How to Live Loved ~ Kimberley Lee Ep. 97

Have you ever felt unloved or unworthy of love? Sometimes, the source of love we pursue can leave us feeling more empty than filled. When God is the source of our love, we experience how lavishly loved and pursued we are by Him. We hope this episode with Kimberley Lee helps you to wake up every day, living loved. 

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Did you know we have a jewelry line that speaks to your identity in Jesus? CLICK HERE to shop. Every purchase helps support our mission to provide healing and hope to women worldwide.

Would you partner with us to spread the message of hope and healing? You can DONATE HERE. Living the Reclaimed Life is a Reclaimed Story, Inc. podcast, An Arizona non-profit corporation.

If you would like to connect with a safe group of women doing real-life together, join our private Facebook page, “Living the Reclaimed Life” or on Facebook or Instagram

Transcript

Transcript is autogenerated

[00:00:00] Valerie: If you have ever felt unloved or even unworthy of love, then it's possible that the source of love you have been pursuing has left you more empty than filled. But today we want to fill you with the truth that when we trust God as the source of love and we experience how lavishly loved and pursued we are by.

[00:00:28] Valerie: That we can wake up each and every day living loved. 

[00:00:33] Kimberly: Welcome to Living the Reclaimed Life podcast. I'm Danisha. We're glad you're here for conversations that revive hope, inspire healing, and encourage you to live a vibrant life with Christ. So grab a cup of coffee as we chat with today's guest. 

[00:00:50] Valerie: Hello everyone.

[00:00:51] Valerie: Welcome to Living the Reclaimed Life. This is Valerie today, and I have the awesome privilege of hosting our conversation with [00:01:00] my good friend Kimberly. Kimberly and I have known each other for quite a while. Probably a good over 15 years. We went to church together and we were in a group together where she got to share some of her story, which is why I am so glad to have her today.

[00:01:17] Valerie: And Kimberly was married to Brian Lee, who is a pastor here in Tucson, and she has. Three adult children. Welcome, Kimberly. I am so excited to have you here today. Thank you so much 

[00:01:29] Kimberly: for having me, Valerie. Not only do I love being here, but I love getting together and 

[00:01:33] Valerie: seeing you. Yes. , and we have been able to see each other more often lately.

[00:01:36] Valerie: We live on opposite sides of town, but God has just brought us Amen together in different circles, ministry circles, where we are both encouraging women. , I gotta tell you, friend, you encourage me and bless me every time we're together. So I know our listeners today are gonna be blessed, but we wanna begin today just having you share a little bit of [00:02:00] your story before you came to Christ.

[00:02:03] Valerie: We're talking this month. About identity, and as we share it in our last podcast, we're hitting on some statements that really define who we are in Christ, and one of them is that we are loved. But I want you to share with our listeners, Kimberly, what life was like before you experienced the love of Christ.

[00:02:26] Valerie: I love 

[00:02:27] Kimberly: talking about love , and you'll see why. Because of my story, I did not become a Christian until I was 23, and at the age of 23, I was in a really dark, deep place. I had just graduated from college. I had come from a past of abuse, addiction, mental illness. Physical abuse, mental abuse, just really hard time.

[00:02:50] Kimberly: Never have understood what healthy love looks like, what love looks like without strings, what love didn't look like without manipulation [00:03:00] or through either words or physical abuse. Definitely from a lot of the guys that I had dated and what love looked like surrounded by a bunch of lies. . So that's the place that I was coming from and just trying.

[00:03:12] Kimberly: Figure out what my next step with, I was on my way to join in the military and I had gotten in a car accident and now I was determining what next, what Now, my sister had invited me to go to church and I thought, why would I go to church? And she said, let's meet guys there. And I went, we can meet guys in a bar.

[00:03:29] Kimberly: And she's I know, but let's try church. And I thought, oh dear. So I went under duress. I didn't wanna go. And when I was there, I met Jesus. Such a profound way. It was dramatic. There was two options. Either I was crazy or I was hearing the voice of the Lord. And at this point in my life, it could have been either to be honest.

[00:03:49] Kimberly: And he just kept overwhelmingly talking about how much he loved me and I was so angry, if you are God, who. Why did this happen in my life? Why did my [00:04:00] grandma die? Why is my dad an alcoholic? Why is my mom mentally abusive? Why are the boyfriends physically abusive? Why is my life surrounded by so much death and darkness and lies and deception?

[00:04:11] Kimberly: And he kept just saying, but I love you and I've never. Never left you. You just didn't know I was there, but the whole time I was carrying you. And so every tear that you cried, I have collected in my hands. And if you will trust me, I will never leave you. I will never forsake you if you follow me. That is how God pursued me and it started in love and but yet I still had no idea and or understood that.

[00:04:40] Kimberly: So he pursued me with love, but we spent a lot of time working of deciding like, ,, but what does love mean? And how can I receive this kind of love? Do I believe it and can I trust it? When you grow up the way I did, trust is not even a part of it. And so that is where my journey [00:05:00] started.

[00:05:00] Kimberly: With 

[00:05:00] Valerie: God. Yeah. And I love how you said pursue, because unlike you, I grew up and. Pretty stable home and knowing from, two or three years old, Jesus loves me . Yes, I know Jesus loves me. The Bible's told me but yet I have still found that in my Christian walk, there has been a distorted view of somehow I have to be good.

[00:05:23] Valerie: I have to be the good Christian girl. I can't mess up, I can't be angry. I can't struggle with this or struggle with that because then somehow, , I will lose God's love. So how did God's pursuing love? Start to heal those lies and heal that lack of trust, like what were some tangible examples of how you experienced that pursuing love after you accepted Christ?

[00:05:50] Valerie: One 

[00:05:50] Kimberly: of the ways he did that was when, although I still was so unsure and I didn't understand trust and I didn't understand love, [00:06:00] every time I would go to him, I would. Feel like I got a little more understanding or I would hear 'em. Although a lot of, reading the Bible was very confusing. I was in a group at church that I started going to and I met this guy Brian, and at first I actually was like, Hey, I don't know if I'm actually a fan of you , but again, Brian started pursuing me.

[00:06:24] Kimberly: He was only 20 years old and he was a good. Imitator and reflector of Jesus' love at the time. Not perfect. He was very raw. He was 20, but he was showing me like a kindness that I had not seen before. And so as I was walking in this journey with understanding God's love, Brian was pursuing me, showing the kind of love that he had grown up with and the kind of love that he understood from God.

[00:06:53] Kimberly: So we were on this journey together, although I still struggled with, I'm not worthy of this love. I'm not worthy of [00:07:00] this attention from Brian. I'm not worthy. of anything more than what I already knew. A lot of time in my life I thought, does is anybody love me? And now I had a God who says he loves me and a guy who says, who loves me, how do I not get those out of order and what does it all mean?

[00:07:18] Kimberly: And so Brian started talking marriage early on in six months and I was like whoa. And I remember saying, Hey, so you are actually really easy to love. But I don't know if I know how. See, love. That was such an important part of this journey, is that the more I started knowing God, I was like, okay, this God is a God that, what kind of God sends his son to die in the cross?

[00:07:44] Kimberly: What kind of God sends his son? out of this bubble of perfect love and sends him to hang out with his messy life in humanity in this world, I can trust that God. And then what kind of guy is this [00:08:00] Brian, who pursued me and loved me, and he's fun and kind, and he's a gentleman and he loves Jesus. That's pretty easy to love, but can I receive it?

[00:08:11] Kimberly: So I spent the next two years, Lord, how do I receive your love? How can I grow in your love? And he just really showed me that he's the creator of me. and he's the source of love. So as I tap in more to his love, who he is, love, there's an outflow and there's an outpouring of love in my life. So it was really a lot of time before I was able, and again, definitely the last 25 years of following Jesus of understanding, being connected to the source of.

[00:08:47] Valerie: That's so good. And on this podcast many times, Kimberly, we've talked about shame. And how shame can just keep us paralyzed from feeling worthy to [00:09:00] receive. So share with us a little bit about, cuz I'm sure you had a lot of shame, right? Just from, and even as you started to develop a relat.

[00:09:09] Valerie: Brian, what were some ways that shame started to shatter in your life and how God's pursuant unconditional love was part of that? . 

[00:09:20] Kimberly: Oh yes. So I came obviously from this dark and broken past, and Brian grew up in the church a lot like you. Loved dearly by many, and so it was opposite ends of the spectrum.

[00:09:31] Kimberly: One of the amazing things about Brian is. He never, and I didn't understand it at the time, and I do understand it now, was he never used my past or brought up my past against me. Otherwise, I could not have kept dating him and I kept going, how does this young guy not at least in a fight or in a moment, go, excuse me?

[00:09:53] Kimberly: Do you remember this from your past? Do you remember? From your past. He never did that, which helped me [00:10:00] receive his love more. His love ended up being a lot more trustworthy and from God. I started learning that anytime I heard or I felt the shame, or I heard an accusation or reminder of my past, I started discerning or realizing that was from the enemy.

[00:10:20] Kimberly: The enemy is an accuser. , the enemy is a liar. The enemy is deceiver. And I know he was trying to bring me back into slavery to bring me back into the darkness. But those of us who've experienced such profound darkness, one of the gifts we've been given is we know what it looks like. We know what it tastes like.

[00:10:43] Kimberly: We know what it feels like, which seems like a deficit, but it's actually not. It can be a gift because I lived. so deeply, I knew I never wanted to go back there. And so it started being like, wait a minute. This is [00:11:00] familiar. I'm not going back there. Oh, this sounds familiar. No. And I would literally fight against, I'm not going back there.

[00:11:07] Kimberly: I'm not going back to Egypt. I'm not going back to that darkness. And I. Keep repeating the promises of God. He said he loved me. He said he would never leave me. He said he loved me so much. He sent his son to die on the cross. He said, I just kept going to the Bible and picking out his promises and claiming it, and it wasn't that I was in a Bible study or had heard this.

[00:11:29] Kimberly: I just was like, no, my life depends on this word. My life depends on these promises, and I am. Going back. So that's how, when the shame kept popping up, cuz it creeps up in the weirdest moments I knew. , it smelled and tastes familiar, and I just refused to go back, so it ended up being a gift. 

[00:11:53] Valerie: Oh, I love that.

[00:11:54] Valerie: I've never quite heard the description of how our past as painful [00:12:00] or dark can be a gift. I We talk a lot about, how God can use our pain for good and for purpose, but I love that just being able to see it as, I know what this is I know the counterfeit. , I know what's not true and how that kept you from being held by that shame of your past.

[00:12:18] Valerie: And oh, I love that, Kimberly. So good. So you talked about a deficit, right? Yeah. How, when you started getting to know Brian , and here was this man who imitated Christ's love. In such a trustworthy way. , I want you to share with us, because obviously a big part of your testimony is the last few years having lost Brian.

[00:12:41] Valerie: So share a little bit with us now that you're married to Brian. Yep. Neither of you are perfect, but you entered marriage and a lot of that deficit had been filled. But in your marriage, how did you continue to experience. the love of Christ. And what did that [00:13:00] look like? Especially for our audience who may be in marriages that are loveless and feeling a lack of love.

[00:13:07] Valerie: So encourages with that part of your story. So after 

[00:13:11] Kimberly: Brian and I got married, we were relatively young and at this point we knew that this was something that we were gonna do and it had been three years. . And we still had a choice though, because we're still coming as two broken people into this marriage.

[00:13:31] Kimberly: And I remember when something clicked to me and he had come home from work and we had three kids under three and a half and there was so much wrong with the day. And I just was unloading. And he walked in and I literally felt like I heard God. Will he want to be here every day if you continue this, and I was all, but you don't understand my day and da.

[00:13:55] Kimberly: And he's you can build a case. Against your day and you can build a case of all the things he's not [00:14:00] doing. But I've got a different way. So one of my prayers was, Lord take my critical spirit and throw it away. I grew up in critical spirit and I could use my words very critically, and I could use my thought process very critically.

[00:14:17] Kimberly: Lord. Could you help me see my husband the way you do? And that was a constant and consistent prayer. It wasn't like I acted like everything was hunky dory all the time, but I took my critical spirit and I had God transformed that with the renewing of my mind to constantly see. And my prayer was, Lord remind.

[00:14:41] Kimberly: Of why I fell in love with Brian. Remind me continually to see him in your light and the goodness in this man. And it was a choice because life just gets to you and you can focus on so many of the critical things. He did not take out the trash consistently and just kept buying bigger garbage cans. [00:15:00] Sometimes his time management wasn't good, but I remember that after I had Lake.

[00:15:04] Kimberly: Pretty broken. Laken is my first child, our daughter, and the care and the concern and the kindness that he took care of. Laken and I in every way possible that you would think after I had a baby. And so when the socks were all over and the garbage wasn't out, or he didn't come home exactly when he said he was going to, cuz he was ministering to a guy on the side of the road.

[00:15:28] Kimberly: The Lord would bring up pictures of yes, but remember this. Remember that he never has used your past against you. Remember when he brought you to the bathroom every single day for six weeks because you couldn't walk after you had your daughter. Remember that when you first got married, he asked you what is something you never wanna do the rest of your life?

[00:15:47] Kimberly: And I said, I don't wanna clean a toilet. And I never had to again remember those things. And he constantly, and it was a prayer of mine. to my mind of remember this, instead [00:16:00] of all the reasons that he wasn't doing certain things. And that really, again, was another gift of how Brian and I chose to not live parallel lives, but to be in union with God and to try to stay face to.

[00:16:15] Kimberly: Face with our creator and face-to-face with each other, even when it was hard. And how that played out in our marriage even more is Brian had a huge servant heart. Not necessarily because that's how he was raised, but because it was what he chose. And one of his mantras was, how could I wake up and serve my wife every day?

[00:16:40] Kimberly: And being around that for so many years, it's hard to be around that and be like me. When he just constantly was serving me and serving our kids and serving the community, it compelled me to be a better person. It compelled me to how can I serve my husband even when I [00:17:00] want to throw a fit?

[00:17:00] Kimberly: And how can I serve, other my children when they're driving me crazy. So that's where he would love me absurdly. He would do things like, I didn't wanna drive to work because I was having a bad day and it was 20 minutes away. He would drive me when it didn't make sense and go out of his way because it was better to be together and offer me support than for his busyness and his schedule.

[00:17:23] Kimberly: One of his other sayings was Kimberly people before projects. . And now sometimes that meant things didn't get done around. Or some things in ministry didn't get done, but there wasn't a day that I didn't go to bed, Valerie, and that I didn't feel loved. Even if we were fighting, he would make sure to put a hand or a toe or an ankle somewhere touching me to say, Hey, I'm here, Kimberly.

[00:17:46] Kimberly: And I am not leaving. So Brian continually showed up in our marriage, even when it didn't make sense, and it was because of how closely he was tied to Jesus. The only way [00:18:00] Brian could love me the way he did was because of the way that he loved Jesus and the way Jesus loved. . 

[00:18:07] Valerie: And I love how in our conversation today, we've talked about that pursuing love of Christ, and to me, that's what service is, right?

[00:18:15] Valerie: Amen. When we choose to serve someone else, We are pursuing them in love, right? We're putting down our interest, our needs. And that's what, jesus says, I did not come to be served but to serve. And I think even in my own marriage, I struggle with that. It's but what about me, , what about me?

[00:18:36] Valerie: But what about me? And I even wrote a children's book, . . I need to read it again today, guys, about that me first attitude. Really, that's what, and I even. Full disclosure here. I had a counselor once tell me, you have a me root. I'm like a me root. Like we all have those, roots of sin.

[00:18:55] Valerie: It's like we need to figure out what those roots are like why is this behavior [00:19:00] consistent? And there's usually a root. And she's you have a me root. You're thinking, okay, how can my needs be met first before I give love? And that is such a dangerous place to live in relat. Because if we are continually dependent on I will pursue, I will serve.

[00:19:17] Valerie: I will love if I receive first, we'll live selfishly. The whole idea of receiving is, like you said, Brian knew how to love you so well because he knew how to receive. Amen. So well from the father, right from Jesus first. So share a little bit more about you talk about that face-to-face here.

[00:19:39] Valerie: You came in with, a love deficit into the relationship. And Brian, although not perfect as nobody's, perfect, still had a little bit more of his tank, was fuller than yours. But even in your marriage, you talk about that you continue to stay face-to-face with a father. So share a little bit of how.

[00:19:59] Valerie: [00:20:00] especially for those who may be struggling in their marriages or in relationships. , how do you continue to grow in the father's love as you're loving each other? What does that look like as a married couple or in relationship to continue to grow in the father's love? 

[00:20:17] Kimberly: I believe in Psalms nine 10 talks about, if , you will trust God.

[00:20:22] Kimberly: So I had to grow up. , I had to grow up and really pursue knowing God, who is this God? And there's so many facets to him, and I had to learn to listen to his voice. He's a God that speaks. . And so when I wanted to throw a fit or I wanted to do my own way, or I wanted this, again, it was the I, God.

[00:20:43] Kimberly: How about you put the eye down and you start doing a we . it was the dependence on understanding God's love that I was able to love Brian out of that. And it was not easy. And this was not the first few years. This was over [00:21:00] years of making the constant choice to, Lord, let me see him the way you do.

[00:21:05] Kimberly: What do you want me to know? Where do I need to grow? One of the times I'm a little, Loud and exuberant. And I remember I was being very vocal, which means yelling. God gave me another gift. And I looked at Brian's face and I saw his eyes. Really saw his eyes as I'm yelling. And I was right. Wasn't that I wasn't right?

[00:21:28] Kimberly: And God said, do you wanna be right or do you wanna be married? Do you wanna be right or do you wanna be. And look in his eyes, Kimberly, you are crushing his spirit with these loud yelling words. And I looked up at him and I went, I don't wanna be this person. I don't wanna be this screaming, yelling wife, Lord, help me.

[00:21:52] Kimberly: And immediately I was able to stop and say, Brian, I don't wanna be that. [00:22:00] I'm so sorry, and I confess and ask forgiveness. Now, that didn't mean I was perfect. My natural bent, whether I'm tired or frustrated or overwhelmed or fearful is I would yell, but the Lord was so gracious to if I would trust in him and I would.

[00:22:18] Kimberly: stop thinking in my own ways and think in his ways, and look for what he was doing, that I didn't wanna crush my husband's spirit, even if I was right. And so it was that constant pursuit of what does God want me to know? That I don't know. I had to acknowledge there was a lot I didn't know. And I wanted to do things according to his will and his.

[00:22:41] Kimberly: Instead of mine, because mine is, even though sometimes I'm right, it didn't work well and it wasn't producing the fruit of the spirit that I wanted. The kindness, the gentleness, the self-control. Those are the things that I wanted more of. And so we moved to the point [00:23:00]where my life doesn't make sense unless we talk about this absurd love first from God and then from.

[00:23:11] Kimberly: but it had to stay in that order. It had to be from God first. And that's where my source of love came from, not Brian. And a lot of times as women, we get that out of order and we want our husbands to be the one that's filling our love cup and our love quotient. . And they are our everything. And although Brian was my soulmate, he was half of my heart.

[00:23:32] Kimberly: He was my best friend. He was my partner in life. The minute I got those out of order, my expectations of Brian became too much. That we really have to keep God being the source of love, not expecting our husbands to fill that bucket. Yeah. 

[00:23:51] Valerie: Well in, in 2020 you lost your soulmate. And so how [00:24:00] fitting that we transition, especially in sharing such a hard part of your life, because as you said this, you knew that you had to keep that in order, right?

[00:24:11] Valerie: You had to keep receiving God's love first. and then Brian's love was such a bonus. But share with us about that, about losing Brian and since then, what your journey has been like and having such a great loss of love. But then how is it that you can still live, loved. July 

[00:24:36] Kimberly: of 2020. Brian tragically passed away at the age of 45.

[00:24:40] Kimberly: It was seven and we were all home and it was pretty horrifying and I literally felt like the air and my breath in my lungs. Was completely sucked out of me. To experience such profound love and then to experience such profound loss was [00:25:00] devastating of epic proportions. And what I. Had to lean on when I couldn't hear or see or think or feel anything but despair is I had to take God at his word, like I did 30 years ago when I started following him.

[00:25:19] Kimberly: Is he the God who he says he is my life verse or Isaiah 61, 1 through four. And in those verses he says, I promised to bind up the broken hearted. I had to take him at his word, if that's his promise. Then that's what he said he was gonna do. I knew he said he was gonna bind up the broken hearted. He also says that he wants to set the cap free and release the prisoners from darkness.

[00:25:43] Kimberly: I was back in utter darkness without my husband, who was so much of my everything, and I had to claim that promise. He said, I will redeem your family, Kimberly. I will not leave you. I will not forsake you. I had to trust him. To know [00:26:00] him is to trust him. I do know him, and so I had to go back to what do I know is true, and in verse two, it talks about he's gonna take mourning and turn it to joy, although that seemed impossible at that time.

[00:26:15] Kimberly: My joy is not shakeable. It cannot be taken because it is not dependent on my circumstances. It is dependent on my Jesus. He promises joy from mourning. He promises beauty from ashes. He promises comfort and despair, and so that is what I clung to and claimed, even when everything around me seemed to be literally falling apart.

[00:26:44] Kimberly: I. Was able to clinging to the promises of Jesus. And he told me, Kimberly, stand firm, and I was like, I can't stand. What are you talking about? And he is I know, but I can't. He said, if your [00:27:00] life reflected me in the love you had with Brian and the treasure I gave you, then your life needs to reflect me in your paint.

[00:27:10] Kimberly: Which leads me to verse three is that, and there will be. Oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord and the display of his splendor. . And it will be done in your pain, Kimberly. And so that didn't make sense to me. Lord, I can't stand, how will I display your splendor? And he goes, I will do it.

[00:27:31] Kimberly: Through your pain, my glory will rise. If you keep testifying to who I am and my promises and what has happened in your life, I will display my splendor in your pain. Do you trust me? And I do. Do you love me? Oh, yes I do. Even when everything is falling apart. Oh yes. I. So I chose [00:28:00] absurd love. I chose to clinging to that Jesus that died on the cross for me, even in my darkest hour.

[00:28:09] Kimberly: And he is a God who shows up. He is a God who fulfills his promises. He is a God who will never leave or forsake me. So anything that I am able to do, I don't want people to say, oh, she's so strong. I'm not strong, withered up and died with Brian. But what I do is I clinging too, and I hold on so tightly to the hand of my Heavenly Father.

[00:28:33] Kimberly: He is strong. So how I keep showing up every day is because he shows. And that's who I lean into. So I am not strong, but my Jesus is 

[00:28:45] Valerie: Amen. . So as you've lived each day and your kids, you've lived each day without Brian. And going back to that word pursue, which I'm a pursuer, so I'm a pursuer in relationships.

[00:28:58] Valerie: And so how has [00:29:00] God tangibly pursued you with his. each day as, like you said, when your breath is taken away, when you wake up, when the alarm goes off and you're like, I'd just rather stay in bed, right? I'd rather not face the world, face the day. I'm sure you've even had Jesus, just take me home.

[00:29:17] Valerie: Like absolutely. Like this is too hard. So how has God, Pursued you and even your kids with his love. As you've been walking this road of grief, share with us some, cuz I know you have some incredible examples of how God has and even how a Christ-like community has come along and pursued you guys with the love of the.

[00:29:44] Valerie: Before I wake up 

[00:29:45] Kimberly: every day because opening my eyes is painful. Knowing that my husband is not next to me, I can barely breathe. And I literally say this every day before I open my eyes. Lord, what do you want me to do? [00:30:00] Give me your breath. And I open my eyes and I say, Lord, what do you want me to do?

[00:30:06] Kimberly: And he says, get up. I exchanged the what I am. and I listen to him, and as I rely on him literally to open my eyes and give me the breath and the will to stand up and start my day, I become dependent on following him closer. What does he want me to do? What does he not want me to do? , I have to ask him, almost childlike, do I do this?

[00:30:32] Kimberly: Do I do that? Not, do I wear blue pants or that ? But it's, do I come to this podcast? What do you want me to say? Will you guide me? Will you lead me? And he promises, which leads me to verse four, that he wants to restore, renew, rebuild, and redeem generations that have been. Cities that have been destroyed, families that are dying and marriages that are being destroyed.

[00:30:59] Kimberly: [00:31:00] He wants to renew and redeem and restore all of that. So he has put on my heart that if I keep dependent on him, that's what he wants to do. And when I've told you that I can't stand up. I've had people that have surrounded me, that have held me up on days that I couldn't, and some of that is by a text, a phone call.

[00:31:20] Kimberly: Some of it has been absurd paying off a bill, coming and cutting a tree down so it doesn't grow into my power lines. It is sharing. Stories of Brian. I got stopped the other day in this story and someone shared a story and it just reminded me and blessed me that my husband is not forgotten. I was at Lawson school and he'd just won an award, and the teacher said to Lawson, your dad made such an impact on my life, and these are the words that he said to me.

[00:31:48] Kimberly: I just want you to know that your dad is really proud of you. And afterwards, I asked laws. Lawson, what did that mean? And he goes, that the way you live your life matters. And even three years, almost three [00:32:00] years that dad's been gone, the way he lived his life mattered. It had a ripple effect. So these are the things that, you're sharing about how Brian impacted your life to his wife and his kids, and it's reminding them.

[00:32:15] Kimberly: Of the way that his life mattered, which shows his sons and his daughter that, hey, the way you live, your life matters. In this community, it is people helping pay off the house. I don't talk about that a lot. , but I don't think it's just in a casserole. I think that when we're talking about a God that lavishes and loves, it is helping that my family isn't struggling to the brink of, non-existence every single day because of that.

[00:32:46] Kimberly: And so what is God asking you to do when you come across, widows and orphans and not in this abstract way? , he calls us to do things big. And small, and they [00:33:00] all matter. What he doesn't call us to do is to walk away, ignore and minimize. What he doesn't walk away is for it to be about our comfort.

[00:33:09] Kimberly: Grief is awkward and we have to press into it. We need to learn in the western culture how to grieve better with others. It doesn't last a year. People ask me this all the time, is it easier Time heals all wounds. Please stop saying. Time does not heal all wounds, but Jesus does.

[00:33:29] Kimberly: Jesus does time. It is harder without Brian now, it is our more of a reality. But what he does is he makes these promises that he will never leave in forsake you. And those are what I clean to, but there's no time continuum with grief. . . But he knows he loves us too much for us to stay stuck in the despair.

[00:33:49] Kimberly: Yeah. So I'm hoping that kind of encourages and makes sense to people. Oh, for 

[00:33:54] Valerie: sure. For sure. And even as we wrap up our conversation today, Kimberly, thank [00:34:00] you so much. , I have a whole page of notes right now. Because just, you've spoken to so many things that I. I struggle with even on a daily basis of just, again, you said just these words that I'm clinging to of remember, I think of the Israelites, right?

[00:34:14] Valerie: Like, why did they wander so long in the desert, right? Because they forgot. . And how we need to remember, like you said, when the enemy wants to remind us of our past, we must remember who God says we are. Amen. We must remember his faithfulness, and when we wake up and feel. unloved and feel unworthy.

[00:34:34] Valerie: We must remember that God pursued us and continues to pursue us. Amen. . Kimberly, what would you say to women listening that are listening? And you've touched on so many pain points I know many of us can relate to of whether we've grown up with a deficit or not, or we've all experienced pain and hurt from [00:35:00] other people, right?

[00:35:00] Valerie: Because we're imperfect and we've hurt others and we've been hurt, and sometimes we operate out of that hurt. So what would you say to the woman listening? Who is having a hard time right now feeling loved or feeling lovable? If you were sitting across from her right now, even as you look at me, what would you say?

[00:35:23] Valerie: What would be that truth that she can hold onto today that she can trust? That you've got 

[00:35:30] Kimberly: a heavenly Father, that when you are in your darkest times, that you can crawl up into his lap and you could press your forehead to his forehead, and you can be forehead to forehead with your Heavenly Father. And as you breathe in his love, his truth, and the way that he sees you, and literally as you're getting this picture of forehead to forehead with the king.

[00:35:55] Kimberly: that you just rest in, what is he telling you and how does he see you? And [00:36:00] his amazing, sacrificial love that literally to practice climbing up into his lap and going forehead to forehead with the king, the creator, your heavenly father. My life doesn't make sense without this kind of relationship. My showing up every day, even though I'm shattered, doesn't make sense without being able to go forehead to forehead with my.

[00:36:24] Kimberly: And so that is what I would say to the woman who has no hope or cannot see or feel love is it is there. Just press in forehead to forehead no matter how uncomfortable, and God will respond and God is there and just to have hope and how this isn't, this kind of love is not just for me. This kind of love is for all of his children.

[00:36:50] Kimberly: I'm not a special. I just chose to receive his love, but it's there for all of us. My life doesn't make sense [00:37:00] without this absurd love forehead def forward with Jesus. And when you look at where I should be and how I should be responding in life coming from such brokenness and darkness, and then you look at me now, there is no answer but Jesus.

[00:37:16] Valerie: Amen. Amen. Amen. Thank you, Kimberly. Thank you, Valerie. I can't think of a better way to end than that, but I just want to encourage everyone again to know how much you are absurdly love today, absurdly love by your crater, by your heavenly Father, and make a choice to go love absurdly today. Thank you, Kimberly, and we will see you all same time, same place next week.

[00:37:45] Kimberly: Thanks for listening. I pray you found hope in today's conversation and maybe even feel a little less alone in your story. Stay connected with us on Facebook and Instagram at Reclaimed Story. Wanna learn more [00:38:00] about living a reclaimed life and how you can be a part of our growing community of reclaimers?

[00:38:04] Kimberly: Check out our website at reclaimed story dot. All of those links and more will be in the show notes. And if you enjoy this inspirational podcast, be sure to subscribe, rate and review. Not only will you be the first one to know when new content comes out, but it is also a huge help in helping us reach more people to live the reclaimed life.[00:39:00]