Living the Reclaimed Life

Can I Trust My Emotions? ~ Patty Cossette Ep. 73

September 26, 2022 Season 2 Episode 73
Can I Trust My Emotions? ~ Patty Cossette Ep. 73
Living the Reclaimed Life
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Living the Reclaimed Life
Can I Trust My Emotions? ~ Patty Cossette Ep. 73
Sep 26, 2022 Season 2 Episode 73

Emotions are complicated; they are the reactions we experience in response to events or situations in our lives. We make decisions out of them, and emotions can lead our lives if we are not careful.

We don't have to be controlled by our emotions; we can take the information they give us, acknowledge them and then choose to fix our minds on the truth.  Now, that all sounds great, but what happens when hormones are involved? We will also tap on that subject and more in this episode with Patty Cossette.

We have an Ebook for you if you struggle with thoughts of not being enough, not being qualified, or feeling overlooked. Be sure to click on the show notes or go to www.reclaimedstory.com to grab your copy of our free Ebook to help you combat those lies with the truth of what God'sWord has to say over you.

CLICK HERE to receive your FREE E-book

If this podcast is an encouragement to you, would you partner with us to spread the message of hope and healing? You can DONATE HERE.  Living the Reclaimed Life is a Reclaimed Story, Inc. podcast, An Arizona non-profit corporation.

If you would like to connect with a safe group of women who are doing real-life together, join our private Facebook page,
“Living the Reclaimed Life” Join us!

Free Shipping in the U.S. as you give jewelry that speaks to identity in Jesus.
CLICK HERE  Every purchase helps support our mission to provide healing and hope to women. 

Check out more at our website www.reclaimedstory.com 

Connect with us!
Facebook
Instagram 

Here are two FREE Ebooks for you!
1. Shame Off You: 10 steps to shattering shame in your life,
HERE.
2. ABC's:
CLICK HERE for a FREE E-book to help you combat lies and replace them with God's truth. For more encouragement, check out some of our offerings at www.reclaimedstory.com

Did you know we have a jewelry line that speaks to your identity in Jesus?
CLICK HERE to shop. Every purchase helps support our mission to provide healing and hope to women worldwide.

Would you partner with us to spread the message of hope and healing? You can
DONATE HERE. Living the Reclaimed Life is a Reclaimed Story, Inc. podcast, An Arizona non-profit corporation.

If you would like to connect with a safe group of women doing real-life together, join our private Facebook page,
“Living the Reclaimed Life” or on Facebook or Instagram

Show Notes Transcript

Emotions are complicated; they are the reactions we experience in response to events or situations in our lives. We make decisions out of them, and emotions can lead our lives if we are not careful.

We don't have to be controlled by our emotions; we can take the information they give us, acknowledge them and then choose to fix our minds on the truth.  Now, that all sounds great, but what happens when hormones are involved? We will also tap on that subject and more in this episode with Patty Cossette.

We have an Ebook for you if you struggle with thoughts of not being enough, not being qualified, or feeling overlooked. Be sure to click on the show notes or go to www.reclaimedstory.com to grab your copy of our free Ebook to help you combat those lies with the truth of what God'sWord has to say over you.

CLICK HERE to receive your FREE E-book

If this podcast is an encouragement to you, would you partner with us to spread the message of hope and healing? You can DONATE HERE.  Living the Reclaimed Life is a Reclaimed Story, Inc. podcast, An Arizona non-profit corporation.

If you would like to connect with a safe group of women who are doing real-life together, join our private Facebook page,
“Living the Reclaimed Life” Join us!

Free Shipping in the U.S. as you give jewelry that speaks to identity in Jesus.
CLICK HERE  Every purchase helps support our mission to provide healing and hope to women. 

Check out more at our website www.reclaimedstory.com 

Connect with us!
Facebook
Instagram 

Here are two FREE Ebooks for you!
1. Shame Off You: 10 steps to shattering shame in your life,
HERE.
2. ABC's:
CLICK HERE for a FREE E-book to help you combat lies and replace them with God's truth. For more encouragement, check out some of our offerings at www.reclaimedstory.com

Did you know we have a jewelry line that speaks to your identity in Jesus?
CLICK HERE to shop. Every purchase helps support our mission to provide healing and hope to women worldwide.

Would you partner with us to spread the message of hope and healing? You can
DONATE HERE. Living the Reclaimed Life is a Reclaimed Story, Inc. podcast, An Arizona non-profit corporation.

If you would like to connect with a safe group of women doing real-life together, join our private Facebook page,
“Living the Reclaimed Life” or on Facebook or Instagram

Transcript is autogenerated

[00:00:00] Denisha Workizer: Emotions are complicated. They are reactions. We experience in response to events or situations in our lives. We make decisions out of them and ultimately emotions can lead our lives if we're not careful, but we don't have to be controlled by our emotions. We can take the information, they give us, acknowledge it, and then choose to fix our minds on the truth.

[00:00:26] Denisha Workizer: Now that all sounds great. But you may be thinking I get very emotional when hormones are involved. Well, guys, we are going to tap on that subject. In this episode with Patty coset. Before we get started, we have an ebook for you. If you've ever struggled with thoughts of not being enough. Not being qualified or feeling overlooked, be sure to go to the show notes or reclaim story.com to grab your copy of our free ebook to help you combat those lies with the truth of God's [00:01:00] word.

[00:01:00] Denisha Workizer: Now let's dive into this episode with Patty coset. Welcome to living the reclaim life podcast. I'm Denisha. We're glad you're here for conversations that revive hope inspire healing and encourage you to live a vibrant life with Christ. So grab a cup of coffee as we chat with today's guest.

[00:01:23] Denisha Workizer: Today we are going to get emotional . We are going to talk about emotions and we are going to talk about lies of. If I feel something, it must be true. Is it that, if I feel it, it is true clearly because I feel it well, we're gonna debunk some of that and we're gonna talk about what do we do with our emotions.

[00:01:49] Denisha Workizer: And we just hope today is encouragement and some hope. And to give you some tangible things that what do we do with our emotions and are our emotions. [00:02:00] True. 

[00:02:01] Patty Cossette: Oh my goodness. so are there lies that we believe about our emotions? Well, I'm here to say yes, there are. Yes, there are. There can be things like, well, if I feel it.

[00:02:14] Patty Cossette: Then it must be true. I mean, okay. How many of us have ever sat in any kind of active listening training, or other types of training where we're supposed to be listening and we need to validate what the person has said or how they've said it. So we're trying to, to validate those emotions that are coming out, that we heard it, that we are trying to understand it.

[00:02:38] Patty Cossette: And so we repeat it back. All those kinds of wonderful things. Well, we can begin to believe well, if I feel it, it must be true. Well, I'm here to say not necessarily, not necessarily how many of us have been in an situation [00:03:00] where. If that same person had approached you on a different day, they wouldn't have gotten the same reaction they got out of you today because today nothing went.

[00:03:16] Patty Cossette: Right. you were stuck in traffic. You got the wrong drink at Starbucks. They messed it up and, and you had already gone through the drive through you. Couldn't go back. You didn't have any time left. So you left, you didn't even have your coffee the way you like to have it, or whatever, drink that you have, you then get to the office and you can't find your keys.

[00:03:40] Patty Cossette: I don't know where. They were in my purse. I know they're down in there somewhere. And so you stand there for 15 minutes dumping your entire purse out on the ground because you can't find your key. Oh, there it is. I finally found it, but all my stuff is all over everything. Then you got a phone call from that customer.

[00:03:56] Patty Cossette: That customer who's never happy, never [00:04:00] has been happy and you don't even know how to make them happy. And so you have to sit. And listen and take it and you just take it and you take it and then you go home. The dishes aren't done, dinner is not ready. Children have not done homework, nothing is going on.

[00:04:21] Patty Cossette: And then this small thing happens. Oh, someone spilled something and you. Lose it, you absolutely absolutely lose it all over that poor child now was if that had happened on one of those good days, when everything had gone, right. You would've had that lovely, passionate, compassionate self that you love to be and want to be.

[00:04:47] Patty Cossette: that mom who's like it's okay, honey. Let's I'll help you clean it up. Everybody makes mistakes. Things happen. It's okay. It's all right. Let's just clean it up. Everything'll be fine. But instead you [00:05:00] screamed and yelled and sent him to his room without dinner. Okay. So 

[00:05:04] Denisha Workizer: I didn't wanna make dinner anyways. So 

[00:05:07] Patty Cossette: me either.

[00:05:08] Patty Cossette: So I picked it up. It was pizza. So anyway, so here we are. Were my feelings true? Meaning were they based in reality? I was feeling anger. I was feeling frustration. I had all kinds of feelings, but I would've had more control if it had been a different day. So I'm going to say that sometimes our feelings dealing with the actual situation that we're finding ourselves in are not all that's going on.

[00:05:45] Patty Cossette: So my reaction to my child was not a good one, but I chose to act on it anyway. Now, if I had had a moment or if I had taken a deep breath and. [00:06:00] I've had a really bad day, but he doesn't deserve all of the buildup of my bad day to come out on him. Take another deep breath. Okay. Let me help you. Let's get it up.

[00:06:15] Patty Cossette: Get a paper towel. Let's clean it. Ups, put it away. And why don't you sit down and finish your dinner. So are all of our feelings linked to the situation? We're. Or do other things get compiled to where our feelings get amplified beyond what they should be. So there's a word. that we hear in our our world right now.

[00:06:43] Patty Cossette: And that is the word trigger. Now. I don't remember ever hearing that word when I was young. Remember I'm old. And triggers are real they're real. And the reason we call them triggers is because they are like a trigger on a. , they can go [00:07:00] off, we can pull something and all of a sudden this emotion comes out of us that we had not anticipated because the situation I'm finding myself in is relating to something that happened previously.

[00:07:14] Patty Cossette: It's tying itself to a situation that had brought forth much more intense. That might feel the same, but that deeper one. Was a much deeper pain and then our feeling gets magnified and our reaction becomes bigger than the present situation actually called for. So when does that kind of thing happen?

[00:07:41] Patty Cossette: Danisha, can you just speak a little bit on. Triggers do and where some of them can 

[00:07:49] Denisha Workizer: come from. Well, I think one thing to know, and I think this is fascinating is that our brain is an anticipation machine. So really it anticipates what's about [00:08:00]to come around the corner based on our prior experiences and the way that it does that is either through one, through our genes.

[00:08:08] Denisha Workizer: Or two through our life experiences. Okay. And so when, when talking about a trigger, it, it is exactly that it's like the gun going off and you didn't realize you had pulled the trigger itself. It's basically when our old emotions are reactivated by what's happening right now, but they attach themselves.

[00:08:26] Denisha Workizer: The old emotions attach themselves to our current situation. So for instance, if you've ever caught yourself in a time where maybe your husband did something that was really like on a scale of one to 10, it was like a two, but your reaction was like a nine And that is a really good indication that maybe that is triggering a past situation in your mind and your brain is anticipating it to play out the same way.

[00:08:50] Denisha Workizer: So that's one way that triggers work in our mind and. That can be something we can't always control that, but we can recognize them, acknowledge them and then do [00:09:00] things to help regulate ourselves when we feel that heightened sense of being evoked or 

[00:09:04] Patty Cossette: triggered mm-hmm . So that's an area where we need to be able to look at our reaction and begin to say, okay, did this situation warrant.

[00:09:18] Patty Cossette: My reaction to it. Did it warrant all the feelings that came flying out from what just happened here? Or is there something deeper that I need to deal with? You know, when we've been talking about all this, these last these previous two weeks, we've been talking about figuring out roots and seeing things that get exposed.

[00:09:39] Patty Cossette: Well, ladies, our emotion. Can be a real place of things, getting they can, where we begin to see something's not okay. Yes. Something is not all right, because I'm reacting in a way that isn't warranted by what's happening here. Mm-hmm . And so we need to look at [00:10:00]that and then say, okay, God, why, what is this link to.

[00:10:06] Patty Cossette: Why did I react that way? Why did this send me into the fetal position on the floor? Mm-hmm why did this conversation that didn't really seem to have anything to do with me? All of a sudden bring emotions to the surface that have me cowering in the corner. , it could be linked to a trauma you've experienced.

[00:10:28] Patty Cossette: It could be linked to things that happened in your past. So we need to look at our emotions, observe our emotions, understand and begin to say, okay, where does this not ring normal? Why is this amplified? Why is this happening? I don't even understand why I reacted the way I did. And that can happen at various times in our life.

[00:10:54] Patty Cossette: And it can be extremely revelatory in our life. Yeah. Because it begins to show us [00:11:00] there's something going on here that I need to deal with. And it may be something that's been hidden. hidden from yourself. It's hidden, hidden from your conscious mind because we're very good at protecting ourself. Our mind, and our emotion are good at building a cover almost, or a protection mechanism to say, don't touch this.

[00:11:22] Patty Cossette: Mm-hmm . Because this was bad, this was harmful. So we're not going close to that. And so it can become deep into our subconscious and is no longer, easily accessed by our conscious mind. And sometimes our emotions are a revelation of those things because emotions are also come out of some of our.

[00:11:46] Patty Cossette: Subconscious, some of our unconscious mind where we just react. And so it can then reveal some of those things that are deeper down. 

[00:11:56] Denisha Workizer: One question that I like to ask myself is what else could this mean? [00:12:00] Mm-hmm there's times when I've, you know, experienced two and responded as an eight and in those moments, I go, okay, what else could this mean?

[00:12:07] Denisha Workizer: Mm-hmm well, like you mentioned, I had a really rough day. It went from. From the Mor from my morning to losing my car keys at work, to then fast forward all the way to when I get home and then one spilled glass of milk or water and I'm undone. Right. Mm-hmm so what else could this mean?

[00:12:21] Denisha Workizer: This could mean, I just had a really stink and hard day. Yeah. You know? Yeah. It can be that simple. Yeah. It could be that simple and it can also be as complex as maybe saying when have I felt this way before? Yeah. If you catch yourself in a situation and you are safe, but you feel unsafe. It might be good to ask when have I felt this way before?

[00:12:41] Denisha Workizer: Because like you said, that could be connecting an old emotion, could be reactivated by something that's happening now. 

[00:12:51] Patty Cossette: And I think this is linked some back to what we talked about last week, because sometimes our feelings are coming out of a lie that we have believed. [00:13:00] So a feeling of unworthiness, because I don't believe that God loves me.

[00:13:06] Patty Cossette: I don't believe he can love me just as I am a belief of a depression that comes feeling depressed. And that's because you don't believe that God is good. So our emotions can be linked to the fact that we've believed a lie. So we need to be aware of our emotions and to base them in truth and not trust.

[00:13:28] Patty Cossette: your emotions. Now that may be, that's very different than what our world tells us. Mm-hmm, very different than our world tells us. If you feel it, then you need to just act on it. If you are not feeling this marriage anymore, then go find somebody else. If you're not, if you're not happy. then you deserve to get whatever it is you want, whether it be something good or bad, [00:14:00] but you begin to go for it yourself.

[00:14:04] Patty Cossette: Now here's a little one. It's like, if you're feeling down, just go get that ice cream, go ahead and eat the whole thing. 

[00:14:11] Denisha Workizer: so that helps so much. I know it does right that 

[00:14:14] Patty Cossette: or chocolate. So it, we live in an emotional society and. Think that I'm just gonna live by my emotions. Well, ladies, we already know that that doesn't lead in, especially it doesn't lead to relational health ever.

[00:14:31] Patty Cossette: Mm-hmm not with your spouse, not with your significant other, not with your children with, even with your friendships. If we live by emotion, we can destroy things because we can't react. We cannot act out of our feelings. I'm not telling. That you need to shut off your feelings because you can't. God created us emotional creatures.

[00:14:59] Patty Cossette: He [00:15:00] created us with them. He has them. He speaks of rejoicing. He speaks of anger. He speaks of jealousy all about himself. He has those emotions. So emotions are real, and they're part of who we are. And remember, you were fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who loves you and knows you, but I don't have to allow my emotions to dictate my actions I can choose and I need to choose.

[00:15:33] Patty Cossette: So I need to be aware of my emotions. I need to understand where some of them came. I need to know how to express. In a healthy way. There's a new book out by Brene brown. I don't know if any, if you ever listened to her or read any of her stuff, some it's amazing you have what Dar greatly the, is it the gift of imperfection of imperfection?

[00:15:55] Patty Cossette: Dan? That was when Danisha and I first met when we really got to know each other. We were both [00:16:00] like reading that book at the same time. And so that book is amazing. Just so many of her things, she has a new book and it's called the Atlas of the heart. And it is basically giving us more vocabulary for the myriad of feelings that we feel a lot of us have a hard time expressing what we're feeling.

[00:16:22] Patty Cossette: We don't have the words to express. So we often will use words. Like I am overwhelmed. That's a real common one right now in our society. Many of us feel overwhelmed by life that everything is coming at us. It's coming at our finances. It's coming at our children. It's coming from so many different places right now that we can feel completely overwhelmed and unable to cope with what is, but sometimes we need to be more definitive with that.

[00:16:55] Patty Cossette: And say, I'm very frustrated with how things are happening. [00:17:00] I am just plain sad at what I see. I'm disappointed with how that went. Just finding more words to describe how we are, what that does is we have more. Verbiage to describe how we're feeling. The people around us have more capacity and ability to understand where we're at and what's going on.

[00:17:30] Patty Cossette: And so just in that fact alone, having a deeper vocabulary of feeling is really helpful. So that's one that you could just look at possibly. Or we were both talking about that. There's are those lovely charts one's called a mood meter that you can look at, and sometimes it gives you more words. I have one that's in like red, green, yellow.

[00:17:54] Patty Cossette: And blue. And so you have all these difference, so you can have anxious and [00:18:00] angry and frustrated, and then you can have sad, disappointed, hurt, you know, different things like that as to how you're feeling. Now, there are some good ones too. It's like happy and elated and joyful and satisfied content. Some of those wonderful other words that we can have and those feelings that we can.

[00:18:23] Patty Cossette: But we mainly wanna know that we do not have to act out of our feelings. Mm-hmm that we have a choice when one of the lies we can believe is that I can't control my emotions. Mm-hmm I'm not gonna tell you go, I'm not gonna tell you how to feel, but I am gonna say that you can control your reaction. You can, you can, and you need to, okay.

[00:18:57] Patty Cossette: We don't let our emotions dictate [00:19:00] what we do. That doesn't mean that I don't need to acknowledge how I feel and I don't need to look at how I feel, but what I do know is that I can choose to not harm anyone with my feelings. Mm-hmm that I do not have to speak harshly. I do not have to. act in a way that's unloving with a spouse.

[00:19:27] Patty Cossette: Okay, so full disclosure people so do I have a perfect marriage? No, I don't. so have we gone with lots of ups and downs? Yes, we have. That's. And how long have you been married, pat? Uh, this will be year 34. So 34 years. Well, yes, we will be celebrating our 34th anniversary in 

[00:19:45] Denisha Workizer: December. If you said everything was wonderful for 34 years, we would know we be lying.

[00:19:50] Denisha Workizer: Yes, . 

[00:19:51] Patty Cossette: True. Very true. And, but I made a choice this year. I've had a, I've had a rough two years, [00:20:00] especially, and took me to counseling for the first time. I had emotions going on inside of me that I did not know how to deal with. I didn't have enough tools in my toolbox. Now I've walked with Jesus for over 40 some years of my, well, almost.

[00:20:17] Patty Cossette: Yeah, it'll be 50 years very shortly. And I didn't know how to deal with what I was feeling. , but I didn't want to hurt people. And I was, I was mad at every driver that pulled in front of me. I was mad at every customer service person, every person behind a counter was not happy that I was coming in the store.

[00:20:41] Patty Cossette: They didn't deserve any of what was coming out. I was just angry period, and I didn't know how to get out of it. And that was a first for me. To have no idea how to change. I knew how to shut up and stop trying to hurt people. And then I, [00:21:00] so I was like, I have got to find someone to talk to about this. And so I did, and much of it is, was I had a safe place to vent all the terrible feelings I had cuz I had some really yucky feelings that I didn't wanna name.

[00:21:15] Patty Cossette: Maybe you've had that where you don't want anybody to know. How dark, some of those feelings that you have are, cause I had some dark ones and I didn't like 'em and I didn't like that I was trapped in it cuz that's how I felt. I felt trapped and I didn't know how to get out. And so I, because there was no one that I wanted to deep.

[00:21:37] Patty Cossette: Just vomit my, my black feelings on cuz I didn't wanna hurt them. I didn't want to hurt any of my children. I didn't wanna hurt my husband. I didn't wanna hurt my siblings. I didn't want to hurt anybody with the things that were inside of me. And so I found a counselor, I found a third person who could just sit and listen [00:22:00] as I dumped it all out.

[00:22:03] Patty Cossette: And honestly, once I was able to dump all of it out, I began to be able to see what was true. Be able to say, okay, well that's stupid. Or that , you know, I was like, well, where did that come from? Oh my gosh, I can't believe I, yeah. Wow. Yeah. That's not even true. Okay. I need to, you know, reorient my thinking and I began to see what was true.

[00:22:34] Patty Cossette: And then I began to realize, okay, that one is true, but I can choose to act differently. I don't have to act the same. And I began to want to walk in love. In every one of my relationships, even if it was with the barista across the , 

[00:22:57] Denisha Workizer: you gotta be nice to her. Cause you see her. I [00:23:00] do often I do know you on a first name basis.

[00:23:02] Patty Cossette: I do see them often. And so I wanted to walk in love. And the thing is, is that love is patient love is kind, it doesn't take into account wrongs that are being suffered all the time. It doesn't keep an account. I don't have a running tally in my head. If I'm walking in love now, did I get all of this right, right away?

[00:23:29] Patty Cossette: No. Did I sit with my counselor every two weeks for a while? Yes, I did. As I began to process the things that were going on inside of me, my feelings were real and I was trapped by them. And I'm just happy to be able to say that I'm not. That I'm able to choose. God just brought some truth and brought some clarity into my thinking [00:24:00] where things had.

[00:24:00] Patty Cossette: I had just allowed things to get very skewed and I could, I didn't know how to get free. And sometimes ladies, we don't know how to do it by ourselves and that's okay. That's okay. But don't sit there in it. Don't sit in. What's going on. If you need help. Call out ladies. Remember if your friend is silent, it is often because they're going through something and they don't even know how to talk about it.

[00:24:30] Patty Cossette: So they're not reaching out. And we can sometimes be like, oh, well, whatever, she didn't answer me so fine. But in actuality, they need you to reach in cuz they're not okay. And that was true for me when I go silent. It's. It's like alarm bells should be going off around the people that know me. It's like, Ooh, she's not talking.

[00:24:54] Patty Cossette: I wonder if she's okay. You know, I should check in and some do. And some don't [00:25:00] some don't. So you can't count on that. And so you also need to take those choices. Sometimes you might need to be the one who calls a friend and says, you know, I'm not okay. don't do it with everybody. You do it with safe people, people that know how to keep a confidence, people who are gonna respond in a loving way, but you just begin to reach out and know that I need help.

[00:25:27] Patty Cossette: This might be my beginning. Step. Help me take my next step. I 

[00:25:32] Denisha Workizer: think I lean more towards isolation when I'm having heightened emotions or when I'm going through something hard. I tend to isolate also. And when you mentioned acknowledging it, naming it. Mm, yes. That's another something I'm really good at in the past.

[00:25:47] Denisha Workizer: Cause I've really worked on this, but if I have a strong emotion, I tend to shove it under the rug. And then I know I've said this before, but this is really the picture that I have is then I begin tripping over the rug and you can't figure out what it. Oh, my I'm like, why [00:26:00]am I falling? That's such middle, a good picture.

[00:26:01] Denisha Workizer: Right? Mm-hmm like, cause we stuff, I'm a stuffer. I stuff, emotions mm-hmm . And so when you said acknowledging it and naming it, I thought that is so great because emotions are information I'm really raging angry over that spillt, you know, milk. Why mm-hmm that's information that we know. I have a friend of mine.

[00:26:20] Denisha Workizer: If I start complaining about something, he'll say. And I'm, we've been playing this game for years now. You know, like I feel, you know, what did you say earlier? I feel disappointed. Why? Well, because this didn't go my way. Why? Well, because this, and he keeps asking me why we play the why game? 

[00:26:39] Patty Cossette: You feel like a five year old.

[00:26:41] Patty Cossette:

[00:26:41] Denisha Workizer: do, but do you know what? That really boils it down? Like, okay. I'm really angry. Why? Because my son just spill his milk. Well, because he did it and that it does. If you ask why, again, it's like, Okay. He's five, like, alright. Alright. So maybe it wasn't my son, maybe it [00:27:00] was this. Well, why was it that? And he just keeps asking me why, and it really drives home.

[00:27:05] Denisha Workizer: And there's times I've lost it after about the sixth. Why because it, like, you talked about getting to the roots, right? We get to the root of something and a great question to ask. Is why, because those emotions are there for a reason. And, and definitely, I love that you encourage us not to just put them aside, cuz I did that for a long time and they really do.

[00:27:23] Denisha Workizer: They do pull an account mm-hmm they do start to build 

[00:27:26] Patty Cossette: up mm-hmm we're gonna talk about two more things and this is for us women. Okay. now men, I'm going to tell you now what you should never say. Take notes. Are you on your period? Are you about to start your period that will reap havoc upon you?

[00:27:52] Patty Cossette: Because we're like that's to us communicates, you're saying that what I'm feeling doesn't matter at all, [00:28:00] because I might be. Going on my period. And I don't even care if it's true or not. , you're the one it's cause a lot of times it is true, but he's about to reap the whirlwind for saying that because he's discounting what I'm feeling.

[00:28:15] Patty Cossette: That is how we take that. Now. Now you're gonna hear it from a girlfriend. Okay. Are you on your period? that's a good question. Are you? I Danisha and I were talking about this very recently. We have daughter. And when we have daughters, ladies, we need to help our daughters to understand their cycle. Now, one of the things you may have experienced, I have experienced, and this was true for myself as well, is that I get very, very dark in the days shortly before my period.

[00:28:48] Patty Cossette: Right before I'm about to start, I get dark. And when, I mean dark, I mean, I don't want to continue being, and I. And it went through [00:29:00] many parts of my life. It was part of what brought me to Christ was I was feeling suicidal and, and then God met me and, and brought me to himself, but it didn't disappear.

[00:29:11] Patty Cossette: And some of that is the hormonal dips and shifts that occur in our body. Hormones are real. They do happen. And ladies, we have so many cycles and so many seasons as women I'm in that beautiful. I'm actually, I'm out of it. I'm out of that beautiful menopause period where things totally change. And that perimenopause that they love to talk about, which is like beforehand, where everything starts to go totally outta whack again.

[00:29:41] Patty Cossette: And some of the crazy feelings that you have, and you're not sleeping and you have brain fog and you have all these glorious things that they write about that our mother's never talked about. Right? Most of. Moms didn't talk. Nope. Nobody talked about it, but now we do, which I'm thankful for. [00:30:00] They're real, they're real.

[00:30:01] Patty Cossette: And the physical and emotional effects of the hormonal changes happening in our lives are real, however, That doesn't mean that I cannot choose how I act. I can choose knowledge. Should. Inform me and, and arm me, give me another weapon to fight my spiritual fight, knowing, okay, this is hormones.

[00:30:36] Patty Cossette: Therefore it will change soon. Therefore, I am not gonna say that hurtful thing. That's on the tip of my tongue that I wanna say at my husband, I'm. To choose not to say it. Ladies, when we talk about growing spiritually and we talk about being free from lies and being free in our lives with Christ, it takes work.[00:31:00]

[00:31:00] Patty Cossette: And some of it is working on not just reacting and speaking out of our emotions. But choosing to calm down and say, I'm not gonna talk right now because if I do, I might say something hurtful and you know, that old adage sticks in stones may break your bones and words will never hurt me. That's a lie.

[00:31:26] Patty Cossette: Yep. Those words hurt. They go down deep and they are not easily forgotten. Yes. And they're not easily taken back. You say something out of anger or you are just depressed or something. You can't just take it back. Like it never happened. It takes so much work to recover after having wounded someone to.

[00:31:54] Patty Cossette: Back to where you were. So how much better would it be for me to bite my tongue? [00:32:00] Leave the room if necessary. and just say, maybe we can talk about this another time, but this is not a good time. And if they pursue you, I don't know if you've ever had that happen where they're like, but why you need to, I, you know, and they just coming in after you, I'm just like, I'm shutting the door.

[00:32:17] Patty Cossette: Okay. because like, 

[00:32:18] Denisha Workizer: I'm protecting you right now. This is really about me 

[00:32:21] Patty Cossette: protecting you. I am shielding you from what might happen if. Talk right now, this is a bad time. I made a rule. I told Danisha this, I made a rule that I don't talk about things that are important after seven o'clock at. Why? Cause I'm tired.

[00:32:39] Patty Cossette: I'm tired. So that is not a good time to talk about finances. It's not a good time to talk about the kids or make some great decision. No, if you wanna talk about it in the morning, that would be great. If you wanna talk about it in the afternoon, we can do that, but I'm not talking after seven o'clock.

[00:32:58] Patty Cossette: Very frustrating too, my husband at [00:33:00] times, but I know that I am tired. I have had a full day. I'm tired and I, I can't make really important decisions at that time. And so, and I might say things that I don't mean to say. And so it's important to be aware of where we are, how we're feeling what's going on.

[00:33:23] Patty Cossette: And yes. the hormones do affect things. Now we were also talking about two other things that are in our bodies. We have cortisol and we have adrenaline. So stress response, mm-hmm brings cortisol into our body. Now, why don't you share about that? You were telling me about what you've learned about cortisol in the body.

[00:33:44] Denisha Workizer: Yeah, it's fascinating. So cortisol and adrenaline too together when. Get evoked emotionally, or we get triggered. Those chemicals can actually stay in our body for up to 26 hours to process. Man. Now let's [00:34:00] say at one o'clock I get a little upset and hit into that stress response. Right. And then at five o'clock my body is still processing my one o'clock cortisol and adrenaline.

[00:34:11] Denisha Workizer: And at five o'clock I get. Skin. Well, it dumps again, so it can actually take up to days or weeks, even months plus to actually go through, depending on how often you're getting that dump. And I know a lot of people who, you know, that cortisol that adrenaline, we say adrenaline junkies, you know, who like crave that, but it's actually, it's very, it's really not good for our body in so many ways.

[00:34:34] Denisha Workizer: You know, we think we want our body to be at peace. We want our body to be at ease and the word DISE. It does put your body in a place of disease, which can lead to disease. Yeah. Just by carry too many of those hormones and adrenaline, you know, all together. 

[00:34:49] Patty Cossette: So these things are real. They are real, they have effect on us.

[00:34:54] Patty Cossette: We were talking about there's a story. I don't know if you've ever experienced it because you can have adrenaline come in [00:35:00] after a very good, amazing thing. Like, let's say you went and you spoke somewhere. And so when you're getting up in front of people and you're doing a any kind of presentation, there's some adrenaline moving inside of you to make it good.

[00:35:13] Patty Cossette: Okay. Or at work, you've had a project and you've had adrenaline pumping because you've got a deadline, you've got things that are working and. Or for example, my husband and I, we would go on a mission trip and it would be amazing trip and things were going, but it was, we were definitely kicking in the adrenaline to, to get through everything, all the different changes and all that needed to happen.

[00:35:35] Patty Cossette: And then you come back and that next day, so you're on this high and that next day it is a crash mm-hmm you come crashing down. And that is because your adrenaline has depleted and it sends your body and your mind and your emotions into almost a depression. [00:36:00]Okay. And if you're not aware of the fact that that has what is, what just occurred, you can begin to say thing.

[00:36:10] Patty Cossette: You can think things well, what's wrong with me spiritually, whereas God, where you can begin to have all kinds of reactions and try to say, oh, I must be depressed. I must need help. I must need that. Let me give you an example of one right out of the Bible. I love this. Oh, it's Elijah. Okay. So in first King's 18, Elijah is coming up and he is going up against the prophets of bail who have been having way too much sway in Israel.

[00:36:38] Patty Cossette: And so he challenges them. He has this, I mean, it is. Massive and epic and epic, how, how it goes on. Anyway, they have a challenge and it's like, let the God who answers by fire be God. Okay. So, so he's put out a challenge out there and they're going at it. And finally it ends with a trough full of water. The wood is soaked [00:37:00] with water, and then he calls down and he calls out to the Lord and says, Lord, you are God.

[00:37:07] Patty Cossette: And answer. All of a sudden fire comes down from heaven. It licks up even all the water in the trough and it's like, poof, it's all gone. And so all the profits of veil that didn't die right there are running away. And so it's a massive win. Well, then Ahab goes and tells his wife Jebel what happened and Jebel was like, I'm gonna have that guy killed.

[00:37:33] Patty Cossette: So Elijah who has just done this amazing epic win here's one woman say I'm gonna have him killed. And he runs away. He's scared and he's depressed. So he runs away to this. God tells him day of his life. He had the greatest day of his life. And then the next day it's like, as though it never happened [00:38:00] as though that God that answered by fire disappeared and is no longer there.

[00:38:05] Patty Cossette: Well, God was there and he led him to a Brook and he said, lay. He said, eat, drink and sleep. So he did the next day we ate, drank and slept again. The next day he says, okay, now it's time to get up. Here's what we're gonna do. And God took him forward. oh my goodness. You know what that 

[00:38:33] Denisha Workizer: tells me when I have those really high highs.

[00:38:36] Denisha Workizer: And then the next day I find myself and the rest of Lowe's mm-hmm I need a nap and a snack. Exactly. 

[00:38:42] Patty Cossette: That's exactly it. Maybe all you need right now is go take a nap, eat a good. Relax and rest and let your body recover. Just as we said, that cortisol response, that [00:39:00]adrenaline response, we need to allow our bodies to recover.

[00:39:04] Patty Cossette: And if we don't bring peace into our lives, we pay for it. Yeah. We pay for it much. Just what Danisha said about dis disease. So much disease comes into our life because we're. Eating right. We're not resting. We're not giving our body a break, but we're constantly pushing, we're pushing and we're pushing that envelope.

[00:39:29] Patty Cossette: That's the culture that we live 

[00:39:30] Denisha Workizer: in right now. That is like, that is really our culture. It's it? We're we have our phones, which have great advances, but at the same point we never really get to unplug. Yeah. So how often I just wonder what the science is gonna be 50 years from now, when. About when those cell phones came out, here's what started happening.

[00:39:48] Denisha Workizer: Yeah. To people's bodies. Right? Because we're always on when I feel it vibrate or ding, I think even in this podcast, I've had children who bypass my emergency don't ding. During this time they have, you know, they have [00:40:00] buzzed my phone. That instantly makes you go, oh, I need to do something. Some, some something's happening and we don't get to fully 

[00:40:06] Patty Cossette: rest.

[00:40:06] Patty Cossette: Exactly. You know? In Isaiah 26, he says that I keep him in perfect peace. Whose mind has stayed on me. We need to allow peace into our lives. We need to take the time we need to, to choose to have times when we get quiet. Oh my gosh. How hard is that to get quiet? our world. Isn't quiet. Mm-hmm everything is just, we're feeling bombarded in this information age in which we live when we have personal computers in our pocket.

[00:40:45] Patty Cossette: Yes. So choosing to get quiet, choosing to allow our body and our mind to get it peace sometimes. It's hard and, and it just runs your mm-hmm your mind doesn't stop real quick. How [00:41:00] many of you ever laid onto the bed? And then all of a sudden it's like, your brain is not off. It doesn't shut off. You're like, would you be quiet up there?

[00:41:08] Patty Cossette: cause I would really like to go to sleep. And so we have to build some of that into our lives. It's an actual discipline. It is a discipline where we have to say, no, I need to build quiet into my life. Some of us, it may be at night. Some of us, it may be early in the. I always loved getting up before my children got up before the house just started into motion cuz once they're up, they're up.

[00:41:34] Patty Cossette: And so being able to have a time before life just swings into gear. To have my cup of tea, sit quietly, go out on the porch sometimes and just sit and observe all that God has made and begin to start my day with him and get my mind stayed on him. Mm-hmm he says he will bring peace if we do that. So [00:42:00] basically ladies, what we're.

[00:42:02] Patty Cossette: Is that we don't deny our emotions at all. Cuz oftentimes they are information for us to understand what else is going on. But we do not have to act the emotions, do not have to rule my actions. I can choose to act differently. And that's where we want to get. We want to be able to get to where we're making choices and that our emotions are not dictating mm-hmm.

[00:42:31] Patty Cossette: how we act in our relationships in with all the different people in our lives, all the different areas of our lives that we choose, how we're going to act. Amen. What was, oh, I had a quote I wanted to read. Yeah. This was written in like 1600 and it was a beautiful, just to kind of almost a little bit of an admonition to [00:43:00] all of us.

[00:43:01] Patty Cossette: When we look at, as we said that we women have seasons and changes and. Shifts in our physical bodies, in our emotional states, in our stages of life. And this was his wisdom. It said, do not look forward to the changes and chances of this life in fear, rather look to them with full hope that as they arise, God, whose you are, will deliver you out of.

[00:43:33] Patty Cossette: He has kept you up to this moment, if you, but hold fast to his dear hand, he will lead you safely through all things. And when you cannot stand, he will bear you in his arms. The same everlasting father who cares for you today will care for you tomorrow. And every. Either he will shield you from suffering [00:44:00] or he will give you unfailing strength to bear it.

[00:44:04] Patty Cossette: Be at peace. Then put aside all those anxious thoughts and imaginations. We can let our thoughts go. Sometimes as we look at the futures we look to, well, how will I handle that? How what's gonna happen? We can allow those to rule our thoughts. And this is just saying, put those in his hands. Hmm. That same one who holds you now and is with you, as we've said, that same one is walking day by day into the future.

[00:44:35] Patty Cossette: That's ahead. And he holds that future. And he holds you.

[00:44:42] Patty Cossette: Amen. 

[00:44:44] Denisha Workizer: Ladies, think on those things. Think about your, when your emotions rise, Patty's given us some great things to think about, and we hope that it is a blessing to you, to the people around you and in your life. Thanks [00:45:00] for listening. I pray. You found hope in today's conversation and. Even feel a little less alone in your story.

[00:45:07] Denisha Workizer: Stay connected with us on Facebook and Instagram at reclaimed story. Wanna learn more about living a reclaimed life and how you can be a part of our growing community of reclaimers. Check out our website@reclaimedstory.com. All of those links and more will be in the show notes. And if you enjoyed this inspirational podcast, be sure to subscribe, rate and review.

[00:45:31] Denisha Workizer: Not only will you be the first one to know when new content comes out, but it is also a huge help in helping us reach more people to live the reclaimed life.