Living the Reclaimed Life

When You Feel Unloveable ~ Valerie L. McMahon Ep. 90

January 23, 2023 Season 2 Episode 90
Living the Reclaimed Life
When You Feel Unloveable ~ Valerie L. McMahon Ep. 90
Show Notes Transcript

Have you ever asked yourself, "Why does God love me?" The truth is God loves you infinitely. Nothing can stop Him from loving you. But knowing it and believing it is two different things.  In this episode, we will talk about three keys to believing that  God loves you and experiencing how He loves you.

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CLICK HERE to shop. Every purchase helps support our mission to provide healing and hope to women worldwide.

Would you partner with us to spread the message of hope and healing? You can
DONATE HERE. Living the Reclaimed Life is a Reclaimed Story, Inc. podcast, An Arizona non-profit corporation.

If you would like to connect with a safe group of women doing real-life together, join our private Facebook page,
“Living the Reclaimed Life” or on Facebook or Instagram

Transcript is autogenerated.

[00:00:00] Denisha: Have you ever asked yourself, why does God love me? The truth is, God loves you infinitely and nothing can stop him from loving you. But knowing it and believing it are two different things. Three keys to believing that God loves you is experiencing the ways that he loves you, and that is that he walks with.

[00:00:23] Denisha: He stops for you and he talks to you. So we hope that you are encouraged today as Valerie and I talk about who is God when I feel unlovable. Welcome to Living the Reclaim Life podcast. I'm Danisha. We're glad you're here for conversations that revive hope, inspire healing, and encourage you to live a vibrant life with Christ.

[00:00:46] Denisha: So grab a cup of coffee as we chat with today's. Valerie, these last couple episodes, it has been really fun talking together about who is God. 

[00:00:59] Valerie: We [00:01:00] think we know who God is. Yeah. But often I think our view is skewed. Right. And that's what we've been talking about is when hard things happen, when things happen in life that are hard or that we don't expect, that our view of who God is can get skewed.

[00:01:16] Valerie: And let's see, we've talked about. Who is God when you're hurting, when you feel hopeless and hurting? And we talked about how God is merciful that you wake up no matter what you're going through. And His mercy is new. His grace is new, his love, his provision. Anything that you need is new every single morning.

[00:01:37] Valerie: And then next we talked about who is God when you're fearful and worried, and who is God? We talked about 

[00:01:43] Denisha: him being trustworthy. . And one of the things that has really stuck with me since the last time we did an episode from last week that would've gone out as episode 89 was that God is all, he remains the same.

[00:01:56] Denisha: Yes. And that if he did it before he can do it again. That has really stuck with [00:02:00] me personally. I'm like, okay, yeah, I've reflected back on that a lot and today we're gonna talk about who is God when you. Unlovable. Mm. And you know, we know that one John four eight tells us that God is love. Yeah. Right? So he is a loving God.

[00:02:18] Denisha: Yes. And we talked about a lot of people fill in that blank. God is blank. Good? Mm-hmm. God is love. But what does that mean when we take it? The eight inches from our head to our hearts. Yeah. What does that mean? In, in one Corinthians chapter 13, we have a definition of what love is. So if God is love, then love is patient.

[00:02:42] Denisha: Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not easily proud. It does not dishonor others. It is not self-seeking, and it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Huh? How many times do we think God has this huge tapestry filled with our [00:03:00] wrongs? Yeah, but he doesn't. It says that our sins are as far away from the east as from the west.

[00:03:06] Denisha: Verse six says, love does not delight and evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always. It always trusts, it always hopes, and it always perseveres. Love. Never fail. and God never fails. I think so many of the problems that we see us walking through can be tied to an unhealthy relationship to our earthly father because when we talk about a heavenly Father, mm-hmm.

[00:03:31] Denisha: a lot of times we put the attributes that we've experienced in our life on God and what do we call that? We've heard that called. Daddy 

[00:03:40] Valerie: issues. Yeah. Daddy issues. Yeah. Yep. Well, it's like I was saying, just like our view of God can be skewed by our circumstances, our view of God and who he is as a loving father is skewed by the kind of relationship you had with your father, even your mother.

[00:03:56] Valerie: And I love my dad. I am thankful that my [00:04:00] dad and mom, Still with me on this earth. Like I've shared, we lost my brother, but they are just fantastic parents. I've been so blessed to grow up with a mom and dad who loved the Lord and who taught me about God from a very early age. And I love my dad. He's always been a good provider.

[00:04:17] Valerie: Um, caring, loving, um, but nobody's perfect, right? . And, and he had a tough upbringing. His dad was in. Army traveled. He was raised by his uncle, and he had a tough upbringing, but he worked really hard. He was an achiever. He went to law school. He was a retired attorney. And so I think that value of working hard and kind of proving yourself, it made him feel lovable, right?

[00:04:40] Valerie: It made him feel worthy. But when I was growing up, I felt like the times that he was the most verbal and gave me the most praise was when I achieved something, you know? Kind of an overachiever. I always wanted to make the a, I was a perfectionist. I wanted to do well in school. And so I think for me, having that attribute of my dad, [00:05:00] of, okay, I get praise when I do something well, when I perform well, when I achieve good grades.

[00:05:06] Valerie: I was the first woman, I think, first woman in our family to graduate from college, so that was a big deal. , but it's easy to, even our loving parents, you know, they can pass down things that, you know, maybe we interpret in a different way. And so I have seen how now with God, I often feel I have to achieve for God.

[00:05:27] Valerie: I have to perform for God. , I should know better. I was just sharing this with a group of ladies recently, as we're going through the book. The Cure is that I feel like when sometimes I sin or I fail, I hear this voice says, Valerie, you should know better. You know? And then I try even harder to achieve and be that good girl and that good Christian girl again.

[00:05:47] Valerie: And so sometimes I see God as this father that, okay, if I'm doing good, if I'm being the good Christian girl, then he's pleased with me. And the truth is he's pleased with. All the [00:06:00] time. And so, yeah, so sometimes I think we do, I mean all of us have different circumstances, different relationships with our moms and dads, but that is definitely one way that can affect our view of God is how our upbringing was or how we interpreted certain things.

[00:06:15] Valerie: And I think there's two different types of people out there, right? Tanisha, and I think I've been both of these, , is that, you know, there's people like me, like I grew up in a Christian home. . I know that God is good. I know God is love. I know God loves me. So there's the shouters, right? It's like, yes, I know God loves me.

[00:06:35] Valerie: I'm a child of God. Nothing's ever gonna change that, right? And then there's the doubters. If God is a loving father, why would he love me? Doesn't he know my past? Doesn't he know what I've done? And the thing is, even the most faithful shouters as I've been in my life, can become doubters. , and I 

[00:06:55] Denisha: think sometimes too it comes to our mind knowing, I've read in the word that God [00:07:00] loves me.

[00:07:00] Denisha: Yes. I know that for He loved me that he sacrificed his son. Yes. Right? Yes. Mm-hmm. , we know that God is love, but am I living that out? Right. That's one of our passions. Mm-hmm. is we know that our stories have been reclaimed, which is rescued and restored. But are we always living out? Are we living that reclaimed life?

[00:07:19] Denisha: Are we living out that love of God in our life? And I can say there's a tension for me between the shouter and the doubter. You know, if we have a really fiery sermon on Sundays, and I'm like, you know, God loves you. We are children of God. I'm like, yes. You know, and then Monday I'll be like, oh, but I just did this yesterday.

[00:07:39] Denisha: Or I will doubt. But if God loved me, why didn't? and I have all of this like wrestling, so there's like a tension in me. So I would say that yeah, shouters can become doubters and doubters can be shouters, and I might be a shouter and a doubter in the exact same moment in my life. 

[00:07:57] Valerie: Yeah. And so if you have ever [00:08:00] wondered or doubted if God has ever loved you, if you have desperately searched for approval, affirmation, or acceptance, or perhaps you just need to.

[00:08:11] Valerie: That somebody actually loves. We want you to keep listening. You know, we're gonna talk about fathers today and I do have a cute story about my dad, about me. And so I was a child of the eighties and does anybody remember Slurpees? I don't know. Do you? seven 11. I grew up in California. You're from California, so seven elevens were on every corner and like that was right.

[00:08:34] Valerie: That's what the dads do. Like dads go and take the kids out. Spoil them with sugar. So my dad liked to take my brother and I out for Slurpees, and one time we were walking out of a seven-eleven and my dad just said, I spoil you kids. And I looked at my dad and I said, well, that's why we like you, daddy . I think he still reminds me of that.

[00:08:55] Valerie: But you know, we wanna encourage you guys today that you have a [00:09:00]heavenly. Who spoils you. He spoils you with his love. And our key verse that talks about that is one John three, one, it says, see what great love the father has lavished, spoiled lavished on us that we should be called. The children of God.

[00:09:19] Valerie: And we're gonna look at a time in scripture when Jesus interacted with a father. And this passage of scripture holds one of my favorite stories. And we're gonna talk about how this story of this father and this little girl interacts with one of my favorite stories, but I'm gonna read it to you, and it's from Luke eight.

[00:09:38] Valerie: Says now, when Jesus returned, a crowd welcomed him for they were all expecting him. Then a man named Gyrus, a synagogue leader, which was like a religious leader, came and fell at Jesus' feet, pleading with him to come to his house because his only daughter, a girl of about 12 was dying. As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him, and a woman [00:10:00] was there who had been subject to bleeding for 12 years.

[00:10:03] Valerie: but no one could heal her. She came up from behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped. You guys, you see, Jesus was walking with gyrus to his house. So this was a father, a desperate father who had heard about Jesus. He came and he said, Jesus, I need you to come to my house.

[00:10:22] Valerie: I need you to come. My daughter is dying. But here's the thing, you. Jesus stopped. Right? He stopped. He was in this pressing crowd of followers and he felt somebody touch him, and we're gonna get back to that in a moment. Imagine with me if you were gyrus. Imagine that you are desperate. You are just like, Your daughter's dying.

[00:10:45] Valerie: You want Jesus to come, don't you think? Gyrus, Danisha would've wondered, okay, what is Jesus doing? Like, mm-hmm. like he's stopping. Like, doesn't he know the urgency of my need? Right? Don't you know, we pray to Jesus all the time like, God, [00:11:00] don't you know what's going on in my life? Like, why aren't you intervene?

[00:11:03] Valerie: One must believe that Gyrus was a little disappointed. Right. If not disillusioned with Jesus, um, he may have even been thinking, Hey, I risked my reputation here on Jesus. Like the religious leaders were kind of on the fence about who this Jesus was and whether he was causing trouble, or doing good things.

[00:11:22] Valerie: So he risked his reputation and he could have been thinking, he's letting me down. You know, you could even conclude like we've been talking about that in that moment, his view of Jesus changed, and this can happen to us too. Maybe you guys, maybe someone has disappointed you and let you down. I think probably all of us could share at least somebody that has in our life.

[00:11:46] Valerie: Maybe it was your dad who abandoned you and your family, or maybe it was a friend who betrayed you by spreading gossip about. Maybe it was a teacher or coach who said you just wouldn't amount to much, [00:12:00] you know, somebody at some time said something that hurt you, that made you feel unlovable and unworthy, and now it has impacted what you believe God thinks of you.

[00:12:12] Valerie: There are three ways that our earthly relationships can impact our view of our Heavenly Father. Danisha. There's a lie and then there's a truth of God's word. You know, one of the lies that we believe is that God is judgmental. Right. We were kind of talking about that I think is that sometimes we view God as like sitting on this big chair saying like, okay, you did it again.

[00:12:38] Valerie: You made that mistake again. But God is compassionate you guys. The truth is we may view God as judgemental. But he's compassionate. He's like a father to his children, a tender, compassionate father to those who fear him. Yes, he will judge us one day, but we have Jesus to think we have Jesus' blood covering our mistakes [00:13:00] and our sins, but we want to see God as this compassionate God, right?

[00:13:05] Valerie: Tanisha, not as this God who's just waiting to just say, Hey, you've messed up. I can't love you. No, he always loves us. What's another lie that we often. I think I've 

[00:13:15] Denisha: heard people too say God is angry. Mm-hmm. You know, when I was a pastor at our church, I would hear people say, I came into church and I thought I was gonna get struck with lightning

[00:13:25] Denisha: Um, so, you know, we tend to think that he can be angry that he's just waiting for us to mess up, that he's gonna lose his temper and strike us down. But that is not, he's compass. The truth is that God is patient and there's a verse that says The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger in bounding, in love and faithfulness.

[00:13:49] Denisha: Yeah. And so God is patient. He's not angry. Remember, love is patient. Love is kind. Yeah. What's another thing that we believe about God? 

[00:13:57] Valerie: Well, and I think again, back to, you [00:14:00] know, thinking of our past and whatever is in your past, whether it's something you've done or has been done to you, sometimes we can think, you know, how could God love somebody like me that God is somehow hateful, that God is displeased with us, that, you know, God looks at us in like the voice that sometimes I hear, you should have known better.

[00:14:20] Valerie: You could have done better. . But as we're talking about on this podcast today, the truth is God is full of love. His love is truly unconditional. I mean, Romans 5 8, 1 of my favorite verses, it says, while we were still sinners, you guys , while we were in the pit of messing up, Christ died for us. He died for us while we were still sinners, not when we got our act together.

[00:14:45] Valerie: And that. What God is, he's full of love. And so that's why as we continue to talk and we're gonna dive back into our, our story of the Father and the little girl, we want you to be reminded of these truths, especially if you're being [00:15:00] tempted to believe these lies. So let's go back to our story. Okay. We have two daughters.

[00:15:06] Valerie: We have the daughter that's dying with the desperate father, and then we have the woman who stopped Jesus. And I wanna read a little bit more of her story. Jesus says, who touched me in Luke 8 45? Jesus asked when They all denied it. Peter said, master, the people are crowding and pressing against you. But Jesus said, somebody touched me.

[00:15:29] Valerie: I know power has gone out from. Then the woman seen that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet in the presence of all the people. She told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. Then he said to her daughter, your faith has healed you. Go and peace. So we have a little girl, right?

[00:15:52] Valerie: Who's sick, who can't. I love this. She can't come to Jesus, but her dad can. And the other woman, she's been bleeding [00:16:00] for 12 years and maybe you can relate to this woman. Maybe you've dealt with something a very long time. You know, she was considered in that culture, ceremonial, unclean. That means nobody wanted to go near this.

[00:16:13] Valerie: Was isolated from society. She didn't have human touch for 12 long years, but she didn't have anyone to go on her behalf. Both of these daughters, they needed healing or they were gonna die. And I think about donisha. I think we all have wounds, right? We all have wounds that need healing. And there have been times in our lives where people have said or done things to us that have hurt us.

[00:16:39] Valerie: And these wounds linger, right? They linger and they require healing. But that's why we want you guys to grasp hold of today that. only comes through receiving the love of a perfect, good, heavenly father. Next, we're gonna talk about how we can experience the love of the Father in three ways. [00:17:00] And the first way I love this, I love this danesha, he walks with us.

[00:17:04] Valerie: Mm-hmm. , you know Jarris, right? Jarris came to Jesus. He was risking his reputation and like a good, caring father. He loved his daughter so much, he didn't know what to do. Jesus, if you know Jesus at all, right? Jesus could have spoken a word, right, Tanisha. He could have said Your daughter's healed, but he walked with him.

[00:17:25] Valerie: He walked with Jarris to his house, and I love that because that just shows us that. Jesus is intentional, you guys. Jesus is relational. Jesus responds to our desperate Christ for help. Jarris pleaded with Jesus. It says he fell on his knees. He pleaded with Jesus to come to his house, and Jesus lovingly responded.

[00:17:47] Valerie: He didn't leave Jarris to walk alone and he doesn't leave us to walk alone in this life. And we want you to know that. We want you to know that whatever your situation is, you guys, [00:18:00] mountaintop Valley, he walks with you. He says, I will go with you in Deuteronomy 31, 8. It says this, the Lord himself goes before you and will be with you.

[00:18:11] Valerie: He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged, and we know. We know that there may be some of you listening that feel alone, and we know that so many people walk in this life alone, but when Jesus walks with you, it changes everything. There's something special Danisha about walking with somebody who loves you, right?

[00:18:35] Valerie: If you're gonna walk with somebody in this life, walk with somebody who loves you. I've also 

[00:18:42] Denisha: heard is, is gyrus. I don't know if it's Gyus or Jarris, so We'll, we'll leave that to interpretation, but that's so true. If we're gonna walk with someone, let's walk with someone who loves you. Mm-hmm. . One of my favorite parts of this story, Valerie, is that he stops for the [00:19:00] one.

[00:19:00] Denisha: Yes. That Jesus. I mean, we think of standing, I was recently at a concert and there were people all over me, like right next to me, shoulder to shoulder. I got a little claustrophobic thing going, so I'm like, if as long as I can move my arms, I am okay. But if tons of people were pressing up against me, I would not have noticed that someone touched my clothing.

[00:19:22] Denisha: Yeah. And so I just think that it's so beautiful that Jesus stops for the one and he stops for you. Friends, I wanna say if you feel like you are unlovable, he stops for you. If you feel like you are unworthy, he stops for you. If you feel unseen, overlooked, or that no one listens to you, he stops for you and is there for you.

[00:19:46] Denisha: Amen. And when you reach out to him, he stops everything for you as if you were the only person in the world in Zeniah three 17. I love this. It says, the Lord your God is with [00:20:00] you. The mighty warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you, in his love. He will no longer rebuke you, but we'll rejoice over you with singing and that's such a great picture.

[00:20:11] Denisha: So friends, he stops for. 

[00:20:13] Valerie: Yeah, and then he talks to us. Jesus not only stopped for the bleeding woman, he talked to her, the woman who had been hidden in the crowd as one of the, and unclean now stood in front of Jesus as one of the redeemed. I love that she went from having her story right. We've talked about how you might have a story.

[00:20:38] Valerie: Pain and now her story is being reclaimed. Tanisha, I love this story so much because Jesus healed her, but he just didn't leave it as that, right as physical healing. He called her daughter. He took the time to call her out of the crowd. A woman who had been alone on her life and said, I see you. [00:21:00] I know. I love you and you guys.

[00:21:03] Valerie: That's what God's love Does the lavish love of your father labels you as his child? Ooh, we could talk 

[00:21:10] Denisha: about labels so much. What labels do we have? Yes. Yes. What does it look like if we take off Unworthy. Unlovable? Not enough, not valued. What if we take off those labels? Yes. And put the label on that says Child of the Living God.

[00:21:28] Valerie: I know. Powerful. And that's what we want you guys to remember. Like we said, the three ways to experience the love of a good perfect father, our heavenly father, is that he walks with you, he stops for you, and he talks to you. But you know, Danisha kind of backed our story. Maybe people not familiar with the story may say, wait a minute, you know what happened to that gyrus dude?

[00:21:52] Valerie: Right? like, like Jesus stopped for the bleeding woman. He healed her. He calls her his own. But then what? Well, the story picks up [00:22:00] and it says, while Jesus was still speaking, someone came from the house of Gyrus, the synagogue leader, and says, your daughter is dead. Don't bother the teacher anymore. Hearing this, Jesus said to gyrus.

[00:22:13] Valerie: Be afraid. I love this. Just believe and she will be healed. And when he arrived at the house, he did not let anyone go in with him except Peter, John, and James and the child's father and mother. Meanwhile, all the people were wailing and mourning and he said, stop wailing. She is not dead but asleep. They laughed at him knowing that she was dead, but he took her by the hand, and I love this.

[00:22:37] Valerie: He speaks to her Danisha, he says, my. Get up. Her spirit returned and at once she stood. I love that he spoke to the bleeding woman, right? He calls her daughter and he speaks to this little girl, you know, they said she's dead. Don't bother Jesus. She was dead by the time [00:23:00]Jesus got to the house. And it may seem that all hope is gone, and maybe that feels like that for you too.

[00:23:06] Valerie: Your situation. You guys, I've been there. Your situation may appear dead or hopeless. There's been times where I'm like, God, where are you? Like, God, I know you're there, but I don't feel you're there. And we may feel you guys, that Jesus has stopped helping us. Caring for us or working in our situation, and I don't know about you, Danesha, have you ever felt this like, okay, he's gone onto somebody else, right?

[00:23:30] Valerie: Like you see other people's prayers being answered, you see other people you know, just receiving what you have been asking God for, and you're like, God, do you care? As 

[00:23:40] Denisha: many times as I have read this story personally, I even preached a sermon on it one time. That is something that never stood out to me.

[00:23:47] Denisha: Mm-hmm. until we dove in to do today's episode. Yeah. And that is that thinking of putting myself in the shoes of that father. Mm. That he went to Jesus on behalf of his daughter. [00:24:00] He sees Jesus, stop, heal this woman, and then he heals. His daughter as well. And I, I feel like there's so many times, maybe more as women, maybe not, I don't know.

[00:24:11] Denisha: You restored their marriage. What about mine? Mm. Okay. You healed that woman. What about my daughter? And that was a lens that I've never looked at this before. Is that that side of, of comparison of God if, and. and what we wanna do, friends, instead of saying, God, if you did that for Valerie, mm-hmm , why can't you do it for me?

[00:24:30] Denisha: Or if you did that for my friend or my pastor, or this, this talk that I heard online, why won't you do that for me? What if instead, We said, because I saw you do it for them, I know that you can do it for me. And every one of our walks with God is so unique and so different. Just as we love our children, you know, we have four kids.

[00:24:53] Denisha: Valerie has four kids. We have a lot of children, , and each one of our kids requires something different [00:25:00] of us. Mm-hmm. . So for us, it may not happen just as it did for someone. , but God will do it in the way he has it planned for us. Yeah. And so I think trusting that if he did it before he can do it again and trusting that we are his children, that God is love.

[00:25:18] Valerie: Yeah, his love is big enough, right? Yeah. He sees you Danisha, right? He loves you. And even like you said, even if we don't understand what he's doing, our story is not her story. Our story is not their story. Sometimes we are too busy looking at everybody else's life that then we miss what God has. But you guys, his love invites us to trust him, right?

[00:25:43] Valerie: We talked about last week how God is trustworthy. His ways and thoughts are higher. He sees the end from the beginning, and he has a plan and purpose, like you just said, Danisha, for your life and your life alone. 

[00:25:57] Denisha: So in in this passage of scripture, [00:26:00] we see that a woman and a little girl both needed the love of the Father.

[00:26:04] Denisha: Yeah. Romans 8 38 says, nothing can separate us from the love of God. And you can believe and receive the love of God for you today too. Friends, there is nothing that you can do to cause God to love you more, and there is nothing that you can do to cause God to love you. Can we sit in the confidence of that today and can we know that God is patient, that God is kind, that he does not envy or boast, that he is not proud, that he does not dishonor others, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered and keeps no record of wrongs, that God does not delight an evil but rejoices with the truth.

[00:26:48] Denisha: He always. Always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres because God never fails. Friends, we look forward to seeing you back [00:27:00] next week, same time, same place. And remember that God loves you with an everlasting love. Thanks for listening. I pray you found hope in today's conversation and maybe even feel a little less alone in your story.

[00:27:18] Denisha: Stay connected with us on Facebook and Instagram at Reclaimed Story. Wanna learn more about living a reclaimed life and how you can be a part of our growing community of reclaimers? Check out our website at reclaimed story dot. All of those links and more will be in the show notes. And if you enjoy this inspirational podcast, be sure to subscribe, rate and review.

[00:27:41] Denisha: Not only will you be the first one to know when new content comes out, but it is also a huge help in helping us reach more people to live the reclaimed life.[00:28:00]