What does it look like to be transparent with other women? When we disagree, do we lean toward avoiding one another, or do we step toward hard conversations? How do we celebrate each other as women instead of comparing ourselves?
It is possible to build one another up versus tear each other down. In this episode, I am sharing a conversation I had the privilege of having with four dynamic women on Joy Ellerbe's Titus II show. This was originally recorded live this month, and it was so rich that I had to share it with you. Let's get real when it comes to relationships on Sister to Sister.
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transparency, sisters, god, sister, people, christ, conversation, share, women, reclaimed, talk, transparent, life, dealing, compare, hear, joy, story, relationships, celebrate
Denisha Workizer, Joy Ellerbe, Myshell Wilkins, Rene Roderick, Ty Finley, Rene Odrick
Denisha Workizer 00:00
What does it look like to be transparent in our relationships with other women? When we disagree? Do we tend to lean towards avoiding one another? Or do we step towards those hard conversations? And how do we celebrate each other as women without comparing ourselves, it is possible to build one another up versus tearing each other down. And in this episode, I'm sharing a conversation that I had the privilege of having with for dynamic women on Joy LRVs Titus two show. This was originally recorded live earlier this month. And it was so rich that I had to share it with you. So I want to say thank you so much to the ladies involved in this conversation. And be sure to follow them the links to all of their websites and social is in the show notes. And after you hear from them, I have the feeling you're going to be seeking them out. So let's get real when it comes to our relationships between Sister to Sister. Welcome to Living the Reclaim life Podcast. I'm Tanisha We're glad you're here for conversations that revive hope inspire healing and encourage you to live a vibrant life with Christ. So grab a cup of coffee as we chat with today's guest.
Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to a another episode of The Titus two show I am Joy Ellerby. And as always, I am doing multiple things right now. So I am working on making sure the lighting is bright and so forth. Oh, so when you know, this is what I do. So I am enjoying myself as I put all this stuff together. But I am excited nonetheless about today's episode. Why? Because we are doing from Sister to Sister. And if you remember earlier this year, we had from Brother to brother and my pastor was on and friend of mine, Josh Presley and also my former teacher, Mr. Mark Nelson, we had them on and it was an exciting, exciting conversation about transparency and more. So today we are going to be doing that similar thing. We're talking with women of God, about transparency and how we need to share with younger women in Christ, how important it is to be transparent, and how important it is to just show the love of Jesus Christ according to the Word of God live according to the Word of God believe the Word of God and I'm gonna use one of my sister's phrases not not taught not have stinky talk about God, not that stinky talk about that. All right, so welcome, everybody. Welcome. Welcome. So what we'll do is we will allow because I know all of you mostly know, these wonderful woman guys, but I'll just give them an opportunity to just share about themselves and introduce themselves to you. So Ty, I'll start with you.
Ty Finley 02:56
Hello, everyone. I am Ty Finley, I thank God for the opportunity to be here and also the wonderful joy Ellerby who has made this possible for us. I am a blogger at talk 40 to me. My goal is to empower women, men to but more so women to let them know who they are in Christ. Let them know that no matter what their past is, no matter what traumatic experience they've gone through, that God is with them. They are enough they are more than enough. And they will overcome. I also support families who have had traumatic experiences. And my husband and I have a small business here in Southern California.
Wonderful, wonderful. All right, let's go to Rene, your turn.
Rene Odrick 03:48
Hi, everyone. My name is Renee Roderick and I am the founder of meditational moment Incorporated, where I work alongside my amazing husband, as we our mission is to train and teach individuals how to listen to the voice of God and incorporate meditation in their lives as a catalyst for God alignment. I'm a wholeness coach. I met a scattered meditator, a teacher and speaker and also an author. And so I'm delighted to be here to be able to continue to share and to grow.
Oh, wonderful. Wonderful. All right, the Nisha.
Denisha Workizer 04:27
Hello, my name is Tanisha work. iser and I'm so happy to be here. Joy just brings joy. Every time I see her online or anywhere just just brings the joy and I read a ministry in Tucson. See there was joy right there. I read a ministry in Tucson Arizona called reclaimed story and that's where we help women find hope and healing after a traumatic past through a vibrant relationship with Jesus. And I also am a professional speaker and an ordained pastor. So I love to serve both women and men but we decided to focus and women and yeah, this is this is what we do is I love how much in common we all have.
Absolutely, absolutely. All right, my shell you ready? Yes.
Myshell Wilkins 05:10
Hello everyone. My name is Masha look as I am thrilled to be here, these women are amazing. So I can't wait to learn from them as well as share. So I am a singer songwriter, I was in the music industry for many, many years singing background for tons of people you've heard on the radio. And I now am a worship leader here in Frisco, Texas, and also a speaker as well. I'm also into mission work. My dad was a missionary. And so I used to go on trips with him to mine, mainly South America. And it developed a love for for for that. And so now I do a lot of work in Uganda to help rescue young ladies out of sex trafficking and we do a whole lot of things down there. But it's my passion. And and so yeah, I do a lot of different things. But at the end of it all, I like to serve people and see them heal. So
beautiful, absolutely beautiful. And I know that Marcia, we had a little conversation before about us going over to Uganda, and I got excited when you share that with me.
Rene Odrick 06:11
You come in Uganda.
All right, everyone, we definitely want to get into some things. But I know this next, like 45 or 50 minutes or so it's gonna be very exciting. So by all means, share with somebody else. Invite a family friend, a loved one. And as I always say, even an enemy, share this with them. Because this is a conversation that everybody can benefit from I'm sure. So what I want to do first is ask the question, what does it mean to be transparent from Sister to Sister? So we're defining transparency from Sister to Sister. So Michelle, I'll start with you.
Rene Odrick 06:53
Myshell Wilkins 06:54
I think it's important to show your scars, to paint a picture that you're perfect, and that you've got it all together, it's very damaging, because that's not life. And it also takes away the glory of what God can can do when he brings forth redemption, and healing, right. And so those flaws show what God can do. And those those broken moments can show what God can do. And so I think it's really important that we show that. So transparency is just telling the truth, and being honest and loving people well by telling the truth.
Love it, Denise, and what do you what about you? What do you say?
Denisha Workizer 07:32
You know, as Michelle, as you started talking, there was a passage coming into my mind, and I thought, oh, I need to find the address for it. But there's a passage in the Old Testament, I forget, I'm not good at addresses, but I'm good at memorizing the line. But it says the people said Peace, peace when there is no peace. And that has always struck my heart of we say how are you? Oh, I'm fine. I'm good. You know, we come to church with our best smile or mask sometimes. And I think that transparency is really letting someone see you and saying, You know what, there isn't peace right now, or this is what's going on in my life. It's that being honest with someone about what you're really struggling with. And I also think that transparency offers us an opportunity to give other people permission to be transparent. Once one person cracks that door open to just authenticity. Other people have the permission to do so as well. So I really love just love this topic.
All right, Rene, what about you?
Rene Roderick 08:30
Well, I believe transparency, I agree with the ladies already. But it's also a peeling away of the layers in order to be able to reveal your true self. And you know, one of the things that we we do we cover up we wear masks, we have our makeup when we have all of these things on but when we pull it all the way, how much are we loving ourselves, even in order to be able to share of ourselves. So it's all about loving yourself enough to be able to express and expose it all.
expose it all. Alright, Ty, what do you got? For me,
Ty Finley 09:06
I believe transparency has to do a lot with letting go of your preconceived ideas of how the person is going to receive you. I think a lot of times interent being transparent. There's a lot of fear. And if you reveal this piece of yourself to this person, how are they going to receive you? Will they judge you moving forward? Do you have the freedom to share because sometimes you can't really open up to everyone. Everyone is not there for you doesn't matter if they're in charge or outside of church. So it's just letting go of that fear that preconceived ideas and just knowing that you can be free and who you are and what you've gone through no matter what it is. And it doesn't matter what they think about you because it matters what God thinks about you. And as long as you're being free, you'll be able to help that person who may be on the receiving end looking at you a little funny, but deep down they're going through some of the things Are things they're just too afraid to address it too. So via transparency, I think it's transparent opens up the doors for other people to be free as well.
And, you know, while you are thinking I went back to earlier today, when I was looking at transparency, and looking at the definition of it, and looking at it from the perspective of it's not ambiguous is clear. So being transparent is clear, and not being unclear. Even if you're dealing with your circumstances, I'm not being unclear about what I'm sharing with you concerning what I've been through or what I'm dealing with. But also, and I want to pose it to you this way, also from the perspective of showing love to others. So the sisters in Christ being clear about your intentions towards one another, because like you all are talking about the mask and the presentation and all that we can have a presentation of love towards sit from Sister to Sister but the heart that's desperately wicked may have some some evil intentions going on. And so I want to talk about that, do you? And I'll start with you time do you believe that? From Sister to Sister there needs to be more conversation about the true nature of the heart towards one another. When it comes to being transparent? I understand the conversations about this is what I've been through, this is what I've gone through, this is my testimony. But what about those conversations of listen, I had an issue with you. I didn't like you. And for that reason, it was difficult for me to praise God in church with you, because I had this problem, you know, those types of scenarios. I'm returning to you. What do you think?
Ty Finley 11:33
Oh, that's good. You know, just about a few weeks ago, I was talking about when all you're getting good and understanding, because I had a situation with one of my sisters in Christ, for example. And she's just such a beautiful woman. But we had a serious misunderstanding. I text her and asked her, you know, did you mind if I acknowledge you for praying for me, and she, it was just a text. And she took that you don't know me, you can't use my name, you can't do this. And I said, I wasn't writing a book about you. I said, I just wanted to acknowledge you for what you did. But it wasn't until after we were able to have that conversation and get an understanding. And we were you know, I was like, Okay, where are you coming from? Why do you feel that I would have use your name anyway. And I said, That's not my character. And if you know, my character, you know, my motive wouldn't be to do that. And she's like, well, she was kind of in her feelings about something else that had gone on. And so I said, Well, I'm so glad that we had this opportunity to talk. And actually, this happened in the grocery store. And I had been kind of dealing with it, you know, during the night because when I got the text, I was like, you know, it just caught me off guard. Like, you know, why would she do that? Why would she say that? And so I was asking God, you know how to handle this with her. And then he goes, Well, she'll be in the grocery store with you. And I'm just like, do I ignore? Do I go down the other aisle, you know, but
listen, please, you know, just be real right? On the avoidance of sisters in Christ. Right? Like I know you're on the other side of the grocery store. And I'm like going down that aisle only to see right.
Ty Finley 13:15
It's real right in in for us to act like it's not in there doesn't bother us. And then we don't you know, like, I was just so happy to go No, I wasn't. But it was every time I needed something. She was on the aisle I needed. And I said, God, you're gonna make me talk to her right now, aren't you? And he's like, Yeah, talk to her. And so we were able to talk get an understanding, and I will you and she knows I would not do harm. But you know, the enemy gets in our head. And one of the things I was saying too, is like motive. When people have been hurt, they feel like your motive is to always, not just you, but everybody's motive is just to hurt them hurt them. And it's like, clearly my goal is not to hurt you. My goal is to love you. And but sometimes we inadvertently hurt each other because of, you know, the preconceived ideas, the fears that traumas or things from our past. And so we we put that into new relationships or older relationships, and then these bridges are starting to kind of like decimate when we're trying to restore and bring it back together. So I feel like that example that happened with me and my friend, it was like, you know, perfect for my answer to this
question. I'm gonna come to you what, what would you say? Or what do you have to say about sisters in Christ? Try to avoid one another so that they don't have to face issues with one another? How what would you say to that to that?
Rene Odrick 14:41
I just think you're putting off something that is a Festering Wound, right?
Myshell Wilkins 14:49
It doesn't get better it actually gets worse. And so if we truly want to be peacekeepers, right, people who are lit by the Holy Spirit because the Holy Spirit's gonna tell you to make it right. Because remember, he said, before you bring your offering and come and worship me and tell me how amazing I am, if there's something that is going on with your brother or your sister, it doesn't matter whose fault it was, go make it right. And then come back and let's fellowship together, right? So hopefully the Holy Spirit has these alarms going off saying app, there's something that needs to be taken care of. And hopefully, we'll obey, and press through all the stuff that makes us feel like we're uncomfortable to do it and disobey God, for the sake of peace, because sometimes you'll actually like my sister, when you pull back those layers, it wasn't even about you anyway. Right? So yeah, and the enemy loves to kick up all this, the smoke and mirrors and cause dissension between sisters and people in the church. And so when you can say, Hey, sis, let's talk about this, it really just diffuses the foolishness of the enemy. And I think that's just really powerful to be able to just shine the light on the truth and then move forward,
that there are a lot of issues that go left, that are not dealt with, between the sisters in Christ. And there's the masking of everything is all right, between us, we may sit on the same row or in the same section, or we may be on the same team or in the choir together, prays, whatever the case may be. But there's, there's an undercurrent of the issue. There's an undercurrent of a problem, but you know, there's a lot of, well, I'll sweep it up under the rug and look like everything is okay, so that I can still serve and be recognized as a servant, you know, in the kingdom of God. But Rene, what do you say? Because even talk about the significance and the importance of meditating on God's word both day and night, and how that plays a major role in dealing with issues from Sister the sister.
Rene Roderick 16:47
Yeah, absolutely. Because when you when you have the word of God in you, then when those situations come up, you don't want to have anything interfere with your relationship with God. So you're like, oh, no, I gotta clear this up. But I think one of the things that gets in the way is that seed of judgment, you know, immediately there's a judgment that comes up and says, you know, what, she don't like me, I made her mad, she's upset, and all these things that the enemies try to create in our minds. But you know what God is a God of peace. He's got an order. He's a God of love. And so all of that is in His Word. And so if I allow that to feed me, and go forward, then I don't have to have that animosity, and the seat of judgment is moved. But as the old saying that my grandmother used to say, a closed mouth will not get fair. And that statement is so applicable in so many ways, but in this scenario, in regards to your sister, if you don't ask, how do you really know the truth? You know, you can judge and make those preconceived notions. But if you don't ask and find out what's going on with us, why are you acting like that? And we don't know what it is. But if you don't ask, you won't get fed the truth and healed in that place where you're hurting?
Oh, all right. danisha. What do you say about not asking, Why do you think sisters in Christ don't ask one another? Okay, hey, what's going on? Can we talk about it? What's is there an issue between this Can we can we talk about why do you think there is a hesitancy to even ask?
Denisha Workizer 18:24
I think sometimes we can do all or nothing. We either talk about everything, or we don't talk about anything. And from in my experience, I think that sometimes if we go to a sister in Christ, that we either maybe we think they have an issue with us or we have something, you know, in contention with them. I think we're afraid that we're going to be met with rejection, or judgment, as you said, that seed of judgment, and I just I wonder what happens when we come together and begin to have honest conversations where we're met with acceptance instead of judgment. So if you say, Hey, I, I, you did this to me the other day, or I felt this when you said this, instead of saying, Well, I didn't mean that, or I didn't if we just say wow, that I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to come across that way. Or, you know, I just I apologize. Gosh, thank you so much for sharing that with me. I think if we learn how to take it and give it at the same time, I think we can come a long way. I think about what you said joy with the rug, you said we shove it under the rug. Well, eventually we start tripping over that rug, whether it be at a grocery store aisle, you know, we're we're like I'm trying so hard to avoid that they're right by the Jiffy. Or whether it were, yes, you know, we start tripping over that rug until we pick it up and begin to deal with those things. And I think relationships are worth it. As sisters in Christ, it's worth the hard work to do those hard conversations and have that honesty.
And you know, and I'll stay with euthanasia, even with just taking that time to have these hard conversations dealing with being the fear of being rejected or not wanting to be rejected. Go into that point. Dealing with your testimony. Because every you, each one of you on here has a story to tell how the testimony, and it's a beautiful testimony that you have to share and talk about it from that perspective, because of you sharing your testimony of your reclaimed life with another sister in Christ. Are you approaching that with? Okay? Well, I don't know if they're going to receive it or not, I don't know if they're going to listen, well, they might compare their story to mine. And they may not be interested in my story, because my story may not be as as sad or as as destitute as theirs is. So you know, because it does happen. Because I can say, you know, hey, my story is, I grew up a PK and yeah, that is all and so you know, the issues that came from growing up as a PK, I may share that with you, but you're saying, Well, okay, well, you bet ain't nothing. Do you know what I went through, you know, that type of thing. And it happens, we may gloss it over. But it happens to where if you are sharing your testimony or your story with some another sister in Christ, and if they in flesh, compare their life to yours and what they've been through to yours, then that also causes a rift because they overcame by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony, how can there be a full overcoming? If there's a comparison, within testimony? So I'll start with you, I'm gonna let you take it on taken.
Denisha Workizer 21:28
First of all, can we throw comparison in the trash ladies, as sisters? Can we just toss that aside, and know that we are each just wonderfully and incredibly made by the Lord and that we are each here for a purpose and not try to compare our gifts, our traumas, our everything, right? When we do that, I think there's such an importance in learning how to hold someone's story. And when people share just creating that space for them to share and just holding it with them. This last week, a friend had mentioned to me about when she'd confessed a pretty big lie that she had been carrying for years. And when she confessed to a friend of hers, she said, My friend said, Wow, that must have been so heavy to carry for so long alone. And I just teared up because I thought, boy, that's how we should all like respond. When someone's dropped something there was no you should have you could have you should. Nobody tried to fix it. And her friend just held her hands and said that must have been so hard to carry on on your own. And in that moment, she took some of the weight of that story with her and just sat with her. And I thought that was such a beautiful picture of how we can meet other people with that acceptance versus judgment or comparison. But yeah, the whole comparison thing. Oh, and I mean, I do it to trust me, but how we could get past that and throw that in the trash. You know, she's more she's thinner than I am. She's more beautiful than I am. She has a you know, she dresses better. Like we do that as women. And if we could let that go, boy, I think we'd have a lot of honest conversations and be able to truly learn from one another because that is like this is a blast. From each of us. Like this is so fun hearing what everybody has to say. And we have that opportunity every day with sisters. So I think that's yeah,
absolutely. My shell, I'm gonna come on around to you, what do you say?
Myshell Wilkins 23:21
Ah, you know, this is the way I look at it. All right. So we it's not this big barrel and blessings and we're all digging in the same barrel trying to get the blessings, right. And how many lessons do you have? And she gave me like, 15. You know, we're all getting weird to compare. It's ridiculous. Like, I have my own bucket, you have your own bucket, and you can go as deep as you want to on your own bucket. But I never have to feel like you're taking anything away from me. You know what I mean? And so I just I celebrate Oh, like once you get calm you let the lawyers know like, and we can celebrate that and in no way am I feeling funky feelings about Yeah. I don't run like that. Yeah, like you tell me something amazing. I'm like, Oh my gosh, look what God has done. I'm not looking at. I mean, I see your story, but I see what he's done. And we can celebrate that in your story. And so I it's funny, because all these little, you know, women and the stuff that we do. Listen, I don't even I guess I'm just blind to it. I don't pay any attention to it. Like if you don't like me, I don't know. I have no idea. You're gonna give me a hug and see what's up girl.
Rene Odrick 24:33
You look good. You looking good.
Myshell Wilkins 24:35
And if you don't like me, I don't know that if you're comparing I don't know that I'm not looking to see and she cut her eyes. Oh, who has time for that? We have so much more to be focused on that can bless me so many people. So it's just kind of like, and I'm not calling for that foolishness. Time is is is so valuable. Let's not waste our energy and emotions on things that just leave us fruitless,
fruitless battle. And I'm gonna take that last part right there leaving us fruitless time, I'm gonna come over to you. Because that's so important because you know, a tree is known by the fruit it bears. And so if if we're striving to be holy and righteous in the sight of that in this present world, and we're striving to live the Word, and we're supposed to, as Titus two tells us to be an example to teach the younger women, and all of that, then talk about laying aside every week, talk about laying aside the malleus, laying aside, the envy and all of that, lay all that stuff aside, so that, you know, we as sisters in Christ can actually move together in, in, in God's grace and mercy. And the excellency of his will talk about all of that, because there's a lot to that, according to timestep. to
Ty Finley 25:53
it, yeah, teach older women teach the younger women, right? And how can we do that if, you know, we're not in the position that we need to be in. And, you know, I believe, as Matthew talks about, you know, forgiveness, and how often we are to forgive, and then just letting go of the sins and the weight just so easily be sent us. And those things that we hold on to, and I'm like, Michelle, I'm one of those people, I celebrate everybody, I don't care if you just you're a little kid, I just got an A I'm like, Oh my gosh, ice cream party, or you're older, you know, I'm just about celebration, and, and just recognizing individuals for where they are today. And I think it's important as the fruit of that, because that lets people know, you know, they feel they're growing in Christ and fell to their fruit is, no matter what happened last year or two years ago, your fruit today, you are growing, this is where you are right now, this is what God has allowed you to do. And let's honor that, let's celebrate that, you know, just just the growth that everyone has. And it's gonna be so different for everybody, because everybody is in a different level in their spiritual life, but meeting people where they are and recognizing that fruit and that growth and them and then being that, you know, if you're mature in Christ, being mature, and let you know, celebrating them and honoring them in what God is doing in their lives.
You know, Renee, I'll come to you now. So even in that dealing with upholding your sisters in Christ, upholding one another, you know, they're dealing with something, just making sure your opponent upholding them in prayer of holding them to an encouragement and all that because you know, you you're the meditation, meditating on God's word, you know how we always talk about that. So come from that perspective as it as it deals with transparency with from Sister to Sister dealing with holding up holding one another and building each other up with the word of that through examples, and all of that.
Rene Roderick 28:02
And at first Thessalonians 511 tells us to encourage and to build each other up. And so one of the things that came up for me, as you ladies were talking was humility. You know, if we would all practice humility, and learn how to listen to the voice of God when someone else is speaking, so that you can know when to stand down so that you can allow them to shine, and when to stand down. If they just need a moment to get it all out. And they don't want to hear your comparison. Oh, that happened to me too. And yeah, I did that. And oh, I this I was on a skyscraper last week. And I'm just trying to tell my story. And so but we only can do that if we are connected to the Spirit. Because we hear beyond the words, we hear the heart of that person who's crying out just to be heard. Can somebody just take a minute to listen to me? Can you just take a minute to listen, if everybody's talking? How do we hear. And so we want as sisters, we need to be compassionate, and humble enough to try to hear the heart so that we can be able to support love, and just be genuinely genuine, who are sisters.
Denisha Workizer 29:19
I don't know about you, but I could not get enough of this conversation. So be sure to join us next week for part two of Sister to Sister and we're going to talk about discernment. We're going to talk about being obedient to the promptings that God gives us and how we can get free and stay free so that the younger ladies in our lives can see what that looks like. So be sure to tune in next week. These women have a lot to share. So be sure to follow them on social and check out their website pages. They're all linked in the show notes, and we will see you next week. Thanks for listening. I pray you found hope in today's conversation and maybe even feel a little less alone in your story. Stay connected with us on Facebook and Instagram at reclaimed story. Want to learn more about living a reclaimed life and how you can be a part of our growing community ever claimers? Check out our website at reclaimed story.com. All of those links and more will be in the show notes. And if you enjoy this inspirational podcast Be sure to subscribe rate and review. Not only will you be the first one to know when new content comes out, but it is also a huge help and helping us reach more people to live the reclaimed life.