant [00:21:50] to call my daughter. And my brother-in-law came on and I said, just pray for me. You know, but that gets all, gets better. So maybe. I wanna give you hope. [00:22:00]

[00:22:00] Valerie: Yes. Well, and speaking of hope, that is such a good transition. We are talking about hope this month, especially with [00:22:10] April being Easter and just obviously our living hope Jesus resurrecting from the dead.

[00:22:16] Valerie: That is the only hope we really can clinging [00:22:20] to. But as we think about, just as you said, the day-to-day. How, what was your hope like every single day [00:22:30] that you woke up and whether you were heavy in grief or it was a lighter day? How can we clinging to hope and [00:22:40] heartache? 

[00:22:41] Sally: I've been a teacher most of my life and I've been a mentor.

[00:22:49] Sally: [00:22:50] And I have taught others about hope. And the day my last house guest guest left my house after Jim's service, [00:23:00] I went in the my house and I put my head on the counter and I sobbed like I have never sobbed in my life. [00:23:10] And I said, God, how am I gonna go on without him? And he said, Sally, you have preached.

[00:23:19] Sally:You have taught [00:23:20] this, now you really have to live this. And every day was my spiritual walk. [00:23:30] Had to be, I have to turn to you, I have to turn to you. And I wanna say there's a wonderful scripture that Jesus loves [00:23:40] for women, the widow and the orphan. He has a special place in his heart for. That are widowed and I saw that [00:23:50] my every need, I mean, we were on the mission field for many years.

[00:23:53]Sally: We were not rich by any means, but Jim had laid out a very practical thing for [00:24:00] me to do if he went first. And my every need from my whole life, but especially from that day on, was. [00:24:10] Taken care of. Psalm 62, 5 says, find Resto my soul in God alone. My hope comes from him. I [00:24:20] had nothing else. Well, the people around me in love to really stand on.

[00:24:26] Sally: From that day forward with my husband God, but God, he [00:24:30] became my husband. He became my husband. He fulfilled my every need, even the days. I'm telling you, I was going crazy because the [00:24:40] utility company needed to talk to my dead husband to get his name off the bill and, you know talk about anger. It's like.

[00:24:48] Sally: Well, he can't talk to you. [00:24:50] He's in heaven. Okay. My anger came back, but. Jesus helped me through this process. Help me [00:25:00] through all these things I need to take care of. Maybe you didn't have a husband that was so helpful, but I did. My husband could do anything and [00:25:10] so how do I turn my heater on? And a friend came over and he said, well, you just push it from off to on.

[00:25:16] Sally:I mean, come on now, 

[00:25:18] Valerie: but. God [00:25:20] provided the friend, he provided the friend 

[00:25:23] Sally:: to point that out. And my kid said it takes a village to raise our mother, but that's okay. 

[00:25:27] Valerie: What about the unanswered [00:25:30] questions, Sally? What, what do we do with those unanswered questions that, that we are asking God and we aren't getting the answer?

[00:25:38] Valerie: And maybe that turns [00:25:40] into anger, but what, what do we do with those unanswered questions and grief? 

[00:25:45] Sally: Well, I believe that when we say, and I know some people don't like [00:25:50] this scripture, that all things work together. I went through a hard time with one of my children not too long ago, and I spoke to my pastor's wife about it, and she [00:26:00] said, if it's not good, it's not done.

[00:26:04] Sally: Hmm. Wow. I'm not God. I don't know the reasons. [00:26:10] I don't know the reasons why your husband left you. I don't know why your child being brought up in a good Christian home is on the streets [00:26:20] out of their mind with drugs. I don't know why your daughter got pregnant. I don't know why your husband left you after 25 years, [00:26:30] but.

[00:26:30] Sally: You know, we, I believe we eventually see it. I, I believe that, that we eventually [00:26:40] see it. But you know, that, that old illustration of the tapestry, I'm looking at the strings and it's ugly, but God knows from [00:26:50] beginning, he knows from the beginning to the end of my life, what, what am I here for, for a time such as this, and, and, I think he [00:27:00] finally shows us, but if he doesn't grieve it and let it go, because God is God and I am not.[00:27:10]

[00:27:10] Sally:Amen. And I, amen. I trust him in a, on a level that. I can let things go. Hmm. If it's [00:27:20] just for my experience or to do something in somebody else's life, I have to let it go and trust that God knows the beginning from the end, [00:27:30] he sees the beautiful top of the finish tapestry. Hmm. 

[00:27:34] Valerie: Wow. That's beautiful. I was just thinking of trust and I just love what you said, [00:27:40] trusting him at a level where I can let things go.

[00:27:44] Valerie: And isn't that the Christian life? Right? That is, that is why Jesus [00:27:50] is our living hope. Yes, because hope is not something we. Could happen or we wish didn't happen. Hope is a [00:28:00] person. Yes. And no matter what is going on, what we've experienced, what heartache we're walking through, we can clinging to hope because hope is a [00:28:10] living person.

[00:28:11] Valerie: And 

[00:28:11] Sally:oh, that's a, that's a beautiful illustration and yes, and when we think we've suffered more than we ever could, and we look at his. You know, the, [00:28:20] the story of his life that's out now, the chosen. I just feel like he's gone through everything that I have gone through. Mm-hmm. [00:28:30] And more and more and more the rejection, the pain, the, the sorrow, the, you know people turning on him.

[00:28:38] Sally: I mean, [00:28:40] So whatever your loss is, maybe you've had a bad experience in a ministry and it didn't end well, you don't think we spent six years in a ministry and [00:28:50] it didn't end well, and we were very hurt. And you're like, well, I, I can't believe that happened. But friends, it does. We live with human [00:29:00] beings and it does.

[00:29:01] Sally: And again, that's another book on my shelf ministry hurt. I just want you to know that. Your, your [00:29:10] loss will always be there in a memory and, and but you will, you will get through. I want to encourage [00:29:20] you that are at the very bottom, that there is light at the end of the tunnel. There will be an end to your [00:29:30] horrible level of grief.

[00:29:32] Sally:And if you do, To his hope you will get through even that worst day. And you know what? [00:29:40] We have not because we asked not. And I'm going to plug this. Ask, ask that friend. I need to go to lunch today. I just need to go to lunch today. [00:29:50] Ask that friend. I can't drive somewhere today. I, I, I'm too confused.

[00:29:55] Sally: Would you drive me? Would you come spend the night? You know, whatever. And [00:30:00] I, I have several friends. I, I could ask any of those things to get me through that day. But those of you that are desperate, those of you that think I can't [00:30:10] do life anymore. I've been in the pit of depression. I have anxiety disorder.

[00:30:15]Sally: But girls and guys, all of you out there, [00:30:20] listen, that they're. We can get through today if you apply some of these things. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Someone to come [00:30:30] alongside of you. Go to your pastor, go to your counselor. You may not be sleeping. Get on something. I'm not promoting meds, but get on [00:30:40] something for a brief.

[00:30:40] Sally: Do what you need to survive. I call it survival. You, you're survi surviving in grief. Do what you [00:30:50] need each minute it'll be each day. I needed two empty Jim's closet out and my sister-in-law that was with me just was like [00:31:00] mortified that I would do that. And I said, I can't open that closet and smell his shirts.

[00:31:05] Sally:I can't. I kept one T-shirt, but I [00:31:10] see. And other people like I can't touch that for eight months. So it's survival mode. But you will get, there is light at the end of the tunnel. [00:31:20]

[00:31:20] Valerie: And like you said, I love what you said. At a point you realized you were healing is when you felt like you could live again.

[00:31:26] Valerie: Yes. So there will be a point where you will move from [00:31:30] surviving. In grief to thriving in grief. Yes. As I've once heard, you don't get over it. Nope. You get through it. You [00:31:40] continue to walk through it. It's always with you. But as you said, that surviving to thriving, that's, that's hope. Jesus, our hope, our living [00:31:50] hope will help move you from that survival to thriving, to coming alive again and then, Being that person that [00:32:00] can then hold hope for someone else.

[00:32:02] Valerie: You talked about sometimes I just needed to go out to lunch. Well, we can be those people. [00:32:10] Yes, we can be sometimes. Right? When, when somebody close to those experiences, the laws we're like, what do I do? What do I do? Just be just being available. Yes. Just being available for that [00:32:20] phone call. Say, Hey, will you go for a walk with me?

[00:32:22] Valerie: Will you take me out to lunch? Right. Can mean the world. 

[00:32:26] Sally: It can mean the world. So we need to be that person. [00:32:30] And like I said, your library will be full of experience, but Valerie, you can help someone who's had a suicide in the family. Yes, I can help [00:32:40] someone who's had a loss of a husband of 53 years and you know, so whatever it is, whether it was a death or just I can, I.[00:32:50]

[00:32:50] Sally:Minister, hopefully to a parent of a prodigal. And yeah. So God gives us these things not to be mean, but [00:33:00] so that the scripture that says so we can comfort others. I just wanted to end our, with this statement from my, my [00:33:10] book in the last chapter called What's. No one ever said that this grief journey is easy.

[00:33:16] Sally: It's hard and rugged, and it goes on and on. [00:33:20] But most days I see a rainbow. I feel loved by others, and especially by my father. I find his mercies [00:33:30] to be new every morning. I will make it through, but not without struggle. I can live with purpose, even with a hurting. [00:33:40] Even though I live with pain, I can look forward to the future.

[00:33:44] Sally: Some days. It takes everything in me to get up and find purpose. Grief [00:33:50]has no limit, no timeline. It's an individual journey that we each walk, but life does go on. [00:34:00]Eventually it'd be like waking up from a long sleep and you will feel again and laugh again and serve. And [00:34:10] find joy because he gives us joy for our morning.

[00:34:16] Sally:Amen. 

[00:34:17] Valerie: Amen. And again. [00:34:20] The, the book that Sally is referring to that she wrote is called The Dos and Don'ts of Grief, and you can find it on Amazon and we'll also put it [00:34:30]in the show notes. Sally, thank you. You always bless me as I know we both have been through the grief journey and are continuing Yes. To just [00:34:40] allow ourselves to be used by God to yes, bring hope and encouragement to others, and I hope that.

[00:34:46] Valerie: Those of you who are listening ha, feel, hope [00:34:50] we wanted that for you today. And if you even have been triggered or are struggling right now with grief, like Sally mentioned, reach out. Reach [00:35:00] out to a pastor, a friend, a trusted friend. Even me here, Valerie, reclaim story. You can email me at valerie m reclaim story.com.

[00:35:09] Valerie: We're [00:35:10] here for you. We are here. Even though our ministry and our team has experienced a loss with the death of Dan's husband, we are here. We are here for [00:35:20]you. We are here to walk with you through whatever you're experiencing, and I just wanted to add a little note. That we're going to have a little change with the podcast.

[00:35:29] Valerie: We're going to be doing [00:35:30] a biweekly podcast, so you'll, you'll get two episodes in April, two episodes in May, but we know that they're gonna be encouraging full of hope. You won't wanna miss them. I [00:35:40] know even in May, we're gonna be talking about mental health and the importance of that and being aware of.

[00:35:47] Valerie: What people may be struggling with. So again, thank you, [00:35:50] Sally. Thank you for 

[00:35:50] Sally: joining us. Oh, you're so welcome. You're so welcome. Be encouraged out there. Be encouraged wherever you are today. Yeah, 

[00:35:57] Valerie: and we'll see you same time, same place [00:36:00] in a couple weeks.

[00:36:05] Sally:: Thanks for listening. I pray you found hope in today's conversation [00:36:10] and maybe even feel a little less alone in your story. Stay connected with us on Facebook and Instagram at Reclaimed Story. Wanna learn more about [00:36:20] living a reclaimed life and how you can be a part of our growing community of reclaimers?

[00:36:24]Sally: Check out our website at reclaimed story dot. All of those links and more [00:36:30] will be in the show notes. And if you enjoy this inspirational podcast, be sure to subscribe, rate and review. Not only will you be the first one to know when new [00:36:40] content comes out, but it is also a huge help in helping us reach more people to live the reclaimed life.[00:36:50][00:37:00] [00:37:10] [00:37:20] [00:37:30] [00:37:40] [00:37:50] [00:38:00] [00:38:10]