Living the Reclaimed Life

#54 I'm Stuck... Now What? ~ Katie Tramonte

March 14, 2022 Season 2 Episode 54
Living the Reclaimed Life
#54 I'm Stuck... Now What? ~ Katie Tramonte
Show Notes Transcript

Have you ever felt stuck? Life is going on as normal, things are predictably planned. All of a sudden it feels as if you are stuck. What do you do next? What if things could be a different way? What if the narrative of your life can be changed? Join Katie Tramonte and me as we talk about, I'm stuck. Now what?

Katie is the lead facilitator at Original Design Restored and the host of the Original Design Restored Podcast. With a background in education and ministry, Katie is passionate about the intersection of faith and mental health, believing that the combination of the Gospel, personal narrative, and experiential learning can lead to profound healing and transformation.

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Ep 54 Katie Tramonte - 

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

healing, story, reclaimed, life, step, stuck, podcast, heal, feel, pursuing, guided, God, change, Jesus, scary, narrative, Katie, first step, healing journey, intensives

SPEAKERS

Katie Tramonte, Denisha Workizer

Denisha Workizer  00:00

I wonder if you have ever felt stuck. One day life is going on like normal things are predictably planned. And then all of a sudden it feels as if you get stuck. Maybe you're responding to things in a different way. But something somewhere is off. What do you do next? Well, friend, I'm so glad that you're joining us today as we talk about, I'm stuck. Now what? Join us. Welcome to Living the Reclaim life Podcast. I'm Tanisha. We're glad you're here for conversations that revive hope, inspire healing and encourage you to live a vibrant life with Christ. So grab a cup of coffee as we chat with today's guest. Welcome to this episode of living the reclaimed life. You are in for a treat today. I am so excited to have my friend Katie, come and join us. She is the lead facilitator at original design restored. And I'm so excited Katie to unpack ODR with you because it is like we're like Sister ministries. It's so awesome. It is so good. I love it. And Katie also she is the host of the ODR podcast. She has a background in education and ministry. And she is passionate about the intersection of faith and mental health. And Katie, I love that you believe that the combination of the gospel personal narrative and experiential learning can lead to profound healing and transformation. So as a wife and a mama and a minister, I am just so excited to have you with us today.

 

Katie Tramonte  01:36

Thank you. I'm excited to be here.

 

Denisha Workizer  01:38

You know, is we connected online? And I realized it was original design restored, right? Oh, Dr. Is your ministry. And when I realized I thought original design that is like reclaimed, right, like, yeah, that is how do we get back to the garden? How do we get back into that relationship where we can walk with God in the pool of the day, when he is in our day, he is alive, and he is vibrant in our everyday life, not just Sunday mornings. And not just when we open our Bible, but like all every minute of every day. And so when I saw original design, I was like, that's the garden, we need to restore that relationship. And reclaimed means to rescue from an undesirable state and restore to a previous natural state, which is the garden right like, like, for trauma entered our stories before harm entered our stories. What was the original intent that God had for us? Because that's why he sent Christ, right. Yes. So that is one of our passions is that, you know, we know that Christ reclaimed our story on the cross. But we don't always live out that reclaimed life. And some of it is because of trauma in our past. Some of it is just the particularities of our stories and things that have happened. And so I love that both of our ministries are just like, let's find freedom. Ladies, let's do this together.

 

Katie Tramonte  03:03

Yes, totally, totally. Share a little bit about

 

Denisha Workizer  03:07

your heart. How did you end up with ODR? How did you end up deciding to help other women find freedom through Christ?

 

Katie Tramonte  03:13

I think for me, it was because I had begun to find freedom in Christ. And it was. So I grew up as a believer, I was following Jesus. And when I hit kind of a crisis point in my early 30s, and began asking God to change some of the places I felt stuck. And he did begin to change and heal and transform me, I started feeling free and whole. And as I felt free and whole, the next thing I wanted to do was make space for other people, other women specifically, but other people to feel free and whole. And I wanted like I wanted to find the best way to do that. I wanted to find the resources that would help. Because that feeling of having anything be healed, once you feel that you want someone else to feel that too. And so I began learning, growing, gathering and shaping what is now original design restored, but really began pursuing what could we put together that would facilitate transformation?

 

Denisha Workizer  04:09

Amen. Yes. Now, you mentioned being stuck. And I think a lot that is probably one of the words I hear the most in this ministry is I just feel stuck. Things aren't going the way they did. Or I used to respond one way I'm responding differently. Something's wrong. I feel stuck. So how when you felt stuck, Katie What did that feel like to you?

 

Katie Tramonte  04:29

It felt like doing things I didn't want to do. So two of the places I felt stuck kind of in that season of, okay, I want something to change. I felt stuck and how I was responding to my kids and I wanted that to change but I couldn't figure out how to make it change. I was reacting harshly or impatiently and I just knew I wanted it to change I just didn't know how or or why even I was acting that way I didn't. I couldn't put wrap my mind around. Why am I here? Because this isn't me before. This. And now that I have these kiddos and I had worked with kids, most of my life, I had been a teacher, a first grade teacher. So I was used to chaos. As a mom, I couldn't understand why I was expressing myself this way. And, and as a wife, I felt stuck in how my husband and I were relating, there was a lot of feeling myself disappearing, feeling like I wasn't able to voice my opinions. Well, kind of a loss of personhood. And, and a lot of that was not even my husband. But as I began to wonder, why do I feel stuck here? Why do I feel like I don't like how we're relating, I began to undo narratives that I was believing I had to be a certain way as a wife I was believing really lies about even submission, that in my mind, I had started living as though my husband needed to make all the decisions for my life. And I just needed to follow him, which honestly put so much pressure on him to have to solve everything, all of a sudden, now he wasn't just responsible for himself, he, I had put him in a place to figure out what I was supposed to do with my life, which was never his job. But that was my really broken view of marriage. And so that feeling of stuck was I don't like this anymore. I don't think this is good. But having no idea how to get out and almost feeling like kind of that stuck place what's so scary about that stuck places some of those things, you feel like you're going to or I felt like I was going to almost break beliefs that I'd held so strongly. So if I say I don't want to be this way, as a wife am I going to, like not follow God well enough. And really, as I found out, as I kind of went through a lot of healing, my harsh reactions towards my kids was not only Yes, some some stuff in my story that needed to be healed in process, but also just some basic self care, I wasn't taking care of myself, because I had this false belief that I needed to take care of everybody else, more and better first. And so my stuck place meant having to face the lie that the lie would be that I had to take care of everybody else at the expense of myself. And so facing that would be believing that I need to actually take care of myself to take care of everybody else. But when you start kind of shaking out those, those ideas, it's kind of scary, and you feel stuck, because you're afraid to face what needs to be changed. And it feels like maybe the whole world will fall apart.

 

Denisha Workizer  07:19

Doesn't it? That is so true. That is so change in any way. If you realize like if I if I stay the way I am, I know what I can expect. You know, yes, I heard someone one time say and I don't remember who said this, but um, sacrifice who you are for who you want to be? Yes. And I thought that was so powerful, because that change is hard, right? Like, we think, yeah, if I keep going down this road, I know exactly what I'm going to get. Now I may not like what I'm getting, right. That's what's making me feel stuck. But if I change, now we have an unexpected, you know, what is going to come out of that I don't know what change looks like. And I think that's can be a really scary place for us. And part of that change. And part of that examining when you talked about false beliefs, I thought, wow, some of our false beliefs go way back into our childhood even. So if we're going to go back and deal with our false beliefs, I think there's a fear in that as well. Like, yeah, what if I go back, and then I get stuck there. You know, what I get stuck in the trauma are stuck in the pain. So sometimes even stepping into healing and going after that change can be really scary. Yes, it

 

Katie Tramonte  08:29

can be because just like you said, if I continue on as I am, if I don't face what's there, at least I know what to expect. And at least I have a sense so. And a lot of the reading I've done in the last couple years, when we're children, we try to make sense of our story. And so we make a narrative of why things went the way they went and, and so when we are in that stuck place, and maybe we maybe want change, but we're a little afraid, or maybe very afraid. I was very afraid to face the stuff that was in my self. First of all, like, I don't want to find out why I'm being harsh to my kids. That's scary. But then maybe what's in my story, too, that's even scarier, because what that means is I have to remake sense of my story. And I've already done that. But I did that as a child trying to make sense of my story. And as a child, I created a narrative and I already understand the narrative I created as a child, if I have to go back and re address that narrative. It can be not only incredibly painful, but I might discover some things that I don't want to discover that I'm afraid to discover. And honestly, without the power of God joining me in that discovery, it is scary because I need something more powerful than me to go back into my story with me if I'm going to make sense of it from an adult place.

 

Denisha Workizer  09:45

Such a good point. Yep. How we the story that we tell ourselves as kids and how that carries forward with us. I know I've seen I've read studies about siblings who are raised in the exact same home, but there are two narratives about how things Word home can be completely different, even though they had similar circumstances and how you're just how we uniquely process. So going back and changing that narrative, where do you start? I mean, so let's say, you know, here, if I'm listening, and I'm thinking, Okay, I'm stuck. Now what? What are some ways that you that you would invite us to step into that reframing that narrative that we had as a child?

 

Katie Tramonte  10:24

Yes. So I think first, I would just mention to anyone who's saying, Okay, I'm stuck. And I want to face something, maybe I don't know what it is yet. But I want something to change. But I feel stuck, I would take a deep breath. And I would ask the person to take a deep breath. And I would invite you, I'd invite us to not be worried about what's going to come out. But to just start with the simple thing that you want to change. And so when we're stuck, so for me, I want in my, my marriage, I wanted my husband and I to relate a little differently. And I wanted to respond to my kids from a more whole and peaceful place. And I wanted to be more regulated. I didn't have that word at the time. But now I know, I wanted to be a more regulated Mom, that's what I was going for. calm, peaceful present. That's what I wanted to go for. So the first step is really finding out what do I not like? What do I not, and it might not be a behavior, it may just be a place of pain like this, I keep having this memory over and over and it hurts and I don't know what to do with it. Or I don't like how I interact with my co workers. Like I don't, I don't know what's happening. But I'm short and I'm snippy. I want to read relate differently with my friends, or, or I feel really held back like I'm afraid to take risks and dream. Why, why is that? So? The first step would be What do you want to change? And it's usually just the thing that you don't like the way it is. So whatever it is in your life that you don't like the way it is? Or the other big question is, where are you triggered. So triggered is where you all of a sudden get into a heightened emotional state, and you no longer feel safe. And it can feel different for everybody. Like, it's not one feeling. But for me, my heart kind of races and I feel a little panicky when I feel triggered. And I'm really feeling fear and anxiety. And it often comes out as anger, or kind of explosiveness. And I'm kind of panicky, but it can feel different for everybody. But triggered is you're in a heightened emotional state. And it's really because there's something there in your story in your heart that hasn't been healed most likely, or because some kind of a traumatic event that hasn't been addressed. Or you feel really uncomfortable. And so beginning to ask yourself, either what do I want to change? Or where do I feel triggered? So that would be just starting with that that's one step. And then beginning to pursue the healing of those things. But if you're like, Well wait, I don't even know where I feel triggered. I don't have that feeling. And I don't really know what I want to change. But there has to be something like I want more of God, I want more. Sometimes it's just we want more and more in my marriage more in my parenting more in my life, more in how I'm living. I feel like there's more for me to express who I was meant to be when I'm not doing I don't know why. Then you sit with God and you ask God, what do you want to heal and change in me, and really inviting Jesus? Because Jesus is real. He is present with us every single day. He is there with you right now. And you can just talk to him, which I want to make a quick aside, I get asked often. What do I do for prayer? How do I pray? And I always feel so silly. When people ask me how do I pray? Because my answer is like my prayer life is not I don't have a prayer life plan. I don't have a script I follow I don't have I don't have a prayer journal anymore. I did when I was a kid, but I don't know. I am just talking with Jesus all day long, and I interact with him all day. So when you start experiencing Jesus like that he is with you. And he is he's there you can talk with him. Then a question like, What would you like to heal in my life? Would you highlight what in my story needs healing, that becomes more comfortable, because he's actually there interacting with you. And as you interact with him all day, every day just talking with him in your everyday life, you begin to listen to what he wants to say. And you begin to hear his voice. And you begin to sense Oh, as you ask, What would you like to heal? What would you like to change? There will be an idea that comes to mind an image that comes to mind an impression on your soul and trusting that that is Jesus speaking to you and running with that and pursuing the healing and change about that would be another first step.

 

Denisha Workizer  14:23

That is so beautiful, because I think so many times we forget how real crisis how real His presence is, that you know, he really is interested in all of the details of our day, whether it's large, whether it's small, whether it's earth shattering, you know, we don't just have to come to him when it's you know, something so big like we lost someone in our life and then we're going in for grief and for you know, for help, like he really does care about our hearts about tending to our stories, our hearts and where we are so I love how you describe him just so real like He is our best friend, and he never leaves us. I remember I heard a pastor say one time. And this always stuck with me, it's kind of extreme. But it really stuck with me that if our homes were taken away, if our friends and family were all taken away, and we were stripped naked and put into a cell, and that's where we had to spend the rest of our life, that we could never be somewhere where the presence of God, the voice of God could not meet us. And I remember when he said that, I thought, if you have nothing, we will always have that like that is absolutely nothing that anybody can take away from us. But sometimes it is a greatest tool that we forget we have.

 

Katie Tramonte  15:39

Yeah, I mean, we, we begin to especially a Christian life, Christian faith, there are so many pieces that we can participate in, especially in America, right? Like there's so much that we can do for our Christian faith. But at the end of the day, at the bottom line, do we know Jesus? Are we interacting with Jesus, and when we are, he can say and lead and heal and guide us into anything, he can handle our stories. And he's the one that can handle our stories. He's the one who can handle our pain, and our wounding our sin, our shame, the worst thing that we've done, he actually can handle it. So by actually going to him and actually believing that we're okay with only him like he is enough. And he can speak and he can, he can minister to our souls, and he can heal. Like even in that scenario, like naked in a cell, he can still come and be with me, he can speak to me, he can heal things that are in my heart, he is enough. And he's actually the one that can handle everything in my story. So he's really the one I want to go to. He's the one I want to be talking to you throughout whatever healing journey you take whatever healing steps you take, he's the one to be connecting with over all of that.

 

Denisha Workizer  16:47

And many of us to have been hurt by people, right, where we've shared our story. We've stepped out courageously to share something that may involve, you know, shame, or you know, something in our story that we're not normally sharing, and we share, we trust a friend, we trust a fellow Christian, we even trust a pastor, and we have been hurt in those places. And sometimes we can think well, our stories too much. It's too much for people, it's too much. But I just want to say not we as people as humans, right, we don't always represent Jesus the way that we should. And so if that's happened to you, if you've ever shared your story with a friend, a co worker, or a family member, you know somebody at church, and it hasn't been tended to well, I'm so sorry about that. That's not Christ heart. And as you said, Katie, we can trust Him with our stories wholeheartedly. Because he already knows them. And, you know, I've through the work that I've done, you know, I realized there were times in my story where I thought, I'm going to fix myself up, clean myself up, and then go to him. And it's like, he said, No, come to me when you are messy, when you are bleeding when you are, it is okay, because I will meet you there. And so there's just such a tenderness and how you described going to him in that. So I hear you say, be curious about our story, right? To take a deep breath to just what's going on? What do I not like? What do I want to change? How do I feel triggered? And then going to the Lord with that and asking, What do you want to heal in my life? And what's what's next, what what happened in your journey? Or what would you suggest next?

 

Katie Tramonte  18:25

So in my journey, so I get to tell my story from this, not the endpoint, but from this point, looking back, so I can see how each piece took me through a very guided journey by Jesus through healing. And really, I was only ready for one step at a time. So there were increasing seasons of healing, and, and there were truths about my story about myself about my life that God revealed to me at steps along the way. So the things that he's been healing in the last couple years, I would not have been ready for seven or eight years ago. And so really, you don't have to have it all figured out. You just need to listen for the next step that he would have for you. And some next steps. So some of the things that I recommend for pursuing healing is, first of all, I would recommend therapy, that's a really significant healing step. Personally, I recommend EMDR therapy, that's kind of the therapy, when we're looking at healing and really wanting to heal. If there's something interesting that like, Okay, this is a place that I want healed or that God is highlighting, like when I'm asking him, he is highlighting this as a place that I want to take you for healing, I recommend going to EMDR therapy because it will really address that specific wound or that pain, and it's a really guided type of therapy for the purpose of healing. And then often therapy is either too scary for first step, which I totally get it was too scary for me, or it may not be accessible. So if those things are not accessible, looking for trainings, there's a training that I recommend just that guides you through life mapping called your one degree and that is online. You can find that online. and be guided by a life coach through mapping your story and understanding more about how you're wired, how you're made. And that's really a great first step. And then I actually, I'm going to share two books and two podcasts that the books aren't free, you have to buy those, but the podcasts are free. And so if you're looking for a resource that you could just start on your own, I think sometimes in our healing journeys, it's such an intimate, and such a private experience, some of the things that we have in our stories feel so tender, that sometimes our first step in healing is really just with me and Jesus. And it just may be listening to a podcast, and processing and praying or reading a book. So some great first steps are the book you are free by Rebecca Lyons, where she really guides you through kind of a healing journey with guided questions. At the end of every chapter, I sat, at night, my boys would eat a snack, and I would sit on the kitchen floor and read through a chapter every night when they were little. And it was really a first step in my healing journey. Another book I recommend is the soul of shame by Kurt Thompson. And this book is so powerful, in really exposing the work of the enemy over our lives, to really trap us under shame, so that we ultimately do not express the goodness and beauty of God. And that God really designed us to express His goodness and beauty on this earth, and how there's a war over our lives for that. And as you read the soul of Shane, you're kind of invited into a process to look at where in your life has enemy really put you under Shane has, has caused you to hide and not show who you are. So if you're kind of in a place of wanting to understand what's happening in your story, and kind of healing some of those hidden places, that would be a great book. And then two podcasts that are therapists who are Christians, is in the light by Dr. Anita Phillips. And that's a free podcast. So if you don't have access to therapy, and you don't have money to spend, and you need a free resource towards healing, that is a great place to start is just fine in the light podcast by Nina Phillips. And she walks through really gently but powerfully principles of healing places of struggle, and she addresses those with it's as I when I listened to her she's so kind, but so strong in the power of God towards healing. And then the place we find ourselves by Adam Young, if you're sensing that there may be some trauma in your story, that would be a great place to start. It's a free podcast again. And he has two types of episodes, he has kind of teaching episodes where he explains a lot about our stories, attachment, trauma, and then he has episodes where he has guests on sharing their stories as well. So depending on where you are, what your next step is, or what God's speaking, these are a handful of resources that you can access almost immediately towards healing.

 

Denisha Workizer  22:45

Those are great first steps. Thank you so much for sharing those, I think it's so helpful just to know, you know, what can we do next? I know you have intensives with ODR. So it's like, okay, I how do I make it until the next intensive? Or how do I make it you know, we have small groups with reclaimed storage in town and some online resources. While it's like how do I What do I do next? So I love those tangible steps to doing that. So if someone were listening right now, and they were in that place, where they're like, they're listening to yours to you share a little bit about your story and your experience in healing. And they're saying like, yes, yes. Oh, my goodness, yes. Like that. You're speaking the words of my heart. What would you say to them? How would you encourage them to just taking that next step? Or what would you say what would be your heart for them?

 

Katie Tramonte  23:34

And it's say, I'm so proud of you for being brave, that you want to take a step of healing. And then I would say, go be brave, and take one step at a time, face what's in your story. And allow God to bring powerful change. And often it will be generational change and will not only affect you, but many other people as you are brave enough to face what is there. And just one step at a time. Ask God, what do you have for me? What do you want to heal? And then even in the hardest moments, go back to him and say, This is so hard sometimes when we're feeling it's so hard. And it's okay. And he will be with you and continue to be brave and lean on him and go to him for comfort. Because it's not easy it is actually. So it's a like if you are like, Okay, I want to change I want to pursue healing. And I'm saying Be brave. I want to encourage anyone who wants to take a brave step towards healing and transformation. It is powerful, it is a fight. It is a war two step towards healing. It is not neutral. It's not neutral, you are fighting for the goodness of God to be expressed on this earth through pursuing healing and transformation in your story. So if you own that, then there's almost kind of a sense of internally like okay, I'm going to gear up for this not because I have to prove anything or white knuckle anything, but because I understand it I am doing something really great. And it does take guts to face within my story. And when I face what's in my story, not only do I get to experience experience healing by the power of God, but it will affect those around me and in my life in powerful ways. And you're actually re shaping what is happening on this earth, you're actually addressing and dismantling the effects of the fall as you pursue healing by the power of God. And that is a powerful step. And so know that you're a warrior.

 

Denisha Workizer  25:31

Amen. If we had one of those little buttons that could clap and share like an audience right now, I would be pushing up button, we need to talk about generations or so Right? Like it, it does, pursuing your own healing, it's scary to step into. But when you do that, and when the Lord just meets you in it, which he does, he is faithful to meet you there. You truly can change generations. It reminds me of a quote from Dan Siegel. Now, Dan Siegel is a neuroscientist, okay. So you know, so he's coming at it from the scientific perspective. But he says, If parents make sense of their story, it can totally change the outcome of the next generation. Like, worth it to pursue our healing friends, it is so worth it. And God is so faithful. You're not having to do it alone. So

 

Katie Tramonte  26:18

yes. And I think if I want to hit on that quote, because that's like, it's so powerful. I think what we, what is amazing is God talks about generational strongholds and generational sin, and it's evidenced in science like neuroscience as well. These two things show the truth to be that one, God can change us, and there are generational things to be changed, and you can make that impact in not only your life for your healing, but for generations to come.

 

Denisha Workizer  26:46

Amen. Amen. Oh, Katie, you dropped major wisdom and encouragement today. Thank you so much. So we're gonna want more of Katie, how do we find you friends?

 

Katie Tramonte  26:56

Yes, so you can find us on Instagram, we're on Instagram, under original design restored, you can go head to our website, especially if you want to know about our intensives that would be on the website, original design restore.org. And then we also have a podcast which you can find on our website, or Apple podcasts, or Spotify. And that's the original design restored podcast.

 

Denisha Workizer  27:16

Awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming on and just encouraging. You know, our listeners encouraging me. And thank you so much. Thank you.

 

Katie Tramonte  27:24

Yes, yes, thank you. All right. Well, we

 

Denisha Workizer  27:28

will see you same time, same place next week. Thanks for listening. I pray you found hope in today's conversation, and maybe even feel a little less alone in your story. Stay connected with us on Facebook and Instagram at reclaimed story. Want to learn more about living a reclaimed life and how you can be a part of our growing community of Reclaimers check out our website at reclaimed story.com all of those links and more will be in the show notes. And if you enjoyed this inspirational podcast Be sure to subscribe rate and review. That is a huge help and helping us reach more people to live the reclaimed life. Thank you so much for listening